What do people fight about?
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Anonymous
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Spouse and I don't really fight/argue. I don't know what it is that people actually fight over. What do you actually spend time in disagreement over? Do you yell?
I'm left wondering is it because we are both not bringing issues up in order to discuss them, is it a function of fairly stable/ easygoing personalities, or because we are so supremely compatible that all other loves pale in comparison to ours? |
Anonymous
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Dh and I argue about his (lack) of involvement in parenting.
And if he can't find something, it's my fault so I get defensive. |
mshakespeare
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People fight about all types of things... The presence of fighting is just as telling as the absence of fighting... Neither necessarily means that the relationship is going well or poorly - quite frankly - some people might argue that the reason you don't fight in your relationship is that neither one of you cares enough about your relationship to fight over it... However, to answer your question - I used to fight with my ex over how to raise her children - she had 3 from a previous relationship... I thought she didn't discipline them enough - she thought I was too strict... Different upbringings and certainly different cultures... |
Anonymous
| We fight about his messiness, his laziness/not pulling his weight with kids and household, as well as his spendthrift ways and the fact that he only wants sex, vanilla at that, about once a week. Not surprisingly, we also fight because he thinks I'm a nag lol. |
Anonymous
| We don't really fight but we do discuss differences in parenting styles. |
Anonymous
So the only reason you divorced was the discipline issue? |
mshakespeare
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Um - we were never married. We broke up partly because of the fighting - but primarily because I screwed up (not cheating or abusing - before people go there). |
Anonymous
| We fight because we both WOH full time and feel like the other one should be doing more at home. We are constantly tired and stressed, and that leads to short tempers. |
Anonymous
| Dh and I don't fight. Haven't ever had a fight, actually. We had a long discussion once when I said something insensitive, but we try our hardest to treat each other with respect and love. |
mshakespeare
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My brother and his wife went through this... Something I suggested that helped them was to: write down all the things that have to happen around the house and then split them up... you both could very well be doing a lot of work - but sometimes - when you actually see it in writing - you realize that you are both doing an equal share - it just feels like more when you are in the thick of it and then tempers flare! |
Anonymous
+1 nice. OP here, I think we are mostly like this. But also avoiders. |
mshakespeare
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I think you need to define fight... Does that mean that you disagree about something and argue about it? Does that mean that someone had to yell? Does that mean that someone was violent? What exactly entails a fight? As to your point - it's great to not fight - as long as you are NOT being avoiders. I think that the hard part about a relationship where people don't "fight" is that if you are avoiding - you really may not know what is going on in your partners head. You could think everything is great! Meanwhile, your spouse is planning their escape because of all the crap and resentment that has built up over the years. |
Anonymous
| For us it is parenting differences. OP-- do you have children? |
Anonymous
| Once in awhile we fight if he stays out too late. We don't have kids. I trust him completely, I just subscribe to the saying, "nothing good happens after midnight." It doesn't happen often though. |
Anonymous
| sex. I want it. She doesn't. |