Don't think she wants to sleep with me

post reply Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)
[Post New]06/27/2016 15:16
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Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:So I have a dilemma. Been dating this woman for 6-7 months, she was in previous marriage and didn't work out but is now going on 2.5yrs from it ending. She has a child from previous marriage. No sex, sleep in other home/house/room when visiting. Met on line. I like her and see this as potential relationship that might lead to marriage. My sister just told me that if she hasn't slept with me by now she is either 1) not interested in sex with me but interested in my income so continues the relationship 2) using sex as a bait to keep me around 3)Just plain not interested and using me till something better comes around. Should I continue this?


1. You should move on. 2. Meet someone new. 3. Don't discuss your sex life with your sister. 4. Never tell a potential mate you discussed your sex life with your sister.


yeah... not cool op.
[Post New]06/27/2016 15:22
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Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:If you like her, talk to her about it first before just bailing.

This. At least give her an opportunity to explain why no sex. She may have a valid reason. While it is unusual to not have sex in 6 months it is not unheard of. Maybe she was really burned before
[Post New]06/27/2016 15:24
quote
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:So I have a dilemma. Been dating this woman for 6-7 months, she was in previous marriage and didn't work out but is now going on 2.5yrs from it ending. She has a child from previous marriage. No sex, sleep in other home/house/room when visiting. Met on line. I like her and see this as potential relationship that might lead to marriage. My sister just told me that if she hasn't slept with me by now she is either 1) not interested in sex with me but interested in my income so continues the relationship 2) using sex as a bait to keep me around 3)Just plain not interested and using me till something better comes around. Should I continue this?


1. You should move on. 2. Meet someone new. 3. Don't discuss your sex life with your sister. 4. Never tell a potential mate you discussed your sex life with your sister.


I didn't talk about my sex life with my sister, just ask general question then, like a sister that knows her brother, put two and two together and then rendered advice.
[Post New]06/27/2016 15:38
quote
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:So I have a dilemma. Been dating this woman for 6-7 months, she was in previous marriage and didn't work out but is now going on 2.5yrs from it ending. She has a child from previous marriage. No sex, sleep in other home/house/room when visiting. Met on line. I like her and see this as potential relationship that might lead to marriage. My sister just told me that if she hasn't slept with me by now she is either 1) not interested in sex with me but interested in my income so continues the relationship 2) using sex as a bait to keep me around 3)Just plain not interested and using me till something better comes around. Should I continue this?


If she isn't putting out for you by the third date, she is wasting your time. Have some dignity and some self-respect.


I love sex and I'm even married - but putting out by the third date is gross.
You don't even know the person.

And OP if you are just having this level of relationship you should have talked about it first (unless you guys are 70 years old?) and you should be dating other people at the same time too.
[Post New]06/27/2016 17:21
quote
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:So I have a dilemma. Been dating this woman for 6-7 months, she was in previous marriage and didn't work out but is now going on 2.5yrs from it ending. She has a child from previous marriage. No sex, sleep in other home/house/room when visiting. Met on line. I like her and see this as potential relationship that might lead to marriage. My sister just told me that if she hasn't slept with me by now she is either 1) not interested in sex with me but interested in my income so continues the relationship 2) using sex as a bait to keep me around 3)Just plain not interested and using me till something better comes around. Should I continue this?


If she isn't putting out for you by the third date, she is wasting your time. Have some dignity and some self-respect.


I love sex and I'm even married - but putting out by the third date is gross.
You don't even know the person.

And OP if you are just having this level of relationship you should have talked about it first (unless you guys are 70 years old?) and you should be dating other people at the same time too.


I agree. I've NEVER put out by the 3rd date. I'm not a prude. I just need more of a relationship before putting out.
[Post New]06/27/2016 17:24
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Anonymous
I find it hard to believe that you've been dating for so long and haven't had a 'sex' talk. Why not? I tend to agree with your sister and would add to her lists of reasons that this woman has a lot of baggage that you don't want to be burdened with. If YOU didn't initiate a conversation about sex expectations, she should have. Really poor communication on both your parts that doesn't bode well for a future together.
[Post New]06/27/2016 18:25
quote
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:So I have a dilemma. Been dating this woman for 6-7 months, she was in previous marriage and didn't work out but is now going on 2.5yrs from it ending. She has a child from previous marriage. No sex, sleep in other home/house/room when visiting. Met on line. I like her and see this as potential relationship that might lead to marriage. My sister just told me that if she hasn't slept with me by now she is either 1) not interested in sex with me but interested in my income so continues the relationship 2) using sex as a bait to keep me around 3)Just plain not interested and using me till something better comes around. Should I continue this?


OP--are you still buying this women free dinners?

Get a clue.
[Post New]06/27/2016 18:52
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Anonymous
I think she got very hurt in a prior relationship. Don't listen to a bunch of assholes online. You should talk to her.


[Post New]06/27/2016 19:34
quote
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:So I have a dilemma. Been dating this woman for 6-7 months, she was in previous marriage and didn't work out but is now going on 2.5yrs from it ending. She has a child from previous marriage. No sex, sleep in other home/house/room when visiting. Met on line. I like her and see this as potential relationship that might lead to marriage. My sister just told me that if she hasn't slept with me by now she is either 1) not interested in sex with me but interested in my income so continues the relationship 2) using sex as a bait to keep me around 3)Just plain not interested and using me till something better comes around. Should I continue this?



If you see this relationship as serious enough that you think you could marry her, then you should be able to talk to her about sex and why you aren't having it.

Also, if you're thinking about marriage you need to learn now to tell your sister to butt out. Learn to put boundaries in place with her now. Even if things don't work out with this woman, you better believe your sister will be trouble for you in your marriage with any woman if you don't learn how to tell her to myob.
[Post New]06/27/2016 19:59
quote
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:I think she got very hurt in a prior relationship. Don't listen to a bunch of assholes online. You should talk to her.





This. OP/ Do you know anything about her ex? Was he abusive?

It's still something you need to talk about, but there could be other reasons besides what your sister says.
[Post New]06/27/2016 20:04
quote
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:If you like her, talk to her about it first before just bailing.

This. At least give her an opportunity to explain why no sex. She may have a valid reason. While it is unusual to not have sex in 6 months it is not unheard of. Maybe she was really burned before


It doesn't matter if her reason for not wanting to have sex with OP is logical or illogical. Fact is she hasn't wanted to have sex with him. She's not going to logic herself into wanting to have sex with him down the road. And certainly not after 10 years of marriage and two kids.
[Post New]06/27/2016 20:15
quote
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:If you like her, talk to her about it first before just bailing.

This. At least give her an opportunity to explain why no sex. She may have a valid reason. While it is unusual to not have sex in 6 months it is not unheard of. Maybe she was really burned before


It doesn't matter if her reason for not wanting to have sex with OP is logical or illogical. Fact is she hasn't wanted to have sex with him. She's not going to logic herself into wanting to have sex with him down the road. And certainly not after 10 years of marriage and two kids.



This is categorically false.

Maybe part of the reason your wife doesn't sleep with you is your boorish attitude.
[Post New]06/27/2016 23:46
quote
Anonymous
she may have a valid reason, but if she hasn't disclosed it to you by now, I would move on. I just think is suggests someone who doesn't have a very strong drive or interest in sex as an integral part of an adult relationship. I disagree with the 3 date rule but I think by 6 months its pretty telling. And the only times I basically didnt sleep with someone by 2 months in--once I was in my late 20s--was when I really wasn't that attracted or into the guy. Anyone I was really attracted to I had to restrain myself.
[Post New]06/28/2016 01:36
quote
Anonymous
I think 1 and 3 sound pretty much on point OP.

(By the way, is it normal to discuss sex w/a sibling of the opposite gender??)

It is quite unusual to not sleep w/you after 6-7 months of dating.

Can you discuss this issue w/her instead of your sister?
By now, you should be comfortable talking about your needs + concerns together.

Good luck.
[Post New]06/28/2016 02:13
quote
ZachF
Member Offline
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:If you like sex, just walk away from this woman. Your sister is probably right, knowing the situation better than we do. Walk away. Guys, if you're dating a woman and she's not excited about sex with you at this point, this is a red flag that if you marry her you'll being joining the sexless marriage club.


+100 see this discussion http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/563311.page your about to join it so you mind as well start responding on it now. I am a girl. If I meet a guy and I at least don't think about what it might be like to sleep with him on the 1st date. I won't have a second date. What does this girl need a "baby daddy". I think you are being strung a long for what ever reason. Don't believe the myth that women don't like sex. Like it just as much as men just don't need to announce it at every turn like men. If you are not 5'6" and 350lbs and have some other major turn off then move on to the next one.


This ^ and your sister called it. This is 2016. Sex by third date is common if both are willing. Unless you are fine with a sexless relationship, you need to let this one go. Stopping making her excuses for her about her relationship baggage. It's not going away. Consider yourself lucky. You get to see your future. So many people here are in sexless marriages (or nearly so) and never saw it coming.
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