Separating from DW - how close is too for apartment?

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01/12/2018 11:16

Subject: Separating from DW - how close is too for apartment?

quote

Anonymous

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A few blocks away is too close if you will be living with an affair partner. People tend to socialize within the neighborhood and bringing an affair partner into the neighborhood where your wife and kids live creates all kinds if drama and dilemmas among neighborhood families about how to schedule social affairs w/ 1 or both of you. Instead of figuring it out, a lot of people will drop you. Also very wrong to move into the same neighborhood with an AP if you then try to maintain a facade that she was not AP, forcing everyone to choose to either lie or tell truth with negative consequences.

if they are separated, it is not an affair partner. sorry, your rights do not extend that far. she is a girlfriend.

The laws of your state may regard this differently -

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01/12/2018 11:25

Subject: Separating from DW - how close is too for apartment?

quote

Anonymous

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A few blocks away is too close if you will be living with an affair partner. People tend to socialize within the neighborhood and bringing an affair partner into the neighborhood where your wife and kids live creates all kinds if drama and dilemmas among neighborhood families about how to schedule social affairs w/ 1 or both of you. Instead of figuring it out, a lot of people will drop you. Also very wrong to move into the same neighborhood with an AP if you then try to maintain a facade that she was not AP, forcing everyone to choose to either lie or tell truth with negative consequences.

I love how OP said literally nothing about or pointing to an affair but because he’s male everyone is assuming that must be what broke up his marriage.

OP here - there is no AP or OW ...

I am not PP but at same time I would go a few miles given the choice because you might find someone or start dating etc and you don't want your ex keeping tabs on you if there is no hope for reconciliation. Not to mention what she may doing while you have the kids. I wouldn't want to deal with that mentally being so close.

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01/12/2018 11:28

Subject: Separating from DW - how close is too for apartment?

quote

Anonymous

I think it would be great for your kids if they could walk between the two houses. Would help them feel settled into one neighborhood and not so separated from the other parent. Adults should be mature enough to occasionally run into each other and not freak out about it - especially since they will be co-parenting together going forward and presumably need to interact quite a bit.

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01/12/2018 11:31

Subject: Re:Separating from DW - how close is too for apartment?

quote

sandmguy
Member
Joined: 04/26/2017 16:38
Messages: 33
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1) Don't move out!!!
2) As close as possible.

profile p.m.

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01/12/2018 11:34

Subject: Separating from DW - how close is too for apartment?

quote

Anonymous

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A few blocks away is too close if you will be living with an affair partner. People tend to socialize within the neighborhood and bringing an affair partner into the neighborhood where your wife and kids live creates all kinds if drama and dilemmas among neighborhood families about how to schedule social affairs w/ 1 or both of you. Instead of figuring it out, a lot of people will drop you. Also very wrong to move into the same neighborhood with an AP if you then try to maintain a facade that she was not AP, forcing everyone to choose to either lie or tell truth with negative consequences.

I love how OP said literally nothing about or pointing to an affair but because he’s male everyone is assuming that must be what broke up his marriage.

OP here - there is no AP or OW ...

I am not PP but at same time I would go a few miles given the choice because you might find someone or start dating etc and you don't want your ex keeping tabs on you if there is no hope for reconciliation. Not to mention what she may doing while you have the kids. I wouldn't want to deal with that mentally being so close.

I agree. Closer is better for the kids...until you start having women over to your new home. Then chance encounters become very fraught. I didn't see how old your kids are but this is especially true if there is any chance of them "popping over" on their own now or some time in the future.

If you are really hoping for a reconciliation, it may not matter. But if you are seeing this as the first step to "moving on" then I would live farther away.

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01/12/2018 11:38

Subject: Re:Separating from DW - how close is too for apartment?

quote

Anonymous

You could move next door and it'd be better for the kids. But keep in mind your own mental and emotional health. Having something that definitely feels separate will aid in that. I'd say within a 10 minute drive of your new + old places is fine. Easy distance for pick-up and drop-off.

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01/12/2018 14:20

Subject: Separating from DW - how close is too for apartment?

quote

Anonymous

I'm surprised you guys think you'll run into each other often. I have never seen either of my next door neighbors while out and about.

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01/13/2018 02:57

Subject: Separating from DW - how close is too for apartment?

quote

Anonymous

Anonymous wrote:I'm surprised you guys think you'll run into each other often. I have never seen either of my next door neighbors while out and about.

That’s a good point. My spouse does the grocery shopping on a schedule so there are a few people he sees that has a similar schedule. But I don’t think we’ve ever seen our neighbors anywhere other than on the block and Election Day at the polling place.

I have several friends that divorced and if financially they can afford it, they’ve stayed within the same high school cluster no more than 10 minutes away from each other. I think the main thing is you don’t have to pass by the ex’s house to get to your house or vice versa. As far as kids dropping by unannounced, once they can drive that can happen even if you are a 10 minute drive away. You have to figure out how to handle that at some point.

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01/13/2018 06:30

Subject: Separating from DW - how close is too for apartment?

quote

Anonymous

When DW and I separated, initially, I moved to place about 2 miles from home. But that was hard on DD. Upon consideration, we decided to save money by building an apartment in the basement -- it has its own exit to the house.

The idea was, if DD wanted to, she could know on the door anytime she wanted to to.

She felt better knowing I was there. By the time I moved in, the fighting had mostly ended. About one month in to living in the basement apartment, there was a knock on the door -- inside -- at about 11 PM. DW came in and wanted to talk. We talked. And more. Within a week, we were back together.

We rediscovered what initially attracted us to get married. That was about 10 years ago.

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01/13/2018 09:39

Subject: Separating from DW - how close is too for apartment?

quote

Anonymous

Anonymous wrote:When DW and I separated, initially, I moved to place about 2 miles from home. But that was hard on DD. Upon consideration, we decided to save money by building an apartment in the basement -- it has its own exit to the house.

The idea was, if DD wanted to, she could know on the door anytime she wanted to to.

She felt better knowing I was there. By the time I moved in, the fighting had mostly ended. About one month in to living in the basement apartment, there was a knock on the door -- inside -- at about 11 PM. DW came in and wanted to talk. We talked. And more. Within a week, we were back together.

We rediscovered what initially attracted us to get married. That was about 10 years ago.

I really like your story and congratulations. Hope your marriage is going well.

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01/13/2018 09:50

Subject: Separating from DW - how close is too for apartment?

quote

Anonymous

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A few blocks away is too close if you will be living with an affair partner. People tend to socialize within the neighborhood and bringing an affair partner into the neighborhood where your wife and kids live creates all kinds if drama and dilemmas among neighborhood families about how to schedule social affairs w/ 1 or both of you. Instead of figuring it out, a lot of people will drop you. Also very wrong to move into the same neighborhood with an AP if you then try to maintain a facade that she was not AP, forcing everyone to choose to either lie or tell truth with negative consequences.

I love how OP said literally nothing about or pointing to an affair but because he’s male everyone is assuming that must be what broke up his marriage.

OP here - there is no AP or OW ...

I am not PP but at same time I would go a few miles given the choice because you might find someone or start dating etc and you don't want your ex keeping tabs on you if there is no hope for reconciliation. Not to mention what she may doing while you have the kids. I wouldn't want to deal with that mentally being so close.

I agree. Closer is better for the kids...until you start having women over to your new home. Then chance encounters become very fraught. I didn't see how old your kids are but this is especially true if there is any chance of them "popping over" on their own now or some time in the future.

If you are really hoping for a reconciliation, it may not matter. But if you are seeing this as the first step to "moving on" then I would live farther away.

This doesn't make sense. The parent in the family home may also start to date at some point. Either parent would explain in age appropriate ways why there was another person there. I know two couples who live within a couple blocks. The kids bike back and forth all the time. Both parents dated and eventually remarried. Living close by was a very positive thing for both families.