Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My wife says similar things to that man's wife. I offer her the chance to sleep with other men and open the marriage and she says she doesn't want to. She doesn't want an open marriage because she doesn't need me out on public dates or embarrassing her. In her word, no diseases, no pregnancies and she better not find out.

Asking seriously: Why remain married? "For the kids"? Finances? Is there any love or companionship or mutual interests left?

So she's giving you the green light to have affairs. As long as you don't "embarrass" her. Do you both own a business together and a divorce would create issues there? Or you need to both care for a chronically sick child or...? I don't get why people in this situation stay together, otherwise.

This arrangement (have your fun but don't bring disease, don't have more children to dilute family wealth, and don't embarrass us) is a time-tested setup that worked for millions of families throughout history. You remain married for the same reasons you got married - to have a suitable partner, to have children and raise them together, to build family assets. Releasing body fluids has never been a core part of the marriage until very recently. You make it sound like people who don't have sex must necessarily hate each other but the fact of the matter is that many many couples have a perfectly friendly, amicable relationship that works for all practical purposes. Sex is but a small part of life.

Anonymous wrote:If a man tells you he has an open marriage, just confirm it with his wife before you sleep with him.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My wife says similar things to that man's wife. I offer her the chance to sleep with other men and open the marriage and she says she doesn't want to. She doesn't want an open marriage because she doesn't need me out on public dates or embarrassing her. In her word, no diseases, no pregnancies and she better not find out.

Asking seriously: Why remain married? "For the kids"? Finances? Is there any love or companionship or mutual interests left?

So she's giving you the green light to have affairs. As long as you don't "embarrass" her. Do you both own a business together and a divorce would create issues there? Or you need to both care for a chronically sick child or...? I don't get why people in this situation stay together, otherwise.

This arrangement (have your fun but don't bring disease, don't have more children to dilute family wealth, and don't embarrass us) is a time-tested setup that worked for millions of families throughout history. You remain married for the same reasons you got married - to have a suitable partner, to have children and raise them together, to build family assets. Releasing body fluids has never been a core part of the marriage until very recently. You make it sound like people who don't have sex must necessarily hate each other but the fact of the matter is that many many couples have a perfectly friendly, amicable relationship that works for all practical purposes. Sex is but a small part of life.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Recently I happened to run into an ex BF from many many years ago. Says his wife won’t have sex anymore. Apparently when he tries to initiate, she says “find someone else!”

He wants to cheat on her. With me. I said he should just ask for an open marriage esp since she told him to find someone else, but he won’t. He has had an affair in the past. His wife suspected it but he didn’t ever admit it.

I called him a coward for not discussing the possibility of an open marriage with his wife. He says he isn’t a coward. I said he’s a cheater and he responds that I don’t understand his situation and that I shouldn’t be so judgemental by using the word cheater. What an a**hole.
He kept making overtures towards me. Finally I ghosted him.

Men in unhappy marriages who “can’t” divorce: are you too cowardly to ask for an open marriage?
Why do you sneak around and cheat instead of being honest and asking to open up the marriage? Your lines “I don’t want to hurt her” “you don’t understand my situation” are BS. Why can’t you handle the problem in an emotionally mature way?

Yes, cheaters like this are cowards. That’s the whole point. He’s just telling you crap, btw. He’s likely still having sex with his wife. He just wants to sleep with you too.

If that were the case, wouldn't he just tell OP that he had asked and received permission? It's kind of a confusing issue anyway, as I'm not sure how else to interpret "find someone else" other than as consent to an open relationship.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My wife says similar things to that man's wife. I offer her the chance to sleep with other men and open the marriage and she says she doesn't want to. She doesn't want an open marriage because she doesn't need me out on public dates or embarrassing her. In her word, no diseases, no pregnancies and she better not find out.

Asking seriously: Why remain married? "For the kids"? Finances? Is there any love or companionship or mutual interests left?

So she's giving you the green light to have affairs. As long as you don't "embarrass" her. Do you both own a business together and a divorce would create issues there? Or you need to both care for a chronically sick child or...? I don't get why people in this situation stay together, otherwise.

Not being snarky, but you really can't think of any reasons not to divorce? Here's mine: I like seeing my kids every day, I don't like the idea of splitting holidays, putting them on a custody schedule, the risk of my ex wife bringing new men around them, selling their house, having trouble getting two houses in same school district, finances, one kid has mild special needs, potentially losing friends from social circle. Those are the obvious ones.

We rarely fight, it's not warm but it's not cold. Occasionally, it's playful but not sexual. We still both enjoy travel, have same parenting philosophies. It's fairly seamless, other than the lack of sex which of course is a huge void for me, not sure for her.

Finally, doesn't she get agency in this? Why can't my wife decide she would rather look the other way than endure the list of headaches that I listed above that come with divorce.

it works now, if it doesn't later, then we can always split. I will be fine, I have a good job, am tall, attractive, never had trouble dating. I hang in for the above and for the kids. If that makes me a coward in some anonymous posters eyes, that's their insecurity.

I'm not the OP and didn't call you a coward. I asked genuinely. I asked if "for the kids" was a motivation to stay married and you said yes. Sorry you took the questions as somehow mean. I do wonder if you and your wife have attempted any couples therapy/sex therapy so you don't feel you have to go outside the marriage and so she learns why sex is so important to you (and why she is so uninterested). Maybe you did, and it was a bust. I'm sorry if that's the case.

Anonymous wrote:My wife has no interest in sex with anyone and is clear that I cannot have anyone else. As with the other dad, I love seeing my kids daily and I'm the one that is the primary caregiver. My situation sounds pretty much like his. Not great but it could be worse

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My wife says similar things to that man's wife. I offer her the chance to sleep with other men and open the marriage and she says she doesn't want to. She doesn't want an open marriage because she doesn't need me out on public dates or embarrassing her. In her word, no diseases, no pregnancies and she better not find out.

Asking seriously: Why remain married? "For the kids"? Finances? Is there any love or companionship or mutual interests left?

So she's giving you the green light to have affairs. As long as you don't "embarrass" her. Do you both own a business together and a divorce would create issues there? Or you need to both care for a chronically sick child or...? I don't get why people in this situation stay together, otherwise.

Not being snarky, but you really can't think of any reasons not to divorce? Here's mine: I like seeing my kids every day, I don't like the idea of splitting holidays, putting them on a custody schedule, the risk of my ex wife bringing new men around them, selling their house, having trouble getting two houses in same school district, finances, one kid has mild special needs, potentially losing friends from social circle. Those are the obvious ones.

We rarely fight, it's not warm but it's not cold. Occasionally, it's playful but not sexual. We still both enjoy travel, have same parenting philosophies. It's fairly seamless, other than the lack of sex which of course is a huge void for me, not sure for her.

Finally, doesn't she get agency in this? Why can't my wife decide she would rather look the other way than endure the list of headaches that I listed above that come with divorce.

it works now, if it doesn't later, then we can always split. I will be fine, I have a good job, am tall, attractive, never had trouble dating. I hang in for the above and for the kids. If that makes me a coward in some anonymous posters eyes, that's their insecurity.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My wife says similar things to that man's wife. I offer her the chance to sleep with other men and open the marriage and she says she doesn't want to. She doesn't want an open marriage because she doesn't need me out on public dates or embarrassing her. In her word, no diseases, no pregnancies and she better not find out.

Asking seriously: Why remain married? "For the kids"? Finances? Is there any love or companionship or mutual interests left?

So she's giving you the green light to have affairs. As long as you don't "embarrass" her. Do you both own a business together and a divorce would create issues there? Or you need to both care for a chronically sick child or...? I don't get why people in this situation stay together, otherwise.

Not being snarky, but you really can't think of any reasons not to divorce? Here's mine: I like seeing my kids every day, I don't like the idea of splitting holidays, putting them on a custody schedule, the risk of my ex wife bringing new men around them, selling their house, having trouble getting two houses in same school district, finances, one kid has mild special needs, potentially losing friends from social circle. Those are the obvious ones.

We rarely fight, it's not warm but it's not cold. Occasionally, it's playful but not sexual. We still both enjoy travel, have same parenting philosophies. It's fairly seamless, other than the lack of sex which of course is a huge void for me, not sure for her.

Finally, doesn't she get agency in this? Why can't my wife decide she would rather look the other way than endure the list of headaches that I listed above that come with divorce.

it works now, if it doesn't later, then we can always split. I will be fine, I have a good job, am tall, attractive, never had trouble dating. I hang in for the above and for the kids. If that makes me a coward in some anonymous posters eyes, that's their insecurity.

Have you talked about the sexless ness?