Sexless marriage

[Anonymous]

My DW doesn't seem to want to have sex anymore. I don't bug her about it- I'd be happy with once or twice a week, but she doesn't seem to want even that. Sometimes she's "not feeling well" or sometimes she's too tired, but basically it just doesn't happen anymore. I love my wife and don't want to have an affair. I don't want to be one of those porn-addicted guys. And I don't want to argue with DW about it like it's wanting her to do more of the housework or something. You can't "make a case" for having more sex. Either someone wants it or they don't, and I want her to want it. I just don't know what to do. I'm feeling like complete crap about myself and I don't want to have a life without sex.

[Anonymous]

Talk to her. Tell her how important it is to you. If she's not feeling well, insist she see a doctor and talk to the doctor about her health. If she's too tired, see what lifestyle changes the two of you can put in place to help her get more rest.

Also, is she on any hormonal birth control? Do you have children? How old are they?

[Anonymous]

How much housework does she do in the evenings? Offer to pick up the slack so she has some chill time. There's nothing worse than having to be on top of everything during every waking moment and then be ready for sex at bedtime.

[Anonymous]

That's a good idea. We fully share the housework and the evenings aren't usually too tough, but I will offer to do more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Talk to her. Tell her how important it is to you. If she's not feeling well, insist she see a doctor and talk to the doctor about her health. If she's too tired, see what lifestyle changes the two of you can put in place to help her get more rest.

Also, is she on any hormonal birth control? Do you have children? How old are they?

She is on the pill, and we have two kids. We could both use a lot more exercise, that's for sure. I'll ask her to talk to her doctor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Talk to her. Tell her how important it is to you. If she's not feeling well, insist she see a doctor and talk to the doctor about her health. If she's too tired, see what lifestyle changes the two of you can put in place to help her get more rest.

Also, is she on any hormonal birth control? Do you have children? How old are they?

She is on the pill, and we have two kids. We could both use a lot more exercise, that's for sure. I'll ask her to talk to her doctor.

The pill is notorious for wreaking havoc on women's sex drives. Look into non-hormonal birth control. How old are the kids? It's possible that she's all touched out, especially if they're young. Any chance you can get away for a weekend to rekindle things?

[Anonymous]

As PP noted, the pill is notorious for tanking sex drive.
Also, are you approaching her sexually at different times? I am often bone tired by the end of the day, but would be more up for a right after work or morning romp. Sometimes, that takes a little planning, but it avoids when I'm at my most fatigued (and thus feeling the least sexy). DH is a night owl by nature, and I'm an early bird so that part needed some tweaking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As PP noted, the pill is notorious for tanking sex drive.
Also, are you approaching her sexually at different times? I am often bone tired by the end of the day, but would be more up for a right after work or morning romp. Sometimes, that takes a little planning, but it avoids when I'm at my most fatigued (and thus feeling the least sexy). DH is a night owl by nature, and I'm an early bird so that part needed some tweaking.

BF and I both are usually really tired at the end of the day. Morning sex is the best!

[Anonymous]

Ditto on the pill. Once off hormonal birth control try to work with her natural cycle. Many (most?) women off hormonal birth control will be MUCH more interested in sex around the time they ovulate. It really makes a big difference.

[Anonymous]

Maybe switch to morning sex sometimes? Talk about it first though.

[Anonymous]

dont get married. /thread

[Anonymous]

Mornino is the way to go. Hire a babysitter for 7 to 10 am, to take the kids totally out of the house. You get up and deal with the kids and the sitter. Let her sleep in and then cuddle and see what happens. Then you make a nice breakfast. It's much easier to have sex when she's well rested and the sexual time isn't being subtracted from her sleep.

[Anonymous]

She may be over you. After my hudband's emotional abuse, lying and cheating I'm uninterested.

[Anonymous]

You can't fix it. Some people just have low sex drives. Accept it or move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How much housework does she do in the evenings? Offer to pick up the slack so she has some chill time. There's nothing worse than having to be on top of everything during every waking moment and then be ready for sex at bedtime.

It's obviously a good idea to help with housework, but don't do it because you think it will solve your sex issues, or you will be disappointed. I also have a sexless marriage. First it was because she was stressed being a newlywed, then she was stressed because she was unemployed, then she thought I didn't do enogh housework, then she thought I was out of shape, then we had our first kid, then she thought she was out of shape, then we had our second kid, then she thought she was out of shape again, then she thought it was because we didn't have enough date nights. We addressed every one of these issues and nothing changed. We're in shape now, we have jobs, we split housework, we have regular date nights. . . that might all be good for our marriage in other ways but didn't change anything at all about sex.