Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for all the input and advice.

Yes, I know divorced men as a category are not bad. I just also know that I don't want to invest in someone I met online if I don't know who they are as a person first. My ex presented as a solid man, with a value set, family, etc. Turns out all was a lie. He's easily bored. He needed the world to worship him. Every act I committed was a sin against him. My hair wasn't shiny today? I insulted him. I didn't sweep before he came home? I'm a bad wife. What I now realize is that there was quite a bit of mental abuse in his background. His whole family lives a lie, not uncommon for people like them without saying more. But, he presents so well. No one would know.

I understand the value of working on myself, I've never stopped.

As for my friend, she's a great person. I'm glad she's happy. I don't think it's a facade. I think for those posters trying to compare us, or telling me to be like her, or the one who told me her husband is my "sole" mate, I don't think like you do. I have no desire to steal someone else's husband, even if he was my soul-mate. I have no desire to compete with people like my friend or be more like someone else. There's always room for improvement, I'm a good person. I volunteer, I donate my time and money, I'm kind, I'm a good friend, I'm intelligent, I could have a better career, be richer, etc. But so can anyone. I was a good wife. I was available to him emotionally, physically and sexually. But none of it mattered when the next shiny thing came along.

I get many men aren't like that, but I also have friends, and know many men are. Anyway, I think I got what I could from this. Thanks for all the input.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for all the input and advice.

Yes, I know divorced men as a category are not bad. I just also know that I don't want to invest in someone I met online if I don't know who they are as a person first. My ex presented as a solid man, with a value set, family, etc. Turns out all was a lie. He's easily bored. He needed the world to worship him. Every act I committed was a sin against him. My hair wasn't shiny today? I insulted him. I didn't sweep before he came home? I'm a bad wife. What I now realize is that there was quite a bit of mental abuse in his background. His whole family lives a lie, not uncommon for people like them without saying more. But, he presents so well. No one would know.

I understand the value of working on myself, I've never stopped.

As for my friend, she's a great person. I'm glad she's happy. I don't think it's a facade. I think for those posters trying to compare us, or telling me to be like her, or the one who told me her husband is my "sole" mate, I don't think like you do. I have no desire to steal someone else's husband, even if he was my soul-mate. I have no desire to compete with people like my friend or be more like someone else. There's always room for improvement, I'm a good person. I volunteer, I donate my time and money, I'm kind, I'm a good friend, I'm intelligent, I could have a better career, be richer, etc. But so can anyone. I was a good wife. I was available to him emotionally, physically and sexually. But none of it mattered when the next shiny thing came along.

I get many men aren't like that, but I also have friends, and know many men are. Anyway, I think I got what I could from this. Thanks for all the input.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for all the input and advice.

Yes, I know divorced men as a category are not bad. I just also know that I don't want to invest in someone I met online if I don't know who they are as a person first. My ex presented as a solid man, with a value set, family, etc. Turns out all was a lie. He's easily bored. He needed the world to worship him. Every act I committed was a sin against him. My hair wasn't shiny today? I insulted him. I didn't sweep before he came home? I'm a bad wife. What I now realize is that there was quite a bit of mental abuse in his background. His whole family lives a lie, not uncommon for people like them without saying more. But, he presents so well. No one would know.

I understand the value of working on myself, I've never stopped.

As for my friend, she's a great person. I'm glad she's happy. I don't think it's a facade. I think for those posters trying to compare us, or telling me to be like her, or the one who told me her husband is my "sole" mate, I don't think like you do. I have no desire to steal someone else's husband, even if he was my soul-mate. I have no desire to compete with people like my friend or be more like someone else. There's always room for improvement, I'm a good person. I volunteer, I donate my time and money, I'm kind, I'm a good friend, I'm intelligent, I could have a better career, be richer, etc. But so can anyone. I was a good wife. I was available to him emotionally, physically and sexually. But none of it mattered when the next shiny thing came along.

I get many men aren't like that, but I also have friends, and know many men are. Anyway, I think I got what I could from this. Thanks for all the input.

Anonymous wrote:There’s no formula, but embodying the traits you’re looking for in a spouse is what you do have control over. Water finds its own level.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are you? I feel like there are a lot of men like this out there. However, most are probably married if you are above the age of first marriage. If so, I'd look for widowers. Divorced guys often have a lot of baggage.

I'm in my early thirties. Divorced, and agree that divorced guys have baggage. Besides, due to my own divorce, I'd never be able to fully trust a divorced guy. My ex was abusive and awful and still is but would come across as an angel. Ruined my ability to trust in my own judgement.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are you? I feel like there are a lot of men like this out there. However, most are probably married if you are above the age of first marriage. If so, I'd look for widowers. Divorced guys often have a lot of baggage.

I'm in my early thirties. Divorced, and agree that divorced guys have baggage. Besides, due to my own divorce, I'd never be able to fully trust a divorced guy. My ex was abusive and awful and still is but would come across as an angel. Ruined my ability to trust in my own judgement.

+1 Widower here...