I Should Stop Sleeping w/My ExDH Right?

post reply Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)
[Post New]09/23/2018 05:14
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Anonymous
Okay, so I’ll give you the answer you seem to know you need to hear:
Yes, you need to stop sleeping with your ex.

You offer some excuse about not having time for meeting others because you’re a single mother. That’s bs. What’s really going on is that it’s hard to date. It’s hard to put yourself out there. It’s scary. So you make up this excuse and retreat back to the guy who’s treated you like sh!t.

Let’s talk about the sex. Sure, it’s fabulous. Mind blowing. You shared that you are high needs, so it just makes sense that he can fulfill this simple need, right? But if you read your entire post, it turns out that you’re just kidding yourself. Again, this guy has treated you like sh!t. He broke his commitment to you. But maybe for a few moments, for a few weeks, you can feel like you’re number 1 to him again. You’ve got his attention and get to forget that he’s hurt you.

Also, sleeping with him means you don’t have to sit alone with yourself to figure out why you were drawn to someone who is such a crappy partner. What signs did you intentionally overlook? What is it that you were drawn to that you knew was unhealthy for you? Why don’t you deserve better than him? Only by being alone and sitting with yourself (and perhaps a really good therapist) can you unpack this so that you don’t keep choosing the same kind of guy. But if you keep sleeping with him, you never take that alone time and have to sit with yourself. Instead you get that high from being his number one gal and don’t deal with the crap he’s handed out. Rinse and repeat.

If you had shared that your break up was because you just couldn’t be on same page with our life goals, but you had both been committed partners to each other, then sleeping with him occasionally wouldn’t be that bad. But that’s not what you offered. You’re not married anymore because he was a crappy partner who has broken your heart. He can’t commit. And you want someone who can commit. Every time you sleep with him, you put off dealing with why you were attracted to someone who won’t give you the respect and commitment you deserve. You put off that necessary discomfort to deal with YOU and why you’ve allowed that to happen. And you put off creating that space where someone new, someone who might treat you better can come in.

Stop with the excuses. It’s not about your high sex drive. It’s about making a connection with the jerk who couldn’t commit to you. You deserve better. But you knew that already.
[Post New]09/23/2018 07:09
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Anonymous
OP, wish you’d have posted with a username!
[Post New]09/23/2018 07:53
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cba
Member Offline
Anonymous wrote:OP, wish you’d have posted with a username!


+1 If you did, then you might meet someone who could give you a reason to stop sleeping with your ex-DH

[Post New]09/23/2018 07:55
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Anonymous
Don’t get pregnant
[Post New]09/23/2018 08:15
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Anonymous
OP. What is it that makes your exDH great in bed? It can’t be that hard to find a replacement.
[Post New]09/23/2018 08:20
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Anonymous
I get it. I used to sleep with my ex wife. Then I met someone. Now I can’t even imagine wanting to sleep with her. So I think the others are correct in that you need to find someone else.
[Post New]09/23/2018 08:27
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Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Would you be able to stop cold turkey if he gets a girlfriend next week?


Seems like she's a great lay too, so maybe he isn't really looking for a gf right away.


She’s available guys don’t need you to be great. Point still remains how will she deal when he says we can’t do this anymore I have someone else
[Post New]09/23/2018 08:30
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Anonymous
You will never get over him if you are under him.
[Post New]09/23/2018 10:12
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Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:You will never get over him if you are under him.


I found this to be true. But we did raise a son and now have 2 grandchildren, all of whom we raised, or help to raise, cooperatively.
[Post New]09/23/2018 10:17
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Anonymous
If you can't separate the exDH/father of your child with a FWB (no emotional attachment) then you need to stop sleeping with him.

If you can, f*** away.
[Post New]09/23/2018 10:17
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Anonymous
A vibrator is your friend.
[Post New]09/23/2018 10:33
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Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:Talk some sense into me, DCUM!

Former DH and I separated two years ago, but just finalized our divorce a few months ago. By all objective measures, ExDH was a terrible husband and I 100% feel that I'm better off without him. The problem is that I am very high-drive and he's very good in bed, and so every few months we end up hooking up a few times before I come to senses and cut him off. We have a young DC together so it's not like I can cut him out of my life entirely. I've tried to find a FWB (other than ExDH) without any luck. Admittedly, I'm very picky but also don't have a ton of free time as a single mom to meet men. Another complicating factor is that ExDH wants to go on dates too, which I'm not interested in. I actually enjoy spending time with him and I think he's truly made some positive changes in his life, but I'll never trust him again.



SIAP but I’m curious, what makes him a good lay? Stamina? Size? Attentiveness/pleaser? He knows which buttons to push?

I ask bc those aren’t things exclusive to him and at some point, if not already now, you’ll probably be sharing him with other women. Short term - fine, but you’ll eventually need to break free from this emotional attachment
[Post New]09/23/2018 11:12
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Anonymous
There are other guys who are great in bed. Tons of them. Its conference session, fresh meat each week.
[Post New]09/23/2018 11:16
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Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:There are other guys who are great in bed. Tons of them. Its conference session, fresh meat each week.


Lol, what does this mean?
[Post New]09/23/2018 12:37
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Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:There are other guys who are great in bed. Tons of them. Its conference session, fresh meat each week.


Lol, what does this mean?

Work conferences. All the DC hotels, bars, and restaurants are filled with out-of-town men traveling on business. Assume all of these men have a disinterested wife at home. See how this could benefit OP?
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