Should I get a divorce at 55
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Anonymous
I doubt they do. But at the same time, I am unclear on how negative an impact it has to model a relationship for them in which the mom and dad never talk, kiss, or act affectionate. And right now, DH goes out in the evenings to the gym or to visit his friends, so most nights he's not even home until 9pm. What would really be different if we got divorced, I wonder? |
Anonymous
So you ditch your husband, split your assets and then what? You suddenly reverse the clock and go back 20 years and become young, wild and free? No. If you want to do something exciting, you don't have to wait until you are divorced to do it (assuming it doesn't involve cheating). If you're divorced, you'll still be you only now you won't have your long term marriage and the kids will be splitting the holidays, birthdays, summers, vacations between you and your ex. If Op's husband has truly checked out and is off "living his own life" while still being married to OP and not even coming home until Op has already gone to bed then it is serious discussion time. Ideally you nip that sort of thing in the bud when it first starts to happen and before your marriage goes off the rails. But it sounds like, this is a well established pattern with the Op's husband so talking about it now may not do much good. Still worth a try, though. |
Anonymous
Good for you! |
Anonymous
That's a lot of married couples. I'm in a good marriage but if I was divorced I wouldn't be attracted to any 54 year old men. I would stay single and could be happy as long as I had good finances. Honestly, that's the big one. Whether you can be comfortable financially. |
Anonymous
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When it comes to divorce, the rule is, the answer is always "yes." (That is, if you're really fixating on it.)
Love and passion rarely come back. |
Anonymous
Yes, this. OP, keep all your options open. Do some research into divorce, see what's involved, what it will cost, and weigh your options. Try to imagine life post divorce when your kids are spending weekends or holidays with your former spouse. It would be difficult, but is it worse than staying married? You know in your gut what's right. Staying in an abusive marriage with a spouse who won't go to therapy and won't change is hopeless. If that's the case, get out. If you are just indifferent, bored and lonely, there might be hope if you and your spouse can change. Only you know the answer. |
taketothebank
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The economics of your life are likely to be very different post-divorce. I made a deal with my EXDW to split my income for five years after our divorce (both kids are adults and I help them with graduate school, etc.) If we had gone to court, it is likely I would not have owed her as much support; however, she did stay home for a number of years with the kids and I wanted to make sure she got as good a start on single life as was possible. One question. Have you considered the fact that your DH may be having an affair? The fact that he is out most nights until 9:00 pm without you (and not at work) seems like he might have something else going on. Best of luck to you. |
Anonymous
| OP, my mother left my father at 58. She was not able to find anyone new as in a husband, but made new friends. My father remarried, and that was a disaster. Men find new spouses much easier at that age, but his judgment was off. That said, they are both much more miserable than my in-laws who stuck it out. Also, it cost them a ton financially. My father's wife will disinherit us, plus my mother is impoverished. THINK. |
Anonymous
| OP, also remember that your spouses new SO could abuse your kids psychologically, and you would have very little control over that. No trivial issue. |
Anonymous
You do realize that what your wife gave you, you couldn't get by yourself right? The kids. You can't have kids. I don't think that men are doing their wives any favor by supporting them post divorce. In every case, I see women come out poorer than the men. To me, it should be a fifty-fifty split since the most valuable asset in a marriage was brought to the table by the mother. |
Anonymous
It actually sounds like he was pretty generous to her. |
Anonymous
She’ll probably get 1/2 if your pensions and TSP, at least the part earned during the marriage. My XDH is getting half of my federal pension. |
Anonymous
I think the point the PP had was that he did not have to give his EDH 50%, not matter what you think is fair. When one spouse earns more than 50% more than the other, Fairfax Circuit Court decided the higher breadwinner should pay 30 percent of her or his income, less half the amount of the lower breadwinner’s income. If you do the math, that is very seldom a 50%-50% split. Remember, child support is not determined in under the same set of guidelines as spousal support. Given this fact, it is lkely he gave her a better deal than he would have been forced to under a court's order. |
Anonymous
| It's different for every person. Factors always vary. Life is mostly about management. Management includes money, time, feelings, health and needs/feelings of dependents. The hardest decisions come when the positives and negatives are close to equal when deciding either way. In that case go with your gut , buy in 100 percent resolve to manage it to best of your ability. |
Anonymous
Maybe by our society's standards, but she was generous. She allowed half of his DNA to grow inside her, then pushed out the babies, and nurtured them. You're welcome. |