New wife wants to know about finances

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm shocked judges are still only doling out every other weekend to dads. Dads should get 50/50 visitation and there shouldn't be a reason for child support. Most other countries don't have child support because dads get equal time.

Child support is about the income of the two parties, as well as the time spent. Whether you're a dad or a mom, you will pay child support if you make more, unless you have the kid almost all the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like your son is old enough to answer that he doesn't really know or that it's none of her business, or we don't talk about money at home, or whatever you'd like him to say.

But also let your ex know it's not cool to put kid in middle of that.

Yep. "I'm not going to talk with you about that." "It's not my job to spy on my mother's finances for you."

Etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You have posted about your son before and how the new family treats him because you have more money.

I think you are overthinking all of this. Time to find a hobby and let the dynamics work themselves out over at the other house.

I thought this post sounded familiar but I was too lazy to search the archives. I think this is the poster who goes on nice vacations with the kid and the other family doesn't like it IIRC.

[Anonymous]

Perhaps because she realized her husband pays you very little, and is trying to assess whether your child's life is comfortable or whether your ex needs to pony up a bit more.

Seriously. Please don't assume the worst. Your relationship with her is definitely going to be bad if you do!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm shocked judges are still only doling out every other weekend to dads. Dads should get 50/50 visitation and there shouldn't be a reason for child support. Most other countries don't have child support because dads get equal time.

You mean 3rd world countries where people don't have access to basic necessities?
Because if developed nations, what you say is resoundingly false!

[Anonymous]

I would ask her why she is asking child about your finances and tell her your personal finances are none of her business. Stop being passive aggressive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"I don't know, but my mom said when you have questions about her money you should call her instead of asking me. Do you want me to tell you her phone number?"

Nope not this, still puts kid int he middle. just "I don't know"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm shocked judges are still only doling out every other weekend to dads. Dads should get 50/50 visitation and there shouldn't be a reason for child support. Most other countries don't have child support because dads get equal time.

Source for this?

Has it occurred to you that many dads don't want 50/50?

Often Dad's want more but the Mom's make all kinds of accusations and find ways via evaluations and other stuff to block 50/50 to punish the Dad's. It should be automatic 50/50 but its not how it works. And, if Mom refuses parenting time there are few consequences despite going back to court many times. Been there done that and judge just tells mom to send the kids.

[Anonymous]

Logically, she realizes her husband has to support his other child. Personally, it is probably difficult for her to see money go out every month (even a paltry $350) that is diverted away from her family and kids because her husband had a life and family before her. It really is that simple. She has no business doing it, it probably won't get reduced and it puts your kid in a bad spot but that's the motivation for her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Long story short: divorced several years ago, lovely child, that exDH and I adore. ExDH remarries, has a few babies, lives frugally, his parents help him out from time to time.

I have recently found out that new wife has been asking DS about MY finances like how much I make, how much our vacation cost, how much my car costs. Damn, she even asked him how much I paid for his birthday present. Finally, she asked about how much my BF makes. Obviously, DS had no idea because that's smth neither his father or I felt we needed to share with him.

I should mention that the child support exDH pays is very little compared to how much I spend on our child. Yes, I make more than he does, primarily because I invested in my career early on.

Why would she care so much?

Because she would like your exDH to be paying less child support, of course.

Don’t worry about it. If he asks for an adjustment, bring your numbers to court and let them decide. Sounds like you’ll be fine either way.

Do talk to your ex about telling his wife to quit talking to your DS about finances, because it’s not appropriate to put him in in the middle. That’s for your ex to negotiate, though, not you.

I don't know how much more we can adjust, unless he stops paying CS altogether. He pays (drum roll) $350/month.

I did talk to exDH about this. He felt uncomfortable and blurted out "oh, she is just tired. She doesn't mean anything by it. Don't be so sensitive."

It can definitely go lower. My XH pays $100 a month. He recently tried to get it reduced to $50.

[Anonymous]

Even in 50/50, one parent may be meeting much more of the child’s needs than the other. I take the child to all medical things, provide the insurance, pay any copays or deductibles, buy the Rxs. I pay all school related expenses such as supplies, money in lunch account, and field trip fees. I buy the winter coat, hat, boots, and gloves. I pay the bus fare for the days the weather is too bad to walk or DC has to carry something heavy.

This is just a sampling. I do much more that isn’t luxuries or extras. So, even though we have 50/50 (on paper, mind you) and I make more, he pays CS.