Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like your son is old enough to answer that he doesn't really know or that it's none of her business, or we don't talk about money at home, or whatever you'd like him to say.

But also let your ex know it's not cool to put kid in middle of that.

DS is a polite boy who has been raised not to be snooty with other people, especially the ones in his parents' lives.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like your son is old enough to answer that he doesn't really know or that it's none of her business, or we don't talk about money at home, or whatever you'd like him to say.

But also let your ex know it's not cool to put kid in middle of that.

DS is a polite boy who has been raised not to be snooty with other people, especially the ones in his parents' lives.

That's nice, but it appears he's been given an opportunity now to learn how - with your help - to maintain appropriate boundaries when family members try use their close relationships to challenge those boundaries.

His father's new wife is not a family member.

OP, I usually support resolving conflicts with politeness but in this case your ex's wife is overstepping the boundaries with respect to your son, and his father is not stepping in. It doesn't matter if she's tired or if she didn't mean anything by it. I would teach your son to respond in a way that feels like a metaphysical slap in the face.

For instance:

"Hey Larlo, is this what your mom gave you for your birthday? Wow! Looks fancy! How much did this cost?"

Long look. Smile. Pause. "Why do you ask?"

Easy. Simple. Guaranteed to make her feel like shit.

Yes, she is a family member and probably caring for him while he is in their home.

OP. From what DS tells me, she really isn't "caring for him." Yes, they all eat together but other than that, everyone does their own thing. DS doesn't need diapers or to be chaperoned all the time. His siblings are much younger than him so there aren't that many sibling activities they can do together.

That's nice if Dad/child get some alone time but she's most likely doing the cooking, cleaning and shopping. Caring is a relative term. She may not be actually watching him but she cares for him and his needs in their home.

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like your son is old enough to answer that he doesn't really know or that it's none of her business, or we don't talk about money at home, or whatever you'd like him to say.

But also let your ex know it's not cool to put kid in middle of that.

DS is a polite boy who has been raised not to be snooty with other people, especially the ones in his parents' lives.

That's nice, but it appears he's been given an opportunity now to learn how - with your help - to maintain appropriate boundaries when family members try use their close relationships to challenge those boundaries.

His father's new wife is not a family member.

OP, I usually support resolving conflicts with politeness but in this case your ex's wife is overstepping the boundaries with respect to your son, and his father is not stepping in. It doesn't matter if she's tired or if she didn't mean anything by it. I would teach your son to respond in a way that feels like a metaphysical slap in the face.

For instance:

"Hey Larlo, is this what your mom gave you for your birthday? Wow! Looks fancy! How much did this cost?"

Long look. Smile. Pause. "Why do you ask?"

Easy. Simple. Guaranteed to make her feel like shit.

Yes, she is a family member and probably caring for him while he is in their home.

No, she really isn't.

He is in his father's home. If the father is pushing off caretaking responsibilities to this wife, that's on him.

Look, she really is. Be as bitter about that as you need to be. But this woman married the boy's father, making her his step mother. She's family, even if he sees her only rarely and she doesn't provide care. I see my aunt once a year and she's still my family. I haven't seen my cousins in 4 years and they're still my family.

Your aunts and cousins are presumably related to you by blood.

Look, family means something. It means a degree of connection, consideration and deference not accorded to people who are not family. His father's new wife is just another adult to him - I doubt he feels any connection or consideration toward her. He doesn't owe her anything except politeness. It doesn't sound like they have a "close relationship."

I am not blood related to my child or stepchildren. Does that not make me his mom if the definition is blood related? A stepmom is family. Mom may not want her to be family but then she never should have agreed or asked for a divorce.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like your son is old enough to answer that he doesn't really know or that it's none of her business, or we don't talk about money at home, or whatever you'd like him to say.

But also let your ex know it's not cool to put kid in middle of that.

DS is a polite boy who has been raised not to be snooty with other people, especially the ones in his parents' lives.

That's nice, but it appears he's been given an opportunity now to learn how - with your help - to maintain appropriate boundaries when family members try use their close relationships to challenge those boundaries.

His father's new wife is not a family member.

OP, I usually support resolving conflicts with politeness but in this case your ex's wife is overstepping the boundaries with respect to your son, and his father is not stepping in. It doesn't matter if she's tired or if she didn't mean anything by it. I would teach your son to respond in a way that feels like a metaphysical slap in the face.

For instance:

"Hey Larlo, is this what your mom gave you for your birthday? Wow! Looks fancy! How much did this cost?"

Long look. Smile. Pause. "Why do you ask?"

Easy. Simple. Guaranteed to make her feel like shit.

Yes, she is a family member and probably caring for him while he is in their home.

OP. From what DS tells me, she really isn't "caring for him." Yes, they all eat together but other than that, everyone does their own thing. DS doesn't need diapers or to be chaperoned all the time. His siblings are much younger than him so there aren't that many sibling activities they can do together.

That's nice if Dad/child get some alone time but she's most likely doing the cooking, cleaning and shopping. Caring is a relative term. She may not be actually watching him but she cares for him and his needs in their home.

She isn't shopping, cooking and cleaning for him alone. He comes over every other weekend so all she's doing is making three meals for five instead of four once every two weeks. Big whoop. I have people over for dinner more often than that, and I shop and cook, and clean afterwards. That doesn't make them family. I am at a loss as to what you mean by caring, seeing as the boy is old enough to take care of himself. With two young children on her hands, I doubt she is reading him bedtime stories, buttoning his pjs or tucking him in.

Anonymous wrote:
It still takes effort. Instead of complaining, why not give them more time. Every other weekend is not a chance to build a relationship. Your attitude is probably why they have a crappy relationship. Marriage does make a family. If you remarry, that means your husband is not family?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
It still takes effort. Instead of complaining, why not give them more time. Every other weekend is not a chance to build a relationship. Your attitude is probably why they have a crappy relationship. Marriage does make a family. If you remarry, that means your husband is not family?

What a ridiculous suggestion - that mother should give up time with her child so that his father's wife has more time. Why? So she has more opportunities to grill the poor child about how much money mom makes?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
It still takes effort. Instead of complaining, why not give them more time. Every other weekend is not a chance to build a relationship. Your attitude is probably why they have a crappy relationship. Marriage does make a family. If you remarry, that means your husband is not family?

What a ridiculous suggestion - that mother should give up time with her child so that his father's wife has more time. Why? So she has more opportunities to grill the poor child about how much money mom makes?

She has 28-31 days with the child, Dad has 4-6 at most. She should allow Dad and child time together so they have a real relationship.

Anonymous wrote:If there is 50/50 and you make more, technically you should be paying him child support. He still has to provide a room, clothing, food at his house which you seem to forget and has equal expenses. It doesn't matter how much you spend as he is probably spending the same, if not more if he is paying child support and buying the bigger ticket items like the laptop.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
It still takes effort. Instead of complaining, why not give them more time. Every other weekend is not a chance to build a relationship. Your attitude is probably why they have a crappy relationship. Marriage does make a family. If you remarry, that means your husband is not family?

What a ridiculous suggestion - that mother should give up time with her child so that his father's wife has more time. Why? So she has more opportunities to grill the poor child about how much money mom makes?

She has 28-31 days with the child, Dad has 4-6 at most. She should allow Dad and child time together so they have a real relationship.

Dad is busy with his new family now. Perhaps the 4-6 days means he can focus just on his boy during those visits.

Anonymous wrote:I'm shocked judges are still only doling out every other weekend to dads. Dads should get 50/50 visitation and there shouldn't be a reason for child support. Most other countries don't have child support because dads get equal time.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm shocked judges are still only doling out every other weekend to dads. Dads should get 50/50 visitation and there shouldn't be a reason for child support. Most other countries don't have child support because dads get equal time.

Source for this?

Has it occurred to you that many dads don't want 50/50?