Don't think she wants to sleep with me

[Anonymous]

The biggest problem is that whatever her reason is, she hasn't talked to you about it -- even after dating you for six months (and having you sleep over).

If she's had you sleep over, then obviously she trusts you on some level. For her to not have at least discussed why there's no intimacy means that either she's not that into you or she's not ready to deal with whatever she's grappling with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The biggest problem is that whatever her reason is, she hasn't talked to you about it -- even after dating you for six months (and having you sleep over).

If she's had you sleep over, then obviously she trusts you on some level. For her to not have at least discussed why there's no intimacy means that either she's not that into you or she's not ready to deal with whatever she's grappling with.

OP here, sleep over consist of me being in another room or even another house. Not like we are cuddling all night or something. I am pretty clear on what needs to be done now. Cut my losses and move on and don't look back on lost time. She seemed to have potential and other things about her really meshed with me, but I see that if this is a problem now it, it will be a problem in the future. Feel like a fool, driving long distances, putting up with family and friends that were terribly nice and then being held at arms length.

[Anonymous]

Maybe she believes in marriage before sex. Why don't you ask her???

[Anonymous]

I think you need to talk with her before you "cut your losses". I know a lot of us said if she has not yet slept with you she will never sleep with you. However we are all basing our conclusions based on ourselves. You really need to talk to her before you come to any conclusions about her. We are just giving you examples of what might be going on while she can tell you what is actually going on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Feel like a fool, driving long distances, putting up with family and friends that were terribly nice and then being held at arms length.

I'm in the camp that says move on, find someone else and I've posted about that before, but I do not think you are a fool, and I don't think you should be down on yourself like that. You're attracted, she seems nice, a lot of stuff meshed: you'd be a fool not to give it a good try...that's what dating is all about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: I think you need to talk with her before you "cut your losses". I know a lot of us said if she has not yet slept with you she will never sleep with you. However we are all basing our conclusions based on ourselves. You really need to talk to her before you come to any conclusions about her. We are just giving you examples of what might be going on while she can tell you what is actually going on.

OP here, I left this out..there has been tons of discussion about it. All I get it "not ready yet", "soon","maybe", "be patient". Still distraught about previous marriage

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The biggest problem is that whatever her reason is, she hasn't talked to you about it -- even after dating you for six months (and having you sleep over).

If she's had you sleep over, then obviously she trusts you on some level. For her to not have at least discussed why there's no intimacy means that either she's not that into you or she's not ready to deal with whatever she's grappling with.

OP here, sleep over consist of me being in another room or even another house. Not like we are cuddling all night or something. I am pretty clear on what needs to be done now. Cut my losses and move on and don't look back on lost time. She seemed to have potential and other things about her really meshed with me, but I see that if this is a problem now it, it will be a problem in the future. Feel like a fool, driving long distances, putting up with family and friends that were terribly nice and then being held at arms length.

Don't feel like a fool. It's actually reasonable to give a relationship some time to see if it takes off. That's the gamble.

But especially given your last couple of posts (that you have discussed it with her and she just says "be patient, blah, blah, blah"), I'm convinced she only likes you as a friend. That doesn't mean that she doesn't care about you or enjoy your company and like you as a person. Maybe you suggest to her that the two of you remain friends. But I don't think she's into you on a physical level. If any, at this point, you feel "safe."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: I think you need to talk with her before you "cut your losses". I know a lot of us said if she has not yet slept with you she will never sleep with you. However we are all basing our conclusions based on ourselves. You really need to talk to her before you come to any conclusions about her. We are just giving you examples of what might be going on while she can tell you what is actually going on.

OP here, I left this out..there has been tons of discussion about it. All I get it "not ready yet", "soon","maybe", "be patient". Still distraught about previous marriage

Ok then, I think you owe her the truth when you break up with her. You want a complete adult relationship with all the intimacy and closeness that implies. Including sex. Clearly she is not ready for that adult relationship. If she changes her mind in 6 months or a year, you hope she'll give you a call. But for now you need to move on to find a complete, adult relationship that fulfills all of your needs, too.

[Anonymous]

Why don't you talk about it with her first? I have a friend who is in a relationship with a guy she really likes but is avoiding the talk about being celibate because she's worried of the reaction. I would have a frank discussion and then cut bait if it doesn't add up or work for you.

[Anonymous]

Maybe she has some kind of body issue?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The biggest problem is that whatever her reason is, she hasn't talked to you about it -- even after dating you for six months (and having you sleep over).

If she's had you sleep over, then obviously she trusts you on some level. For her to not have at least discussed why there's no intimacy means that either she's not that into you or she's not ready to deal with whatever she's grappling with.

OP here, sleep over consist of me being in another room or even another house. Not like we are cuddling all night or something. I am pretty clear on what needs to be done now. Cut my losses and move on and don't look back on lost time. She seemed to have potential and other things about her really meshed with me, but I see that if this is a problem now it, it will be a problem in the future. Feel like a fool, driving long distances, putting up with family and friends that were terribly nice and then being held at arms length.

Please talk to her about all this first.

[Anonymous]

I completely agree with the bolded part - and I'm happily married for over 20 years and still love having sex with my DH. The passion in those first months was just sizzling. I'm actually glad it died down a bit because it was so consuming!


You can bet he's not glad it died down.

LOL. NP. This is the same for my husband and I. We have been married for 15 years and still going strong. my husband is glad that it tapered down as we were actually chafing because we had so much sex. I was walking like a cowboy and I think he was raw. And that is actually the truth, we used to laugh about it.

I'm the PP first PP here. Like the immediate PP, my DH is glad it died down as well because he, too, had chafing on his penis and I, too, was walking like a cowboy! As it is, we still have a robust sex life. No one has any sexual frustration on our relationship!

[Anonymous]

I find it strange that people think that the sex should have happened by the third date. If this is a relationship that has a potential to turn serious, then the woman is doing right by waiting until this man is properly vetted. Specially since she has a child. The OP sounds idiotic by discussing this with his sister.

It could also be that he is a troll.

[Anonymous]

Wouldn't expect sex on the third date, but after 6 months, something is wrong. Even if her reasons are understandable - it doesn't mean that it's a relationship you should stay in.
You want a physical relationship, as would most people at this point - and she doesn't. Even if you talk it through with her before ending it, it's not going to change this fact, and it's likely that nothing will change.

I would part ways.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think she got very hurt in a prior relationship. Don't listen to a bunch of assholes online. You should talk to her.

More likely she had sex to get pregnant and never had sex after that in that shame she calls a marriage. That is such bullshit...oh I was hurt in this other relationship...I guarantee you that if Christian Ronaldo started hitting on you after being hurt in a prior relationship, you would be in bed with him in about two minutes