Trying New Approach to Dating and Sex and It's Not Going Well..

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[Post New]02/05/2017 16:52
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Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:Divorced woman , late 40's with two teenagers.... I've been dating now for three years. Mostly online but a few guys I met in real life. I have probably been out with at least 30 men. Most just first dates. A few lasted maybe a month. Two lasted three months. I have a very high sex drive and sex is very important to me in a relationship. With most men I've dated I've had sex on the second or third date. My philosophy has been that if we aren't sexually compatible I would rather find out sooner rather than later. The sex was great with the two men I dated last year for about 3 months each. By three months however when I had gotten to know them better I realized the sex was the reason I continued to date them because we really turned out to be incompatible in almost every other area.

So for 2017 I decided to take a new approach and not rush into sex. I've been dating two men now for about a month and have been seeing them once or twice a week. Just this week it started to get physical and it turns out both of them have low sex drive issues and can't currently achieve or sustain an erection. I am beyond frustrated and disappointed and am thinking I should go back to my old MO.

The men are in their late 40's/early 50's. Is the case with a lot of the men out there or am I just really unlucky!? I really like them both a lot in every other respect.

Ugh.


Any guy in their late 40's or early 50's who can't achieve or sustain an erection and is dating is a fool. If it happens more than once, turn to Viagra or Cialis. On the other hand, maybe they weren't really turned on by OP. Also, when you hit 50 a little too much alcohol can damage the libido.

[Post New]02/05/2017 17:41
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Anonymous
It figures that one of the rare, pick unicorn high drive women would somehow pair up with a couple duds.
Sigh!

- High drive late 40s male with low drive wife
[Post New]02/05/2017 19:41
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Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:I'm 48 with a pretty high sex drive and was really attracted to a 65 year old guy who was smart, handsome, funny, successful....but 65. I was very concerned that he might have either a low sex drive or ED problems. We had a couple of great dates but I decided he was too old for me. A couple of months later a GF of mine started dating him and, over a few glasses of wine, revealed that the guy was an incredible stud without any assistance. My lesson learned is that just because a goy has snow on the roof doesn't mean he doesn't have fire somewhere else! Test them out!


Did you propose a threesome?
[Post New]02/05/2017 19:47
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Anonymous
Wait to have sex. You can learn a lot about a man/his sex drive/size of goods during a heavy makeout session without hitting the home run. Date all kinds of men, younger, older, same age...but make them work for it. If you're really desperate, use a vibrator. Men are programmed to work for things that are hard to get.
[Post New]02/05/2017 22:07
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Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:It figures that one of the rare, pick unicorn high drive women would somehow pair up with a couple duds.
Sigh!

- High drive late 40s male with low drive wife


I tend to think this isn't an accident -- being with a low drive guy probably causes the high drive in many women. You want what you can't have. On the flip side, I was pretty content with our sex life before kids. It was at once a week or so, and I didn't really give it much thought. Then pregnancy and little kids happened, once a week became once a month, and now I am constantly thinking about sex. Even if we just had sex last night, the next day, I'm wondering when the next time is going to be.
[Post New]02/05/2017 22:34
quote
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I'm 48 with a pretty high sex drive and was really attracted to a 65 year old guy who was smart, handsome, funny, successful....but 65. I was very concerned that he might have either a low sex drive or ED problems. We had a couple of great dates but I decided he was too old for me. A couple of months later a GF of mine started dating him and, over a few glasses of wine, revealed that the guy was an incredible stud without any assistance. My lesson learned is that just because a goy has snow on the roof doesn't mean he doesn't have fire somewhere else! Test them out!


Did you propose a threesome?


I might if he had a twin!
[Post New]02/05/2017 22:48
quote
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:It figures that one of the rare, pick unicorn high drive women would somehow pair up with a couple duds.
Sigh!

- High drive late 40s male with low drive wife


I tend to think this isn't an accident -- being with a low drive guy probably causes the high drive in many women. You want what you can't have. On the flip side, I was pretty content with our sex life before kids. It was at once a week or so, and I didn't really give it much thought. Then pregnancy and little kids happened, once a week became once a month, and now I am constantly thinking about sex. Even if we just had sex last night, the next day, I'm wondering when the next time is going to be.


I disagree. I have a FWB who is in her early 40s. She's never had children, but she is insatiable. Three times before breakfast and she's complaining she's horny before lunch. I think it's just hormones, and that when she's getting it good her body wants more.
[Post New]02/06/2017 11:11
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Anonymous
I'm 43 and recently divorced. For some reason I'm attracting the mid-30's men and, WOW, I had no idea. If you're high drive you may want to go younger. These guys, just wow.
[Post New]02/06/2017 11:26
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Anonymous
OP here - I wish that a younger man was the answer. I've dated some younger men and just was not that into them. I am so much more emotionally attracted to confident older men.
[Post New]02/06/2017 11:36
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Anonymous
OP, it actually sounds like you're not sure what you're looking for. There's a good chance in an older couple that one or both partners will develop some sexual dysfunction as they age, so even if the penis works now, and you want it all the time, who knows what the situation will be in five years?

I understand looking for sexual compatibility, but if this is all about penis-in-vagina sex, then go back to your old MO. If you're looking for a long-term companion, then you need to do some thinking about what your expectations are.

If a man your age came on here and said he wanted a woman your age who would have a high sex drive for the next 20 years, he'd be told "good luck." I feel that way here, too.
[Post New]02/07/2017 14:43
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Anonymous
LMFAO
It's also so sad that most women are clueless about men's sexuality.

No, you haven't gotten unlucky.
I'm 60 and can spring hard at the first thought of sex. It can be like flesh covered steel until I'm ready for it to explode.

Here's the thing though. After about age 45 or so, my penis grew a direct link to my ears. I've always been super confident around women. However, If a woman makes just one comment about a previous lover in any kind of way, innocent or not, my penis gets nervous of a comparison. It absolutely dumbfounds me what clueless women say sometimes. I can get into hearing about your lovers after we've become intimate, but not before. If you say anything at all about them that makes me think you are comparing us, then I'm going to have PE. I don't want to be compared at anytime up to being intimate. If women had a clue, they should learn to compliment the man they're with and stroke his ego.

The problem with PE is that it can last forever with 'said' woman. A couple years ago I had a very sex positive woman that told me about her previous lover prior to our first experience. I couldn't get erect no matter what she did. She was extremely patient for months until I finally broke it off because I realized it just wasn't going to happen. Even though I was extremely sexually attracted to her, I couldn't get out of my mind that she would compare me. I would rush home and think about her and get super hard and ejaculate. I just couldn't around her. It killed my self esteem.

Thankfully, the very next woman that never spoke of previous bf's, I had zero problems.

btw, viagra and cealis do nothing for PE.

[Post New]02/07/2017 16:03
quote
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:Wait to have sex. You can learn a lot about a man/his sex drive/size of goods during a heavy makeout session without hitting the home run. Date all kinds of men, younger, older, same age...but make them work for it. If you're really desperate, use a vibrator. Men are programmed to work for things that are hard to get.


"Heavy makeout session"? What, are you in high school? A woman who initiates or is into foreplay but doesn't want to actually have sex is a wackjob. She gets avoided from that point in time forward. If you don't want to have sex yet, don't engage in foreplay.

And if you're playing games otherwise - playing hard to get - you're a flake to be avoided.
[Post New]02/07/2017 16:31
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MikeL
Member Offline
Anonymous wrote:As a man in my 50's with a a high drive, believe it or not, I like an approach where nobody rushes into anything. Let's go out, learn more about each other, fantasize a little to build it up, and then hit it when the time is right and we can't stand to wait a minute longer.

I'm like this, too, as I've gotten older. Younger me wanted it the sooner the better. Older me likes to build up to it.
[Post New]02/07/2017 17:00
quote
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Wait to have sex. You can learn a lot about a man/his sex drive/size of goods during a heavy makeout session without hitting the home run. Date all kinds of men, younger, older, same age...but make them work for it. If you're really desperate, use a vibrator. Men are programmed to work for things that are hard to get.


"Heavy makeout session"? What, are you in high school? A woman who initiates or is into foreplay but doesn't want to actually have sex is a wackjob. She gets avoided from that point in time forward. If you don't want to have sex yet, don't engage in foreplay.

And if you're playing games otherwise - playing hard to get - you're a flake to be avoided.


Really? I love putting a woman into a slow burn. One of my better dates lately have involved me playing with her nipples for an hour, then fingering her, then sending her home, followed by phone sex later that night. The beautiful and filthy things that came out of that woman's mouth.....
[Post New]02/07/2017 17:26
quote
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Wait to have sex. You can learn a lot about a man/his sex drive/size of goods during a heavy makeout session without hitting the home run. Date all kinds of men, younger, older, same age...but make them work for it. If you're really desperate, use a vibrator. Men are programmed to work for things that are hard to get.


"Heavy makeout session"? What, are you in high school? A woman who initiates or is into foreplay but doesn't want to actually have sex is a wackjob. She gets avoided from that point in time forward. If you don't want to have sex yet, don't engage in foreplay.

And if you're playing games otherwise - playing hard to get - you're a flake to be avoided.


Really? I love putting a woman into a slow burn. One of my better dates lately have involved me playing with her nipples for an hour, then fingering her, then sending her home, followed by phone sex later that night. The beautiful and filthy things that came out of that woman's mouth.....
w

*gag*
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