Don't think she wants to sleep with me

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think she got very hurt in a prior relationship. Don't listen to a bunch of assholes online. You should talk to her.

Listen to the assholes. Thr assholes are right. Run!

Plus, if thus woman is so damaged she need to get therapy before dating. She has a bunch of baggage. There are a lot of great single women out there who don't have sex hang ups. Go find one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think she got very hurt in a prior relationship. Don't listen to a bunch of assholes online. You should talk to her.

Who cares? It's not his job to fix her. It really doesn't matter why she isn't interested in sex: she isn't and he is, and therefore they are a bad match.

Talking to her about it is just a way to pressure her so that she does the minimum go-through-the-motions needed to keep him hanging around. He wants sex out of a relationship, she doesn't seem to. Done.

"When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time." - Maya Angelou

[Anonymous]

Here's what's going to happen:
You are going to be the awesome doting guy in her life until she develops a real crush on somebody else; shortly after developing the real crush she is going to tell you that you maybe we shouldn't hang out so much anymore.
You are investing in someone's healing and that is noble, however there is nothing in this for you besides helping a bird to fly.

I have a long history of nearly exactly this type of relationship, there is no way to undo a friend zone. Sure, once in a while there's a drunken slip up but as soon as the hangover kicks in you'll go right back to being buddies. I probably invested a collective year on two or three friends relationships that I wanted more out of, besides the occasional kiss nothing ever turned out.

Your work is done here, go find a new girlfriend because this one ain't yours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: Here's what's going to happen:
You are going to be the awesome doting guy in her life until she develops a real crush on somebody else; shortly after developing the real crush she is going to tell you that you maybe we shouldn't hang out so much anymore.
You are investing in someone's healing and that is noble, however there is nothing in this for you besides helping a bird to fly.

I have a long history of nearly exactly this type of relationship, there is no way to undo a friend zone. Sure, once in a while there's a drunken slip up but as soon as the hangover kicks in you'll go right back to being buddies. I probably invested a collective year on two or three friends relationships that I wanted more out of, besides the occasional kiss nothing ever turned out.

Your work is done here, go find a new girlfriend because this one ain't yours.

OP here, my thought too. I have invested a fair amount of time in this and it makes me want to see it through but your right. I am just setting her up for being fixed with the next guy.

[Anonymous]

Maybe she's just a non-sexual person?

Either way, every other thread on this forum is about a wife that doesn't want to sleep with her husband. And in some cases, husbands that don't want to sleep with their wives. These poor folks are locked in this miserable existence and being forced to choose between celibacy, divorce or an affair. None of those options are a good choice for a person's (or their childrens) well being.

The first four months of being with someone is the hottest that relationship will get.

I'd suggest you find someone who wants you and is sex positive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe she's just a non-sexual person?

Either way, every other thread on this forum is about a wife that doesn't want to sleep with her husband. And in some cases, husbands that don't want to sleep with their wives. These poor folks are locked in this miserable existence and being forced to choose between celibacy, divorce or an affair. None of those options are a good choice for a person's (or their childrens) well being.

The first four months of being with someone is the hottest that relationship will get.

I'd suggest you find someone who wants you and is sex positive.

I completely agree with the bolded part - and I'm happily married for over 20 years and still love having sex with my DH. The passion in those first months was just sizzling. I'm actually glad it died down a bit because it was so consuming!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe she's just a non-sexual person?

Either way, every other thread on this forum is about a wife that doesn't want to sleep with her husband. And in some cases, husbands that don't want to sleep with their wives. These poor folks are locked in this miserable existence and being forced to choose between celibacy, divorce or an affair. None of those options are a good choice for a person's (or their childrens) well being.

The first four months of being with someone is the hottest that relationship will get.

I'd suggest you find someone who wants you and is sex positive.

I completely agree with the bolded part - and I'm happily married for over 20 years and still love having sex with my DH. The passion in those first months was just sizzling. I'm actually glad it died down a bit because it was so consuming!

You can bet he's not glad it died down.

[Anonymous]

Is there a big age difference? Have you told her how much you love her, admire her, desire her?

[Anonymous]

There's no way I'd ever date a woman for six months without being more sexual then kissing. If the chemistry isn't there where both of you can't wait to spend serous time in the bed after a few weeks, it's never going to be there.

You're the rebound man. The quasi bf that she tells her friends and family that "yes, see, I'm doing better. I'm dating OP. You don't have to keep encouraging me to date."

She's just not that into you.

[Anonymous]

I'm in my late 30s, met my DH years ago and lost my virginity to him. Back then, since I was 19 and a virgin, waiting a year to have sex was something he understood (we did everything else though, and he knew I was moving in that direction). Now I love our active sex life, but if something happened that put me back on the dating scene I have no idea when I would be comfortable having sex with someone else. I think you should have a discussion with her before you ditch her.

[Anonymous]

OP, there is no dilemma. Just walk away. She is either not interested in the same kind of relationship you're interested in, or she's unfit to date and remarry at this point in her life. Either way, there is nothing for you here. Sorry, I know the thought of wasting time sucks. Consider cutting your losses and not wasting more time. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe she's just a non-sexual person?

Either way, every other thread on this forum is about a wife that doesn't want to sleep with her husband. And in some cases, husbands that don't want to sleep with their wives. These poor folks are locked in this miserable existence and being forced to choose between celibacy, divorce or an affair. None of those options are a good choice for a person's (or their childrens) well being.

The first four months of being with someone is the hottest that relationship will get.

I'd suggest you find someone who wants you and is sex positive.

I completely agree with the bolded part - and I'm happily married for over 20 years and still love having sex with my DH. The passion in those first months was just sizzling. I'm actually glad it died down a bit because it was so consuming!

You can bet he's not glad it died down.

LOL. NP. This is the same for my husband and I. We have been married for 15 years and still going strong. my husband is glad that it tapered down as we were actually chafing because we had so much sex. I was walking like a cowboy and I think he was raw. And that is actually the truth, we used to laugh about it.

[Anonymous]

I am the last poster. And I should add that I agree with the poster who said that if she has not had sex with you by now, chances are you are in the friend zone. I dated a few guys casually and if I did not want to have sex within the first 3 months then I never had sex with them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: I am the last poster. And I should add that I agree with the poster who said that if she has not had sex with you by now, chances are you are in the friend zone. I dated a few guys casually and if I did not want to have sex within the first 3 months then I never had sex with them.

Yeah, I am just reading though all this and if what the OP says about himself is true then there is something really wrong there. I have a friend whose husband died suddenly in their early 40's, it was devastating. They had a really great marriage and were going along just fine when he died. She struggled afterward dealing with it and the children left behind. After about a year she got on her feet and got back out there and started dating about 15 months later. The first guy was rough to date but he was "HOT" so she didn't have any problem with him. She certainly didn't wait 6 months to sleep with him and that is after a death. This person is dealing with, yes a difficult situation, a divorce. Makes me think there wasn't a whole lot of sex in the first marriage to begin with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: Here's what's going to happen:
You are going to be the awesome doting guy in her life until she develops a real crush on somebody else; shortly after developing the real crush she is going to tell you that you maybe we shouldn't hang out so much anymore.
You are investing in someone's healing and that is noble, however there is nothing in this for you besides helping a bird to fly.

I have a long history of nearly exactly this type of relationship, there is no way to undo a friend zone. Sure, once in a while there's a drunken slip up but as soon as the hangover kicks in you'll go right back to being buddies. I probably invested a collective year on two or three friends relationships that I wanted more out of, besides the occasional kiss nothing ever turned out.

Your work is done here, go find a new girlfriend because this one ain't yours.

OP here, my thought too. I have invested a fair amount of time in this and it makes me want to see it through but your right. I am just setting her up for being fixed with the next guy.

OP, another woman here. I think you should cut her loose. If it were still the first month of dating, then it wouldn't be such a big deal. But you said it's now 6 to 7 months. Most of the excitement comes in the first few weeks of dating someone. It sounds like she's just not that in to you. Don't waste your time. Find someone who deserves your affection. GL.