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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I have a medical condition that makes sex painful (like, in pain for days" painful). I try to show my DH I love him in other ways, but I hate seeing these threads. They always make me feel like DH would be justified in getting fucked elsewhere.

I didn't ask to get sick. [/quote]

This is my situation.  Years of cancer treatment and various hormonal drugs have left me physically unable to have sex (unless I want to have excruciating pain), and I also have neuropathy.  Luckily my DH is in his fifties now, and after 30+ years his sex drive has lessened, but I still feel awful.  :([/quote]

My heart goes out to the two of you.

As a DH who has struggled with bridging the libido gap with my lower drive DW, let me assure you there is a difference between how a husband feels when his wife can't have sex vs. she won't have sex.  If my wife is sick, or we have family visiting, or any other number of obstacles, I miss the sex but I don't feel rejected.  Not the same way as when she chooses to bury herself in facebook or any number of other activities that send a message that our sex life comes last on the list.

My 2 cents - there are other ways to express intimacy, sure oral is one of them.  I think just maintaining the message that you find your husband desirable and want intimacy with him but for the illness.

Good luck.[/quote]

I think this is a very good point. When sexless marriage comes up there seem to be a number of people (mostly women) who are not able to have sex, and get very defensive about it.  I understand feeling upset about it, but that isn't what this is about at all (unless those women are using their conditions to excuse not having sex and not seeking medical help. That's a different thing). This is about choosing to reject your spouse. Nobody is trying to heap guilt on people who can't have sex (unless they choose not to get help).

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