Reply to Kids bedtime advice for when you feel you are trying SO hard (age 3-5)

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Do they nap?

If so, stop the naps.[/quote]

Here are typical days for 3yo
1. Falls asleep in car or on couch at 3pm, can’t hack a whole day. Might stay up till 10
2. Falls asleep in car or couch at 5-6pm. Argh. We have a friend hand out with us until 11:30
3. Today = stayed awake! Played soccer with me and ran hard in the evening. Ready for bed sort of between 8:30-9:40 (done 8:30 but big kids were still getting ready and we did some more stories). Finally fell asleep 10:40. WHY?[/quote]

Your child is exhausted! I know it seems counterintuitive but you need to start bedtime earlier. You should start baths at 6 or 6:30 at night and have your 3year old in bed ready for sleep before 7:30 pm. Everything you describe is exactly how kids behave who are sleep deprived and acting hyper from exhaustion. [/quote]

Mine always got hyper and fought sleep harder if she was overtired.

Starting bedtime at 8:30 or 9:00 seems *really* late for a 3yo, and even for a 5yo. (Heck, even for for most 9yos) At those ages, we were starting to wind down by 6:30ish (quieter games, reading, dimming lights, etc), then bath and PJs at 7, reading in bed until 8. Every night the same time, same routine. Water bottle by the bed, so no “I’m thirsty!” calls. Lights out, mom & dad leave. One bathroom trip. March calmly back to bed every time. No lying in bed with them after initial tuck-in. If you’re there, they’ll stay awake hoping for interaction.

“It’s bedtime, and at bedtime we stay in the bed.” Repeat ad nauseam. If they don’t sleep, that’s fine, as long as they’re quiet and calm and stay in bed. If you set them up for success, they’ll fall asleep when they’re ready. But every time you interact, engage, cajole, threaten, lie down with them, sing two more songs, whatever, you’re reinforcing their behavior, and they’ll keep trying new ways to stall. Consistency, routine, and disengagement are the keys. I know it’s not easy, but it will eventually work if you stick. with. it. They just need to see that you mean business, and nothing they can try will sway you. Find a mantra like “it’s bedtime now, back in bed please,” and repeat it whenever they push back. Nothing else, no discussion or engagement, especially no raising your voice, because that clues them in that that you’re about to cave and they should keep pushing.

Mine is a teenager now, and goes to bed hours earlier than any of her friends, so I can honestly tell you there is hope for bad sleepers! First start moving those bedtimes back, setting up a calm, dim environment pretty much right after dinner, and then establish a routine and stick with it, no matter what. Deep breaths, repeat your mantra, walk them back, close the door. Repeat as many times as it takes. Fight through the extinction burst, because it always briefly gets worse as they frantically try out one last-ditch tactic.

If you can spend the first week establishing the new expectations and another week calmly and firmly enforcing them, in two weeks things will be much better. It won’t be easy, but you can do it, I promise. [/quote]

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