Reply to I Should Stop Sleeping w/My ExDH Right?

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Reply to "I Should Stop Sleeping w/My ExDH Right?"

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[quote=Anonymous]Okay, so I’ll give you the answer you seem to know you need to hear:
Yes, you need to stop sleeping with your ex.

You offer some excuse about not having time for meeting others because you’re a single mother. That’s bs. What’s really going on is that it’s hard to date. It’s hard to put yourself out there. It’s scary. So you make up this excuse and retreat back to the guy who’s treated you like sh!t.

Let’s talk about the sex. Sure, it’s fabulous. Mind blowing.  You shared that you are high needs, so it just makes sense that he can fulfill this simple need, right? But if you read your entire post, it turns out that you’re just kidding yourself. Again, this guy has treated you like sh!t. He broke his commitment to you. But maybe for a few moments, for a few weeks, you can feel like you’re number 1 to him again. You’ve got his attention and get to forget that he’s hurt you.

Also, sleeping with him means you don’t have to sit alone with yourself to figure out why you were drawn to someone who is such a crappy partner. What signs did you intentionally overlook? What is it that you were drawn to that you knew was unhealthy for you? Why don’t you deserve better than him?  Only by being alone and sitting with yourself (and perhaps a really good therapist) can you unpack this so that you don’t keep choosing the same kind of guy. But if you keep sleeping with him, you never take that alone time and have to sit with yourself. Instead you get that high from being his number one gal and don’t deal with the crap he’s handed out. Rinse and repeat.

If you had shared that your break up was because you just couldn’t be on same page with our life goals, but you had both been committed partners to each other, then sleeping with him occasionally wouldn’t be that bad. But that’s not what you offered. You’re not married anymore because he was a crappy partner who has broken your heart. He can’t commit. And you want someone who can commit. Every time you sleep with him, you put off dealing with why you were attracted to someone who won’t give you the respect and commitment you deserve. You put off that necessary discomfort to deal with YOU and why you’ve allowed that to happen. And you put off creating that space where someone new, someone who might treat you better can come in.

Stop with the excuses. It’s not about your high sex drive. It’s about making a connection with the jerk who couldn’t commit to you. You deserve better. But you knew that already.   [/quote]

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