I Should Stop Sleeping w/My ExDH Right?

[Anonymous]

OP, what area? DC, MD or VA?

[Anonymous]

His about stop using him?

[Anonymous]

I had sex with my Ex-W for a good while after we were divorced. Why not? It's one thing we were good at and until either of us dated someone new, it was an easy choice. I think it's pretty common.

[Anonymous]

If I should ever get divorced, we will continue on as F buddies. It would take a lot to break our physical match.

Keep on keeping on.

[Anonymous]

Divorce is difficult. Figuring out how to deal with divorce and handling all the emotions and needs that go along with the breakup can be challenging. I know that you stated that your ex-husband has made some positive changes, but you do not trust your ex-husband…are you hoping to someday reconcile with him? If so, do you think seeking professional help – to give you guidance and advice about this situation would be helpful? I would suggest reaching out to trusted people around you for guidance and to be cautious when you are being intimate with your ex because you are giving yourself to someone who is not fully committed to you. It could become a tangled web of emotions. Your child deserves the best of both of you. Stay uplifted and strong. I am praying for you.

[Anonymous]

I'm a hopeless romantic. Maybe you'll get back together?

OTOH, google and read about basketball player Larry Bird's child conceived with his STBXW. Baby born post divorce and such a messy, awful situation. Larry and his daughter never reconciled. DD used as a pawn and bargaining chip. Just saying...what if you got pregnant?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are other guys who are great in bed. Tons of them. Its conference session, fresh meat each week.

Lol, what does this mean?

Work conferences. All the DC hotels, bars, and restaurants are filled with out-of-town men traveling on business. Assume all of these men have a disinterested wife at home. See how this could benefit OP?

Love me some women traveling for conferences. There DTF and over 50% of the time
They take it in the ass. .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had sex with my Ex-W for a good while after we were divorced. Why not? It's one thing we were good at and until either of us dated someone new, it was an easy choice. I think it's pretty common.

NP, I think it is too. I slept with my ex-husband for 3 years after we divorced. It did make things more complicated with seriously moving on though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had sex with my Ex-W for a good while after we were divorced. Why not? It's one thing we were good at and until either of us dated someone new, it was an easy choice. I think it's pretty common.

NP, I think it is too. I slept with my ex-husband for 3 years after we divorced. It did make things more complicated with seriously moving on though.

What made you finally end it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a hopeless romantic. Maybe you'll get back together?

OTOH, google and read about basketball player Larry Bird's child conceived with his STBXW. Baby born post divorce and such a messy, awful situation. Larry and his daughter never reconciled. DD used as a pawn and bargaining chip. Just saying...what if you got pregnant?

I have no interest in being his wife again. My life is far simpler without him. ExH is also a hopeless romantic and will occasionally bring up reconciliation.

Pregnancy is highly unlikey; I take the same precautions with ExH as I would with any other FWB.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are other guys who are great in bed. Tons of them. Its conference session, fresh meat each week.

Completely agree that ExDH isn't the only guy who is great in bed. But he performs reliably, knows what I like, and can be at my house in 10 minutes. Plus I'm not interested in a constantly rotating cast of characters in my bedroom, though no issues at all with those who take that approach.

[Anonymous]

1. He's sleeping with others, so odds of you catching something are going up.

2. This is becoming a crutch for you. You can always find reasons not to venture out and this is easy and comfortable.

3. He has exactly what he wants. He gets the best of you and can run around elsewhere.

Time to suck it up and move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Okay, so I’ll give you the answer you seem to know you need to hear:
Yes, you need to stop sleeping with your ex.

You offer some excuse about not having time for meeting others because you’re a single mother. That’s bs. What’s really going on is that it’s hard to date. It’s hard to put yourself out there. It’s scary. So you make up this excuse and retreat back to the guy who’s treated you like sh!t.

Let’s talk about the sex. Sure, it’s fabulous. Mind blowing. You shared that you are high needs, so it just makes sense that he can fulfill this simple need, right? But if you read your entire post, it turns out that you’re just kidding yourself. Again, this guy has treated you like sh!t. He broke his commitment to you. But maybe for a few moments, for a few weeks, you can feel like you’re number 1 to him again. You’ve got his attention and get to forget that he’s hurt you.

Also, sleeping with him means you don’t have to sit alone with yourself to figure out why you were drawn to someone who is such a crappy partner. What signs did you intentionally overlook? What is it that you were drawn to that you knew was unhealthy for you? Why don’t you deserve better than him? Only by being alone and sitting with yourself (and perhaps a really good therapist) can you unpack this so that you don’t keep choosing the same kind of guy. But if you keep sleeping with him, you never take that alone time and have to sit with yourself. Instead you get that high from being his number one gal and don’t deal with the crap he’s handed out. Rinse and repeat.

If you had shared that your break up was because you just couldn’t be on same page with our life goals, but you had both been committed partners to each other, then sleeping with him occasionally wouldn’t be that bad. But that’s not what you offered. You’re not married anymore because he was a crappy partner who has broken your heart. He can’t commit. And you want someone who can commit. Every time you sleep with him, you put off dealing with why you were attracted to someone who won’t give you the respect and commitment you deserve. You put off that necessary discomfort to deal with YOU and why you’ve allowed that to happen. And you put off creating that space where someone new, someone who might treat you better can come in.

Stop with the excuses. It’s not about your high sex drive. It’s about making a connection with the jerk who couldn’t commit to you. You deserve better. But you knew that already.

Dear Lord. I'm sorry, but not surprised your husband killed himself. She's using him as much as he is using her and they both understand that - kudos to both. It's not reconciliation, it's sex. And (I can't believe I have to point this out, but then again, consider the audience) hooking up and finding someone new are NOT MUTUALLY EXCLUSIVE.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:1. He's sleeping with others, so odds of you catching something are going up.

2. This is becoming a crutch for you. You can always find reasons not to venture out and this is easy and comfortable.

3. He has exactly what he wants. He gets the best of you and can run around elsewhere.

Time to suck it up and move on.

This is pretty one sided and sexist.

She's getting the best of him, with none of the headache.

Use condoms, get tested more often.