For the first time in my life I hate summer.
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Anonymous
OP here. Thank you for the kind responses. How do you chart a good course to college? Are all of your summer activities college focused? Starting at what age? (DH and I went part time and finished, but not the conventional way.) I know this sounds basic to most of you, so I really appreciate the helpful responses. I don't know how to guide my children, frankly. DH's and my parents are deceased, so we have no guidance. (I know many people here have their parents pay for private school and activities, but that is not where I am going with this. I really just want to know about summer and how we can best help our children, since our house is chaos right now.) |
Anonymous
OP, do I have this right? You want them to go to camps or other enriching activities, but DH is at home asleep, so even if they are signed up, he just doesn't take them? So they do nothing all day at home? How is the house chaos? Can you do drop off and DH do pick up? Or does your schedule not allow? |
Anonymous
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Op. Do you stay home? If you work then what are your kids doing? They can't be home alone until 12 and even then that's not a good idea.
For summer, in January lay out what the school calendar is, last day and first day. See if you will go on vacation for any of hat time. The rest needs to be filled with something. Look up county camps, special camps like robotics, computer etc. then see how many weeks you have and decide on how much you can afford for camp and go from there. Take into account your kids interests. Not everything has to be academic but some things do. You can also have your kids read from the school reading list and do little presentations to you about the books etc. if they are staying home a week or two with you then they have to do something productive. Like a project or a book etc. our library has 3D printing for example. Kids can research a design and have it made and learn how that works. Or you go to a local park and get all the leaves to different plants and look up the plants and see if they are native and see what you can learn about them and what animals eat them etc. there are nature centers with lectures and exhibits. Or you pick a museum and go there during the week and focus on one thing and learn in depth about that. |
Anonymous
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It's simple. My kids of course want to sit home all summer and play video games. We have an AuPair, so they certainly COULD do that. I give them a few half day camp options that they must try. So far they went to tennis camp under protest and ended up loving to play.
Be the parent. |
Anonymous
| Cut off screen time until after they come home from camp every day. |
Anonymous
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OP here. Thanks for your responses. I am off today, so I am able to reply. DH and I work different shifts (I think I mentioned it upthread). We both work, but at different times. We are able to drive to and from the activities, as we (DH and I) are on different schedules, so the driving works for us. We are very self sufficient in a logistical fashion, as we have no family (I think I also mentioned this upthread). We just don't have a lot of resources with regard to certain intangible things, like this.
Other PP, thanks for laying it out for us. I like your ideas. I am open to further suggestions, too. Some things (like where to begin with highly resistant preteens, combined with a demanding, non traditional schedule, and other factors) are hard to "look up". |
Anonymous
| I feel you OP. I have a resistant preteen. Although he is extremely extroverted. He is always doing play dates and loves any camp, however he is a putz about doing the dishes or helping out with younger siblings (sometimes). I can imagine your situation. What about a camp (karate or skating) where they come pick up your kids? |
Anonymous
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OP, I think I get it now. You just haven't had the exposure to these sorts of parenting issues that so many of us take for granted. Here's some thoughts I hope are helpful. I've raised three kids to early adulthood, for what that's worth.
You might assume everyone has parenting all figured out or that there's a "best" way to do things as a parent. You would be wrong. Some parents believe in scheduling kids every week of the summer for camps, programs while others prefer to use summer as unstructured downtime. Some parents go crazy having their kids home all summer with no set plans, whereas other parents look forward to the lack of schedule and figure kids need to be bored for a while to figure out things to do on their own. Probably the most popular approach (unless parents work full time and need constant supervised care) is some of each. The kids do some weeks of camp, or maybe they do programs part of the day, and the remainder is filled with hanging out, trips to museums or parks with you, or vacations as a family. It sounds like having more structure would be good for you and your kids. Sit down with a calendar and make a plan everyone can live with. If you do this you will feel more in control, and your kids will have a clearer sense of expectations. Don't let your kids sleep in every day or play video or computer games to the exclusion of everything else. Plan a trip to the zoo, take them to the beach for the day, even just go to a park for a couple of hours and have a picnic lunch. Find places where you can drop in and do art projects, or find half-day sports camps that still have openings. Most of all, don't judge yourself and think you're not doing it right. Having kids home during the summer is hard for lots of us. There's a reason Staples ran that ad for years where the parent jubilantly shops for back-to-school supplies to the tune "It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year." Just do your best. There's always next summer to plan something earlier. For now, just do your best. |
Anonymous
What are you children interested in? We give our two kids two camps per summer (I stay at home, so not need to pay for more). We let them choose what they want. So far previous camps have included: drama, art, cooking, steam, programming, robotics, gymnastics, basketball etc. Whatever they are interested in at the moment so I don't have to drag them, but they go willingly. |
Anonymous
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OP I only have a 4yo but we also work opp schedules for childcare reasons. DW works the 3-11 shift right now and I work 12 hour days so I can more days off.
I think you need to tell the kids that theres no screen time if they dont do anything constructive throughout the day. Have a chore Jar or something that they can pick from if they say theyre bored. |
Anonymous
PP you were responding to. What I mean is that most successful situations in life need extensive, long-term preparation, whether you are aware of preparing or not. So if you are interested in very popular camps, these fill up quickly in January (the month most summer camps open up their spots). This means winter is the season when working parents try to nail down their children's summer schedule, which in turn means the children, if consulted as they should be, will need to think ahead and then agree to go through with whatever activity they had chosen back in Jan/Feb. If your children have never had that kind of discipline of making long-term plans and following through, then of course they're baulking now, which means you'll have to teach them this skill (better late than never). Likewise, if you are interested in getting your child into a good college in these ultra-competitive times, you have to discuss careers, and their academic trajectories to get there, well before junior year when they apply for college. Why? Because they will need a strategy to get where they want to go: starting in middle school, the courses they choose build on each other. Ex: if one of your kids wants to be a physicist, she will need to take the most advanced math courses her high school can offer, which means she will need to start the fast track in middle school. If your other kid wants to be a fashion designer, he will need to take all the art electives and build a private portfolio and win some fashion design competitions on the side. This is what I mean by charting a course. High school summer activities prove to college selection committees what students really want to do in their spare time, which is why it's best to make it dovetail with the subjects they want to pursue in college. Elementary school is for fun and experimenting with all kinds of cool camps and outings. Middle school is the time to iron out any academic issues and to start thinking about the bigger picture, while still having fun. High school, there's pretty much no leeway - everything is college-focused. |
doodlebug
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| If it's too late for camps, then have a list of things they need to do during the day. Take away all electronics until you get home and the list is completely satisfactorily. The list might include things like cleaning their room including the closet and under the bed, gathering clothes, shoes and toys they no longer use, loading and unloading the dishwasher, defrosting the freezer, taking out the garbage, reading X number of pages in a library book, doing X number of pages in workbooks for math, spelling, grammar etc. Have a reward of some kind at the end of a certain period of time...every third week they get a full day of down time, or a trip to a certain museum or amusement park you all want to visit, the family goes to a movie ... whatever you can afford and is motivating to them. But don't cave and get your husband in on it too. Your house should be C.L.E.A.N. if they're home all day. Every time one of them says I'm bored they lose an hour of screen time or have to put a quarter in a jar or whatever. No screen time until everything on the list is done everyday. No exception. |
Anonymous
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I may be wrong, but I thought most camps/registration were filled during the winter. I know the ones that I send my kids to are completely filled by now.
I have tweens as well. Usually during late winter when camp registration starts, moms and kids will start talking about what camps to attend to make sure that they are together. If my dd was not not going to be in a camp with a friend or two, she would be reluctant to go until she made friends. |
Anonymous
That list of house chores/projects you have in your head? Write it down and post it. No camp? Cool. Then, hit this list. NOW!!! Watch them sign up for days of fun. There's also the summer book list or online course option. This way, even if they don't sign up, you win. |
Anonymous
Seriously. Your kids don't sound "difficult" they sound like spoiled, entitled brats. They're kids, and you're the adult. Tell them what to do. |