I made a mistake...but now it's too late, right?

post reply Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)
[Post New]07/24/2017 14:29
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Anonymous
counseling for you on how to live with someone with depression. You also have your own issues - the line between being supportive of someone else's help and trying to fix or do for them seems muddled; and you seem to frame your happiness as dependent on his happiness; and, finally, you are clearly having some kind of buyer's remorse which you need to sort out with a professional (but not without honestly trying also to address your other issues).

These are YOUR issues. They may have arisen because you believe he is depressed, but the way you react to and cope with that is what is within your control.


Spot on.
[Post New]07/24/2017 19:05
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Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
counseling for you on how to live with someone with depression. You also have your own issues - the line between being supportive of someone else's help and trying to fix or do for them seems muddled; and you seem to frame your happiness as dependent on his happiness; and, finally, you are clearly having some kind of buyer's remorse which you need to sort out with a professional (but not without honestly trying also to address your other issues).

These are YOUR issues. They may have arisen because you believe he is depressed, but the way you react to and cope with that is what is within your control.


Spot on.


This. I think it's sad that you're hell bent on your husband being the one with the issues. You have yours too and I guarantee they are bringing your marriage too. I mean sure, go around convincing yourself that you're perfect and the victim of your husband, but you are only hurting yourself. (And your kids).
[Post New]07/24/2017 19:15
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Anonymous
"Depression" is something that can last weeks, months or years. It's not something that people snap out of after a couple of days. And depression is also something that people can experience when there's no real reason to feel it.

What you're talking about really sounds he's just in a bad mood a lot of the time with you. And I agree with the other PPs that there's a decent chance he's in a bad mood with you because he knows you married him because you were emotionally needy and didn't have someone better around at the time, and now you regret it and think you can do better. I don't know many people who would be happy about that.

I'd start by being honest, both with him and with myself.
[Post New]07/24/2017 19:26
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Norcalinva
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Gheeeee, you think may be he figured out he is married to someone that faked attraction and used him? Do you think it might suck to realize you played like an idiot by someone you "adored"?
Frankly, you sound like a narcissist. " for their benefit, I'm sacrificing my happiness and desires and staying with their dad." Seems to me he is the sacrificing, after all you married someone that loved you and "adored you", he married someone "he grew on", and are wondering if you can find someone better basically you have no respect for him and he is to serve your purposes.
"It would be very hard to parent alone".......again its all about you.
If he is lucky you will tell the truth and do him a favor and let him find a good woman, there a re plenty out there and thats who you will be competing with in terms of "what are my chances at finding someone else desirable in my late 30s with two kids". Probably not that good, I suspect you may find you arent as attractive or desirable as you think you are. Maybe thats the problem, you think you are too good for him.
[Post New]07/24/2017 19:39
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Norcalinva
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This reminds me of an article I read about a lady running a dating company. It was basically a match making service, personally done by the match maker. This woman and her staff said the majority of women ( under 40 ) coming to them to find a match were essentially delusional, self-absorbed narcissists. They had an image (overblown) of themselves in their own mind no else would associate with them. They also viewed others as worthy of being in a serious relationship with their overblown self-image and would be completely offended when a man didnt want to date them.
[Post New]07/24/2017 21:38
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Anonymous
It may be a while before you can earn back your freedom, OP. I wouldn’t divorce until you are confident that your boys will be okay alone with your now-DH half of the time. You made a mistake, but I don’t think the penalty should be a life sentence.
[Post New]07/25/2017 03:11
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Anonymous
I know this is out there OP, but I used to get these awful bouts of depression for years, and I wasn't even conscious of it myself. Then recently I was just fatigued, at a friend's suggestion made some small diet changes: eliminated artificial sweeteners, and started a daily smoothie of berries and ground flaxseed, and added veggies on occasion. Not a huge change. Within a month, it's like magic, my outlook and happiness in life is just amazing. I did it because I was fatigued but my mood change is the most dramatic result, and I sleep better, and my energy and memory improved. It can't hurt to try.
[Post New]07/25/2017 14:26
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froggymom
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I'm sure you heard the expression" the grass is always greener on the other side". Marriage is a commitment and both partners must work at it. None of us is perfect and all can make improvements in ourselves. It must be a terrible sorrow and suffering for your husband too. It's great that he snaps out of it in short periods of time. Maybe seek counseling for yourself if he won't go.
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