For the first time in my life I hate summer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I may be wrong, but I thought most camps/registration were filled during the winter. I know the ones that I send my kids to are completely filled by now.

I have tweens as well. Usually during late winter when camp registration starts, moms and kids will start talking about what camps to attend to make sure that they are together. If my dd was not not going to be in a camp with a friend or two, she would be reluctant to go until she made friends.

OP here. I think this is a part of the problem. It is really hard to coordinate with friends, especially since most of them are away.

[Anonymous]

If they are genuinely not enthused, then do not force them.

Let them sit around the house all summer bored to tears.

That will show them.

[Anonymous]

If your kids are pre-teen's I read that as 11-12 years old. They are certainly able to talk to their friends and see what classes they are interested in taking. At this point since we're into July you take what you can get. You can try calling the classes their friends are taking and see if anyone cancelled, a long shot but you never know.

Now if you SAH then don't send them anywhere. Yes, it may be a long summer for you but lessons learned all around!

[Anonymous]

There are plenty of day camps with availability - especially the ones that do one week registration at a time. Do you live near a community or public pool? What are their interests? That should guide you in finding activities. I can not take a lot of unstructured kid time filled with video games or sitting around. A few days to a week of that at the beginning and end of the summer is plenty, so I feel your pain.

[Anonymous]

Huh. And here I thought it was good for kids to have unstructured time. Put limits on their screen time, so they have to figure out new, creative ways to entertain themselves. Let them experience boredom and aimlessness and let their minds wander. When they say they're bored, give them extra chores. Let them figure out new things they want to learn and experience. Unless you're working 24/7, surely you and the husband can find time to go places and do things with them?

[Anonymous]

OP, it sounds like there are a lot of challenges you're dealing with, but one that no one here has addressed (at least I don't think I saw anyone address it) is the problem of dealing with challenging kids who refuse to do anything. I have one of those. She has ADHD and is impossible to motivate to do anything other than stare at a screen. She is in camp every day b/c DH and I are working full time but if she wasn't, I would be in the same boat as you. Know that some of us here can empathize very clearly with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, it sounds like there are a lot of challenges you're dealing with, but one that no one here has addressed (at least I don't think I saw anyone address it) is the problem of dealing with challenging kids who refuse to do anything. I have one of those. She has ADHD and is impossible to motivate to do anything other than stare at a screen. She is in camp every day b/c DH and I are working full time but if she wasn't, I would be in the same boat as you. Know that some of us here can empathize very clearly with you.

Me too.

[Anonymous]

OP I grew to dislike summer as well. But January is the time to start -- "planuary" And there are drawbacks -- it is expensive to do the things you want for your kids, whether it is camp, lessons, classes, even visiting a relative far away. Its key to get a friend to do it with -- many tweens feel they just cannot DO ANYTHING without a friend there also. That takes planning and diplomacy (other parents). You will really be scrambling for camps and things like that at this late date. My kids never did get into spending the day at the local pool, so that was out for us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I may be wrong, but I thought most camps/registration were filled during the winter. I know the ones that I send my kids to are completely filled by now.

I have tweens as well. Usually during late winter when camp registration starts, moms and kids will start talking about what camps to attend to make sure that they are together. If my dd was not not going to be in a camp with a friend or two, she would be reluctant to go until she made friends.

OP here. I think this is a part of the problem. It is really hard to coordinate with friends, especially since most of them are away.

OP It is natural for kids to say "no" to an activity. Like lets go to the pool. No. Lets ride our bikes. No. Lets make a cake, No. That is why many parents plan far in advance. "This is the week you are doing soccer camp so where are your shoes?" Its implied that soccer camp is going to happen. Of course you need to choose something they like, tho.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Huh. And here I thought it was good for kids to have unstructured time. Put limits on their screen time, so they have to figure out new, creative ways to entertain themselves. Let them experience boredom and aimlessness and let their minds wander. When they say they're bored, give them extra chores. Let them figure out new things they want to learn and experience. Unless you're working 24/7, surely you and the husband can find time to go places and do things with them?

I think it's great to have unstructured time and to have it lead to creativity etc. But I bet it's no fun if they are milling around the house bugging you or asking for screen time constantly. Even for unstructured time there still has to be a plan. Even as simple as: "breakfast is at 8, lunch at 12 and dinner at 6. Here are the books/games we have you can play before lunch. This is the park/pool we can go to until lunch. If you bother me between lunch and dinner for screen time j will give you a list of cleaning chores to do." That gives them a simple structure to their day but they have to fill it and have plenty of time to get bored and figure it out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Huh. And here I thought it was good for kids to have unstructured time. Put limits on their screen time, so they have to figure out new, creative ways to entertain themselves. Let them experience boredom and aimlessness and let their minds wander. When they say they're bored, give them extra chores. Let them figure out new things they want to learn and experience. Unless you're working 24/7, surely you and the husband can find time to go places and do things with them?

I think it's great to have unstructured time and to have it lead to creativity etc. But I bet it's no fun if they are milling around the house bugging you or asking for screen time constantly. Even for unstructured time there still has to be a plan. Even as simple as: "breakfast is at 8, lunch at 12 and dinner at 6. Here are the books/games we have you can play before lunch. This is the park/pool we can go to until lunch. If you bother me between lunch and dinner for screen time j will give you a list of cleaning chores to do." That gives them a simple structure to their day but they have to fill it and have plenty of time to get bored and figure it out.

Kids can go to camp AND have unstructured time. My kids go to camp for half the summer. They love it and find it fun. It's about finding a camp that is the right fit for your kids. Then they get home by 3:30 and have the rest of the afternoon/evening to be unstructured. During the school year they have activities and homework after school. During the summer they just hang out. Between the half of summer they are out of camp, weekends, and afternoons, they get their "unstructured" time, but they still get to go to at least a month of camp. We would all go crazy just hanging out all summer!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
These things have to be decided well in advance - it's like registering for courses in middle and high school and charting a course to a good college (which I hope you're doing).

Before school ended, you should have discussed this as a family, and thrashed out a compromise: the part in the Venn diagram where their interests, your money and your logistics coincide.

They are not allowed to do nothing.
They have to do something constructive, either structured by others (camps and classes) or themselves (in that case they have to agree to being checked every now and then by you).
They also have to keep up their academic skills, so as to start the new school year without a hitch.

OP here. Thank you for the kind responses. How do you chart a good course to college? Are all of your summer activities college focused? Starting at what age? (DH and I went part time and finished, but not the conventional way.) I know this sounds basic to most of you, so I really appreciate the helpful responses. I don't know how to guide my children, frankly. DH's and my parents are deceased, so we have no guidance. (I know many people here have their parents pay for private school and activities, but that is not where I am going with this. I really just want to know about summer and how we can best help our children, since our house is chaos right now.)

PP you were responding to. What I mean is that most successful situations in life need extensive, long-term preparation, whether you are aware of preparing or not.
So if you are interested in very popular camps, these fill up quickly in January (the month most summer camps open up their spots). This means winter is the season when working parents try to nail down their children's summer schedule, which in turn means the children, if consulted as they should be, will need to think ahead and then agree to go through with whatever activity they had chosen back in Jan/Feb. If your children have never had that kind of discipline of making long-term plans and following through, then of course they're baulking now, which means you'll have to teach them this skill (better late than never).
Likewise, if you are interested in getting your child into a good college in these ultra-competitive times, you have to discuss careers, and their academic trajectories to get there, well before junior year when they apply for college. Why? Because they will need a strategy to get where they want to go: starting in middle school, the courses they choose build on each other. Ex: if one of your kids wants to be a physicist, she will need to take the most advanced math courses her high school can offer, which means she will need to start the fast track in middle school. If your other kid wants to be a fashion designer, he will need to take all the art electives and build a private portfolio and win some fashion design competitions on the side. This is what I mean by charting a course. High school summer activities prove to college selection committees what students really want to do in their spare time, which is why it's best to make it dovetail with the subjects they want to pursue in college. Elementary school is for fun and experimenting with all kinds of cool camps and outings. Middle school is the time to iron out any academic issues and to start thinking about the bigger picture, while still having fun. High school, there's pretty much no leeway - everything is college-focused.

Ugh I would not like to hang out with you. Way too intense. I really reject this approach.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
These things have to be decided well in advance - it's like registering for courses in middle and high school and charting a course to a good college (which I hope you're doing).

Before school ended, you should have discussed this as a family, and thrashed out a compromise: the part in the Venn diagram where their interests, your money and your logistics coincide.

They are not allowed to do nothing.
They have to do something constructive, either structured by others (camps and classes) or themselves (in that case they have to agree to being checked every now and then by you).
They also have to keep up their academic skills, so as to start the new school year without a hitch.

OP here. Thank you for the kind responses. How do you chart a good course to college? Are all of your summer activities college focused? Starting at what age? (DH and I went part time and finished, but not the conventional way.) I know this sounds basic to most of you, so I really appreciate the helpful responses. I don't know how to guide my children, frankly. DH's and my parents are deceased, so we have no guidance. (I know many people here have their parents pay for private school and activities, but that is not where I am going with this. I really just want to know about summer and how we can best help our children, since our house is chaos right now.)

PP you were responding to. What I mean is that most successful situations in life need extensive, long-term preparation, whether you are aware of preparing or not.
So if you are interested in very popular camps, these fill up quickly in January (the month most summer camps open up their spots). This means winter is the season when working parents try to nail down their children's summer schedule, which in turn means the children, if consulted as they should be, will need to think ahead and then agree to go through with whatever activity they had chosen back in Jan/Feb. If your children have never had that kind of discipline of making long-term plans and following through, then of course they're baulking now, which means you'll have to teach them this skill (better late than never).
Likewise, if you are interested in getting your child into a good college in these ultra-competitive times, you have to discuss careers, and their academic trajectories to get there, well before junior year when they apply for college. Why? Because they will need a strategy to get where they want to go: starting in middle school, the courses they choose build on each other. Ex: if one of your kids wants to be a physicist, she will need to take the most advanced math courses her high school can offer, which means she will need to start the fast track in middle school. If your other kid wants to be a fashion designer, he will need to take all the art electives and build a private portfolio and win some fashion design competitions on the side. This is what I mean by charting a course. High school summer activities prove to college selection committees what students really want to do in their spare time, which is why it's best to make it dovetail with the subjects they want to pursue in college. Elementary school is for fun and experimenting with all kinds of cool camps and outings. Middle school is the time to iron out any academic issues and to start thinking about the bigger picture, while still having fun. High school, there's pretty much no leeway - everything is college-focused.

Ugh I would not like to hang out with you. Way too intense. I really reject this approach.

That's fine, PP, no hard feelings

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
These things have to be decided well in advance - it's like registering for courses in middle and high school and charting a course to a good college (which I hope you're doing).

Before school ended, you should have discussed this as a family, and thrashed out a compromise: the part in the Venn diagram where their interests, your money and your logistics coincide.

They are not allowed to do nothing.
They have to do something constructive, either structured by others (camps and classes) or themselves (in that case they have to agree to being checked every now and then by you).
They also have to keep up their academic skills, so as to start the new school year without a hitch.

OP here. Thank you for the kind responses. How do you chart a good course to college? Are all of your summer activities college focused? Starting at what age? (DH and I went part time and finished, but not the conventional way.) I know this sounds basic to most of you, so I really appreciate the helpful responses. I don't know how to guide my children, frankly. DH's and my parents are deceased, so we have no guidance. (I know many people here have their parents pay for private school and activities, but that is not where I am going with this. I really just want to know about summer and how we can best help our children, since our house is chaos right now.)

PP you were responding to. What I mean is that most successful situations in life need extensive, long-term preparation, whether you are aware of preparing or not.
So if you are interested in very popular camps, these fill up quickly in January (the month most summer camps open up their spots). This means winter is the season when working parents try to nail down their children's summer schedule, which in turn means the children, if consulted as they should be, will need to think ahead and then agree to go through with whatever activity they had chosen back in Jan/Feb. If your children have never had that kind of discipline of making long-term plans and following through, then of course they're baulking now, which means you'll have to teach them this skill (better late than never).
Likewise, if you are interested in getting your child into a good college in these ultra-competitive times, you have to discuss careers, and their academic trajectories to get there, well before junior year when they apply for college. Why? Because they will need a strategy to get where they want to go: starting in middle school, the courses they choose build on each other. Ex: if one of your kids wants to be a physicist, she will need to take the most advanced math courses her high school can offer, which means she will need to start the fast track in middle school. If your other kid wants to be a fashion designer, he will need to take all the art electives and build a private portfolio and win some fashion design competitions on the side. This is what I mean by charting a course. High school summer activities prove to college selection committees what students really want to do in their spare time, which is why it's best to make it dovetail with the subjects they want to pursue in college. Elementary school is for fun and experimenting with all kinds of cool camps and outings. Middle school is the time to iron out any academic issues and to start thinking about the bigger picture, while still having fun. High school, there's pretty much no leeway - everything is college-focused.

NP. I'm sorry, but I respectfully disagree with this last bolded part. Many parents (and college admissions committees) feel it's not necessary to spend every waking hour of your high school summer building up the resume for college applications. I've had three kids graduate high school so far and each one is at a top ten university. They each spent summers life guarding, working retail, waiting tables, or simply volunteering - not trying to pad their resumes with activities that "dovetailed" with their future majors. Instead, they worked hard during the school year to make good grades, and used their leisure time during the summer months to make a little money and basically recharge for the coming school year - relaxing and doing things they enjoy, just for fun. While I realize some kids are very driven and feel they must cram every moment with "meaningful" activities, adcoms can see right through the carefully crafted schedules and activities. It's been our experience that they prefer to see kids who don't take themselves too seriously and who know how to balance their academic load during the school year with some time off and relaxation during the summers.

[Anonymous]

doodlebug wrote:If it's too late for camps, then have a list of things they need to do during the day. Take away all electronics until you get home and the list is completely satisfactorily. The list might include things like cleaning their room including the closet and under the bed, gathering clothes, shoes and toys they no longer use, loading and unloading the dishwasher, defrosting the freezer, taking out the garbage, reading X number of pages in a library book, doing X number of pages in workbooks for math, spelling, grammar etc. Have a reward of some kind at the end of a certain period of time...every third week they get a full day of down time, or a trip to a certain museum or amusement park you all want to visit, the family goes to a movie ... whatever you can afford and is motivating to them. But don't cave and get your husband in on it too. Your house should be C.L.E.A.N. if they're home all day. Every time one of them says I'm bored they lose an hour of screen time or have to put a quarter in a jar or whatever. No screen time until everything on the list is done everyday. No exception.

OMG. I'm so glad I was allowed to just BE during the summers when I was growing up. Moderate chores? Sure. But the rest sounds utterly awful.