Sexless marriage --> sexy marriage ?
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Anonymous
If you want to have sex with your physical therapist, at least switch physical therapists for the physical therapy, then go have sex with the first physical therapist--otherwise they could get into big professional trouble, and you wouldn't want to be the cause of that, would you? |
Anonymous
Sorry but time seems to blow up the "happy" marriages affairs cannot sustain without the truth eventually coming out but good luck to you if it works - I love married men I just don't like their wives they always seem to make the affairs complicated |
Anonymous
I know .. the nerve of the wives to actually expect their husbands to be faithful, and to commit to a simple, noncomplicated life of honoring your vows. |
Anonymous
Like I said, I'm not actually going to do it. I just want to get banged and he's currently the only man touching me, so I can't help feeling that way. I can help acting upon it. |
ZachF
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Fixed that for you. That really is the expectation sometimes with either sex as we've read here so many times. Remain faithful, and allow me to decide for you that your sex life is over. You're right, it's simple. Not workable for many, but simple. |
Anonymous
| husband did not want to touch me after I gave birth. It's been over 2 years. |
Anonymous
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I have a medical condition that makes sex painful (like, in pain for days" painful). I try to show my DH I love him in other ways, but I hate seeing these threads. They always make me feel like DH would be justified in getting fucked elsewhere.
I didn't ask to get sick. |
Anonymous
This is my situation. Years of cancer treatment and various hormonal drugs have left me physically unable to have sex (unless I want to have excruciating pain), and I also have neuropathy. Luckily my DH is in his fifties now, and after 30+ years his sex drive has lessened, but I still feel awful. 
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Anonymous
| I'm sensing here that most of the sexless marriages don't then morph back into a regular sexy marriage. Not often cured? |
Anonymous
I think that's correct. |
Anonymous
My heart goes out to the two of you. As a DH who has struggled with bridging the libido gap with my lower drive DW, let me assure you there is a difference between how a husband feels when his wife can't have sex vs. she won't have sex. If my wife is sick, or we have family visiting, or any other number of obstacles, I miss the sex but I don't feel rejected. Not the same way as when she chooses to bury herself in facebook or any number of other activities that send a message that our sex life comes last on the list. My 2 cents - there are other ways to express intimacy, sure oral is one of them. I think just maintaining the message that you find your husband desirable and want intimacy with him but for the illness. Good luck. |
Anonymous
I think this is a very good point. When sexless marriage comes up there seem to be a number of people (mostly women) who are not able to have sex, and get very defensive about it. I understand feeling upset about it, but that isn't what this is about at all (unless those women are using their conditions to excuse not having sex and not seeking medical help. That's a different thing). This is about choosing to reject your spouse. Nobody is trying to heap guilt on people who can't have sex (unless they choose not to get help). |
Anonymous
I believe that is correct, but it can be done with work. Here's our story: Went sexless for over 2 years. Variety of reasons -- kids, life, distance, resentment, he used too much porn (more resentment), and then I had an emotional affair with a work colleague from overseas. Our marriage was in the tank. He caught on to my EA and we sat down, had it out and began some really hard work of healing. We went to a Retrouvaille weekend retreat. We both acknowledged we had deeply hurt the other. (I felt so incredibly rejected by his porn use, sometimes the same day we had sex. It made me feel ugly and worthless like I wasn't good enough.) So you can see we had a ton of pain and resentment built up = emotional distance = sexless. I didn't need it, didn't really want it, and he didn't need it because he was getting off with his porn vixens. As I said, we finally, at wits end, and with two successful kids in a loving home, laid it out bare on the table. We fix this or we go on our way. We set about fixing it. It has not been easy, or quick. We committed first to reconnecting in other ways -- walks after dinner, holding hands in church, movies, dinners out without the kids, nonsexual cuddle time in bed, etc. We had frank discussions about sex. How he needed it. How I didn't. How I understood it was important to him. How emotional pain had been a barrier to it. Slowly we began to grow closer together. We aren't anywhere near where we should be, or were when we were younger (now 52, married 19 years). Last weekend we went away for two nights without the kids. We had a nice dinner out, and we made love at night and in the morning. Sparks? Honestly,l not really, but it did make us feel closer. Will sparks come back? At age 52, after 20 years and all of this? I don't know. But I want to be married to him. To me, there are a lot more important things than sex. I understand that to him, there aren't a lot more important things than sex, so we are working on it. It is hard. You think it wouldn't be. When you are young, there are hot guys, you get tingles, and you fool around and it's all fun. This seems like so. much. work. now, but this is the marriage we have and recognize it's not the marriage we want. So it's on us to fix it. Fixing the sex is one piece of it. |
Anonymous
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The PP made it sound like there has been just the one night and morning after being away for two weekends? Is that correct, or is that just one example of sex that has returned to the marriage? If so, how often are you having sex now?
I ask because sometimes in these low sex marriage threads, there is advice to take a vacation or get a hotel room and whatnot. Which is fine as far as it goes. But, if you're looking to build a relationship where you're having sex once or twice a week, obviously that many vacations and hotel rooms aren't realistic. |
Anonymous
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No, it was a two-day weekend. We had sex at night, and the next morning. The second night we did not.
Back home, we have begun to schedule sex. For the past 2-3 months, it's been 1x/every 2 weeks, if we can. But I am one of those who hates the idea of our kids hearing us, so that's been another obstacle I need to get over. (Yes, I've seen the other thread about this.) Sex truly has never been great between us -- I almost never come that way. He goes down on me to make me get there, but that doesn't always work either, though he is plenty willing to do it, unlike some men here. He would like 1x/week. Maybe we'll get there. As I said, this healing has been slow, but the alternative is breaking up our family and to me sex isn't anywhere worth that cost. |