Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel like I have a poor gauge of what is normal in a marriage regarding friendships with the opposite sex, as DH had a brief emotional affair a few years ago when I was going through postpartum depression. It was a difficult time for us, but we recovered, and I feel like things have been pretty good. However, DH seems prone to conversations via text with other women that, in my opinion, become a little too frequent and slightly flirty. I don't read his texts or monitor his phone on a regular basis, but I did ask to see it after having several texts popped up over the course of a few days from a woman's name I didn't recognize. Turns out this is someone he knew during high school and they reconnected via Facebook. Nothing is subversive about the conversation - it's talk about kids, her new house, work, going to the gym... It's just a lot of conversation and what seems to me a lot of effort put into it (like pulling pictures from the internet and inserting to make a joke), just a level of attentiveness that makes me slightly uncomfortable. I am probably crazy, I don't want to micromanage his life or friendships, but what happened in the past has made me apprehensive.

I feel like there's something he's seeking in these texting relationships, whether it's validation, an ego boost, or just a little excitement. I don't think he intends to be inappropriate or start an affair, but as I've told him, it's the secretiveness of it that bothers me. If this were someone I knew or he mentioned her or talked about her in casual conversation, I would have no problem with it. It's not like I think he shouldn't talk to or be friends with other women. I just feel like he's keeping it private in a weird way. Is this normal?

OP - who reached out first? Your husband? Or this other woman? I'd be curious as to how this all started.

Also it sounds like you reach all of their conversations so far. As much as he is texting, at least he isn't deleting anything.

But you know, those who say it's a slippery slope? It is. You know that since he had an EA already. How'd he end the first one?

Anonymous wrote:Wife feels in her gut that something is wrong. Husband is being dismissive of her feelings.

That sort of settles it for me. Something is off, and they need to figure it out.

YOUR decision to trust or not trust or snoop or not snoop or not care about who your spouse is texting is irrelevant. What matters here is the fact that OP is uncomfortable, and asked her DH to talk about it, and he basically called her crazy because he's "private" and tried to shut it down.

Sounds like she has reason to be concerned.

Anonymous wrote:I had a work guy friend and we would often text regular dumb stuff and then his texts became flirty and quite personal. At work he would be professional but then I would receive these late nights texts that clearly were meant to turn a friendship into something more. It took a couple of weeks to cut him off but I learned a big lesson.

Bella_lee wrote:Hi @OP, I think as women we have an instinct when things are out of sync. Normal for someone else's marriage might not necessarily be healthy for your marriage and communicating your feelings to your husband and vice versa is part of a good marriage in my opinion. My husband and I decided we needed healthy safeguards and boundaries to protect our marriage and this included not having private conversations with the opposite sex especially someone that was unknown to the other person. This was a decision we made together after going for marriage counselling and dealing with some issues we had gone through in our marriage. I hope with time, you will feel more reassured of your husband's fidelity and he more understanding of any concerns you may have.

Anonymous wrote:This is so bizarre. Do you both work? I mean how is this even possible if so. Do you never travel? Have work dinners? Need a mentor?
As a woman in a male dominated industry I’d never get anywhere if I had to agree to rules like this to be in a marriage.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is so bizarre. Do you both work? I mean how is this even possible if so. Do you never travel? Have work dinners? Need a mentor?
As a woman in a male dominated industry I’d never get anywhere if I had to agree to rules like this to be in a marriage.

What are you talking about?? This has nothing to do with work. It's a high school classmate that he reconnected with via social media. He is building a relationship with her because he wants to, or gets a thrill out of it, not for work. Did you even read?

Anonymous wrote:He already had a inappropriate relationship once. Why is he texting befriending other women you don't know? Especially single ones.

OP he has a problem, it's not you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is so bizarre. Do you both work? I mean how is this even possible if so. Do you never travel? Have work dinners? Need a mentor?
As a woman in a male dominated industry I’d never get anywhere if I had to agree to rules like this to be in a marriage.

What are you talking about?? This has nothing to do with work. It's a high school classmate that he reconnected with via social media. He is building a relationship with her because he wants to, or gets a thrill out of it, not for work. Did you even read?

Did YOU even read the PP??
They said they’d decided in THEIR marriage they wouldn’t talk to someone of the opposite sex their spouse didn’t know. How do you make it through life like that- and yes work too.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is so bizarre. Do you both work? I mean how is this even possible if so. Do you never travel? Have work dinners? Need a mentor?
As a woman in a male dominated industry I’d never get anywhere if I had to agree to rules like this to be in a marriage.

What are you talking about?? This has nothing to do with work. It's a high school classmate that he reconnected with via social media. He is building a relationship with her because he wants to, or gets a thrill out of it, not for work. Did you even read?