Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My inlaws have more money than my family but we consider them somewhat classless and trashy. DH and his family only ate frozen or canned vegetables. So when we went shopping for produce, he went to the frozen food aisle.

They are really obsessed with money and status. Like the in-laws want the younger kids to marry ivy-league educated people with good jobs. They only believe in going into finance or law, instead of doing something more interesting. They snap their fingers at servers and are bad tippers so it's embarrassing and I always supplement. They do not go to galleries or museums and do not have original art on their walls. They have never attended a ballet or concert.

No kids yet but I can see clashes in education. I want my kids to be multilingual or at least bilingual. I want them to study and find a career that they are passionate about. I want them to eat unprocessed, mostly plant based food. I want them to be less consumerist. I want them to value other people and treat them respectfully. I want them to appreciate and understand the value of art and culture.

this is just rich vs another kind of rich though?

No. In-laws are Mayflower and Old Dutch descendants. Their family is in history books and have streets and parks named after them. So if anything, they are old money but have a lot of it tied up in trusts (so maybe they are just an uncouth branch?). They do not seem to have access to a lot of liquidity. OTOH, my family spends and donates freely but we do not ave generational wealth like they do. This result is DH has a trust, but I do not. We intend on establishing trusts for the future kids.

I can't speak to the rest of what you posted but old money WASPs love their creamed, canned, bland, and frozen food.

Sounds like midwest MIL. Frozen OJ, anyone? :hurl:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My inlaws have more money than my family but we consider them somewhat classless and trashy. DH and his family only ate frozen or canned vegetables. So when we went shopping for produce, he went to the frozen food aisle.

They are really obsessed with money and status. Like the in-laws want the younger kids to marry ivy-league educated people with good jobs. They only believe in going into finance or law, instead of doing something more interesting. They snap their fingers at servers and are bad tippers so it's embarrassing and I always supplement. They do not go to galleries or museums and do not have original art on their walls. They have never attended a ballet or concert.

No kids yet but I can see clashes in education. I want my kids to be multilingual or at least bilingual. I want them to study and find a career that they are passionate about. I want them to eat unprocessed, mostly plant based food. I want them to be less consumerist. I want them to value other people and treat them respectfully. I want them to appreciate and understand the value of art and culture.

this is just rich vs another kind of rich though?

No. In-laws are Mayflower and Old Dutch descendants. Their family is in history books and have streets and parks named after them. So if anything, they are old money but have a lot of it tied up in trusts (so maybe they are just an uncouth branch?). They do not seem to have access to a lot of liquidity. OTOH, my family spends and donates freely but we do not ave generational wealth like they do. This result is DH has a trust, but I do not. We intend on establishing trusts for the future kids.

I can't speak to the rest of what you posted but old money WASPs love their creamed, canned, bland, and frozen food.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My inlaws have more money than my family but we consider them somewhat classless and trashy. DH and his family only ate frozen or canned vegetables. So when we went shopping for produce, he went to the frozen food aisle.

They are really obsessed with money and status. Like the in-laws want the younger kids to marry ivy-league educated people with good jobs. They only believe in going into finance or law, instead of doing something more interesting. They snap their fingers at servers and are bad tippers so it's embarrassing and I always supplement. They do not go to galleries or museums and do not have original art on their walls. They have never attended a ballet or concert.

No kids yet but I can see clashes in education. I want my kids to be multilingual or at least bilingual. I want them to study and find a career that they are passionate about. I want them to eat unprocessed, mostly plant based food. I want them to be less consumerist. I want them to value other people and treat them respectfully. I want them to appreciate and understand the value of art and culture.

this is just rich vs another kind of rich though?

No. In-laws are Mayflower and Old Dutch descendants. Their family is in history books and have streets and parks named after them. So if anything, they are old money but have a lot of it tied up in trusts (so maybe they are just an uncouth branch?). They do not seem to have access to a lot of liquidity. OTOH, my family spends and donates freely but we do not ave generational wealth like they do. This result is DH has a trust, but I do not. We intend on establishing trusts for the future kids.

I can't speak to the rest of what you posted but old money WASPs love their creamed, canned, bland, and frozen food.

It's true. My sister's ILs are rich AF, very old money. They live on Saltines and gin.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband grew up blue collar, and I grew up UMC. We met in medical school, and have a pretty similar lifestyle to my parents. The only thing that gets to me is that he doesn’t seem to understand how much effort and/or money things take. I think he sort of thinks that if you make enough money, then things should just happen.
For example, he wants a consistently clean, nicely decorated, and well maintained home with plenty of toys organized and in good working order.
He wants family meals cooked from scratch every night.
He wants the kids to play tennis, golf, swim, and play chess. He also wants them to play a musical instrument and learn a second language.
But he puts all of this on me. He feels that because I grew up UMC, I am supposed to know how to decorate the house, how to hire a nanny, or where to send the kids for golf lessons. And this is supposed to take me no time or effort.
It’s gotten better over the years, but it was very surprising when we first started making money that he expected me to know exactly how to spend it in order to make his vision of TV UMC life into a reality.

My Dh is like this because he grew up with bitter, controlling parents, so that might be what you are experiencing.

Anonymous wrote:My inlaws have more money than my family but we consider them somewhat classless and trashy. DH and his family only ate frozen or canned vegetables. So when we went shopping for produce, he went to the frozen food aisle.

They are really obsessed with money and status. Like the in-laws want the younger kids to marry ivy-league educated people with good jobs. They only believe in going into finance or law, instead of doing something more interesting. They snap their fingers at servers and are bad tippers so it's embarrassing and I always supplement. They do not go to galleries or museums and do not have original art on their walls. They have never attended a ballet or concert.

No kids yet but I can see clashes in education. I want my kids to be multilingual or at least bilingual. I want them to study and find a career that they are passionate about. I want them to eat unprocessed, mostly plant based food. I want them to be less consumerist. I want them to value other people and treat them respectfully. I want them to appreciate and understand the value of art and culture.

My family talks about politics, books, movies, the environment.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My inlaws have more money than my family but we consider them somewhat classless and trashy. DH and his family only ate frozen or canned vegetables. So when we went shopping for produce, he went to the frozen food aisle.

They are really obsessed with money and status. Like the in-laws want the younger kids to marry ivy-league educated people with good jobs. They only believe in going into finance or law, instead of doing something more interesting. They snap their fingers at servers and are bad tippers so it's embarrassing and I always supplement. They do not go to galleries or museums and do not have original art on their walls. They have never attended a ballet or concert.

No kids yet but I can see clashes in education. I want my kids to be multilingual or at least bilingual. I want them to study and find a career that they are passionate about. I want them to eat unprocessed, mostly plant based food. I want them to be less consumerist. I want them to value other people and treat them respectfully. I want them to appreciate and understand the value of art and culture.

You married one of the Trump boys?

They sound just like my former Indian ILs.

yes, especially: "They snap their fingers at servers and are bad tippers so it's embarrassing and I always supplement."

I was guessing Persian.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My inlaws have more money than my family but we consider them somewhat classless and trashy. DH and his family only ate frozen or canned vegetables. So when we went shopping for produce, he went to the frozen food aisle.

They are really obsessed with money and status. Like the in-laws want the younger kids to marry ivy-league educated people with good jobs. They only believe in going into finance or law, instead of doing something more interesting. They snap their fingers at servers and are bad tippers so it's embarrassing and I always supplement. They do not go to galleries or museums and do not have original art on their walls. They have never attended a ballet or concert.

No kids yet but I can see clashes in education. I want my kids to be multilingual or at least bilingual. I want them to study and find a career that they are passionate about. I want them to eat unprocessed, mostly plant based food. I want them to be less consumerist. I want them to value other people and treat them respectfully. I want them to appreciate and understand the value of art and culture.

Other annoying things about your inlaws aside, I don't think the bolded is wrong. I grew up in a family of a musician and a teacher, with lots of books and intellectual pursuits. But I've learned very well the humiliation of being poor, and the fact that giving your children a life where intellectual pursuits are possible and easy depends on a solid financial foundation. I tell my children that they have to get jobs that make excellent money first and foremost. When you have enough money, you can enjoy ballet and original art and be a good tipper. "Interesting" jobs are for people with family wealth and no money worries, and my children are not one of them.

It's true. My sister's ILs are rich AF, very old money. They live on Saltines and gin.

Anonymous wrote:

My family talks about politics, books, movies, the environment.

You pushed it too far on that last one.

What do you discuss re: the environment? "Gee, I'll tell you, this global warming thing is really something." "Yes, I agree." "Did you hear about that low-pressure system coming off Lake Erie?" "I know! Crazy, right?"

Don't reply. Thank you.