What do people fight about?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We fight about how to divide up our free time among our parents/inlaws. And also about discretionary spending. We make good money and save a ton - but DH wants to save everything. Our house is 30 years old with original bathrooms for example - does he want them remodeled? Of course not! Grrrr. I'm getting riled up just thinking about it.

Interesting. We never fight about these two issues, or parenting. Plenty of other issues to fight about

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OK. how do you all FIGHT about sex?

Spouse 1 - makes a move
Spouse 2 - rejects it
Interaction over

or

Spouse 1 - makes a move
Spouse 2 - engages
Sex ensues

I guess if scenario 1 happens too often somebody might get upset ... but how does that go down?

Spouse 1 - makes a move
Spouse 2 - rejects it
Spouse 1 points out that this is the XXth straight time he's been rejected and it feels like shit and is really hurting the relationship
Spouse 2 says shut up I don't understand why it's such a big deal to you
Argument ensues. Might lead to a discussion about what is a big deal to each and why. Usually just leaves both pissed off

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OK. how do you all FIGHT about sex?

Spouse 1 - makes a move
Spouse 2 - rejects it
Interaction over

or

Spouse 1 - makes a move
Spouse 2 - engages
Sex ensues

I guess if scenario 1 happens too often somebody might get upset ... but how does that go down?

No, not this. I ask for oral, he says, "you didn't used to like it, so I won't give it to you now." I feel like he only wants vanilla, so I am very bored and we have starfish sex once a week. Very polite. Quite unsatisfying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Him working ALL.The.TIME.
Sex- I want it and he's content with twice a week.
Mostly sex. I get really angry and feel rejected. Who turns down bjs??!!

Life is cruel. I make an excellent living, work 35 - 40 hours per week, have never turned down a BJ, and have a wife who doesn't care a thing about having sex (at least with me).

No one in their right mind ... Come here, I promise I won't turn it down

My husband turns them down too because he can only do it once in a 24 hour period and knows he won't be able to satisfy me if he finishes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand how you don't fight. I mean, not huge yelling matches, but normal fighting.

Do you see every single thing in your life the exact same way? Or do you just back down whenever there is conflict b/c you hate conflict?

My husband dislikes conflict. But the reason we rarely fight is what another poster mentioned. We have been together over 20 years. A fight - as in me expressing displeasure with some aspect of our life together and him responding - accomplishes exactly nothing except hard feelings. I've come to largely accept that I can't force him to give importance to certain things I think are important.

For instance, he's a financial idiot. He knows it and he feels bad about it and we work together to minimize the ways in which he can screw up. Yet he managed through carelessness to cost us over $3,000 in 2016. I expressed irritation but didn't read him the riot act. What's the point? He already feels stupid and that feeling does not translate into any changes. That's just one example.

OP here. Yes, yes, this!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OK. how do you all FIGHT about sex?

Spouse 1 - makes a move
Spouse 2 - rejects it
Interaction over

or

Spouse 1 - makes a move
Spouse 2 - engages
Sex ensues

I guess if scenario 1 happens too often somebody might get upset ... but how does that go down?

No, not this. I ask for oral, he says, "you didn't used to like it, so I won't give it to you now." I feel like he only wants vanilla, so I am very bored and we have starfish sex once a week. Very polite. Quite unsatisfying.

These men just freaking amaze me ... DH here and I love going down. Soooo hot

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Him working ALL.The.TIME.
Sex- I want it and he's content with twice a week.
Mostly sex. I get really angry and feel rejected. Who turns down bjs??!!

Life is cruel. I make an excellent living, work 35 - 40 hours per week, have never turned down a BJ, and have a wife who doesn't care a thing about having sex (at least with me).

No one in their right mind ... Come here, I promise I won't turn it down

My husband turns them down too because he can only do it once in a 24 hour period and knows he won't be able to satisfy me if he finishes.

My DW is satisfied almost exclusively through oral. So if I do her first, then I get mine, either oral or PIV, but I make sure she gets hers first

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OK. how do you all FIGHT about sex?

Spouse 1 - makes a move
Spouse 2 - rejects it
Interaction over

or

Spouse 1 - makes a move
Spouse 2 - engages
Sex ensues

I guess if scenario 1 happens too often somebody might get upset ... but how does that go down?

No, not this. I ask for oral, he says, "you didn't used to like it, so I won't give it to you now." I feel like he only wants vanilla, so I am very bored and we have starfish sex once a week. Very polite. Quite unsatisfying.

These men just freaking amaze me ... DH here and I love going down. Soooo hot

You are apparently not a repressed Catholic.

[Anonymous]

Money. She manages it like a twelve year old.

[Anonymous]

My ex and I fight about two things. One is politics, so now I just try like hell never to bring up anything related. (I voted for Hillary, he voted for Trump but I think he regrets it a little.)

The other is little things about how we raise our daughter. He has a tendency to be a hypocrite about stuff. Like he'll get on my case because I gave her cheerios for breakfast (instead of something with more protein.) But he'll send her to school with an Arby's roast beef sandwich in her lunch box, and then there was the time when McDonald's started their all day breakfast and they literally went to McDonald's for egg mcmuffins 3 times a week for 3 weeks.

So yeah. Hypocrite.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My ex and I fight about two things. One is politics, so now I just try like hell never to bring up anything related. (I voted for Hillary, he voted for Trump but I think he regrets it a little.)

The other is little things about how we raise our daughter. He has a tendency to be a hypocrite about stuff. Like he'll get on my case because I gave her cheerios for breakfast (instead of something with more protein.) But he'll send her to school with an Arby's roast beef sandwich in her lunch box, and then there was the time when McDonald's started their all day breakfast and they literally went to McDonald's for egg mcmuffins 3 times a week for 3 weeks.

So yeah. Hypocrite.

You don't fight about sex, money, how clean/messy the house is, who does what chores? Wow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My ex and I fight about two things. One is politics, so now I just try like hell never to bring up anything related. (I voted for Hillary, he voted for Trump but I think he regrets it a little.)

The other is little things about how we raise our daughter. He has a tendency to be a hypocrite about stuff. Like he'll get on my case because I gave her cheerios for breakfast (instead of something with more protein.) But he'll send her to school with an Arby's roast beef sandwich in her lunch box, and then there was the time when McDonald's started their all day breakfast and they literally went to McDonald's for egg mcmuffins 3 times a week for 3 weeks.

So yeah. Hypocrite.

You don't fight about sex, money, how clean/messy the house is, who does what chores? Wow.

Me neither. Sex, we have enough, money, I don't bring up, the house is mostly clean, if I want a chore done, I do it.

[Anonymous]

^^ Really people? You never have disagreements where one party digs in, or is being unreasonable?

I just am not able to sit and stew on bad feelings or if I think I'm being mistreated. I don't scream and rage about it, but I will say what I really think. My DH has a strong personality and he will sometimes flat out disagree with me and an "argument" almost like a debate starts.

It sounds like the non-fighters just back down. You don't want sex? OK, Good night. Simmer with resentment. But if there is a pattern, we point it out to each other. I guess we have had god results (14 years) of altering our behavior and becoming more sensitive to the other's needs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Spouse and I don't really fight/argue. I don't know what it is that people actually fight over. What do you actually spend time in disagreement over? Do you yell?

I'm left wondering is it because we are both not bringing issues up in order to discuss them, is it a function of fairly stable/ easygoing personalities, or because we are so supremely compatible that all other loves pale in comparison to ours?

Where/how to spend holidays, him not wanting to see my friends, me not listening, him not listening. Some yelling, but we can't stay mad long.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My ex and I fight about two things. One is politics, so now I just try like hell never to bring up anything related. (I voted for Hillary, he voted for Trump but I think he regrets it a little.)

The other is little things about how we raise our daughter. He has a tendency to be a hypocrite about stuff. Like he'll get on my case because I gave her cheerios for breakfast (instead of something with more protein.) But he'll send her to school with an Arby's roast beef sandwich in her lunch box, and then there was the time when McDonald's started their all day breakfast and they literally went to McDonald's for egg mcmuffins 3 times a week for 3 weeks.

So yeah. Hypocrite.

You don't fight about sex, money, how clean/messy the house is, who does what chores? Wow.

Me neither. Sex, we have enough, money, I don't bring up, the house is mostly clean, if I want a chore done, I do it.

See, I'm not willing to do all the chores. I'm not just going to suck it up and be a martyr filled with resentment just to avoid confrontation. I'm not going to do every single doctor's appointment, camp schedule, vacation plan, all the dishes, the laundry, birthday parties, the yard work etc etc etc, which is what would happen if I did what you did.