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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here. Thanks for all the input and advice.

Yes, I know divorced men as a category are not bad. I just also know that I don't want to invest in someone I met online if I don't know who they are as a person first. My ex presented as a solid man, with a value set, family, etc. Turns out all was a lie. He's easily bored. He needed the world to worship him. Every act I committed was a sin against him. My hair wasn't shiny today? I insulted him. I didn't sweep before he came home? I'm a bad wife. What I now realize is that there was quite a bit of mental abuse in his background. His whole family lives a lie, not uncommon for people like them without saying more. But, he presents so well. No one would know.

I understand the value of working on myself, I've never stopped.

As for my friend, she's a great person. I'm glad she's happy. I don't think it's a facade. I think for those posters trying to compare us, or telling me to be like her, or the one who told me her husband is my "sole" mate, I don't think like you do. I have no desire to steal someone else's husband, even if he was my soul-mate. I have no desire to compete with people like my friend or be more like someone else. There's always room for improvement, I'm a good person. I volunteer, I donate my time and money, I'm kind, I'm a good friend, I'm intelligent, I could have a better career, be richer, etc. But so can anyone. I was a good wife. I was available to him emotionally, physically and sexually. But none of it mattered when the next shiny thing came along.

I get many men aren't like that, but I also have friends, and know many men are. Anyway, I think I got what I could from this. Thanks for all the input. [/quote]

When you date, don’t invest too much too fast. Read the book I recommended upthread - Why’ve does He Do That by Lundy Bancroft - because it’s REALLY important that you learn what to look for and take things slowly so that you can build a solid relationship. It takes TIME to learn about a persons habits and values.

How long were you with your husband before you got married? One sign of an abusive relationship is that they move really fast and are a whirlwind. It’s because the faster you fall, the more willing you are to keep them around after the bad times. [/quote]

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