Anonymous wrote:I guess I am not hearing anyone say very clearly that they understand who their child is, or what they want. Many 18 year olds are not ready to make any choices. We sent our youngest to community college for two years, and let him work while he was there. He came out with 3.8 and then transferred to UVA, which is a Great state school. No pressure, and now he knows what he wants to accomplish and where his passion lies.

I don't hear anyone taking what their particular child needs or wants into account on this board.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I guess I am not hearing anyone say very clearly that they understand who their child is, or what they want. Many 18 year olds are not ready to make any choices. We sent our youngest to community college for two years, and let him work while he was there. He came out with 3.8 and then transferred to UVA, which is a Great state school. No pressure, and now he knows what he wants to accomplish and where his passion lies.

I don't hear anyone taking what their particular child needs or wants into account on this board.

Maybe because the kids themselves don't know who they are or what they want. However, you give your kid a gift when you teach work ethic, for example. Then when your kid does figure out what s/he wants, he will have the drive to pursue it.

baltimoreguy wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I guess I am not hearing anyone say very clearly that they understand who their child is, or what they want. Many 18 year olds are not ready to make any choices. We sent our youngest to community college for two years, and let him work while he was there. He came out with 3.8 and then transferred to UVA, which is a Great state school. No pressure, and now he knows what he wants to accomplish and where his passion lies.

I don't hear anyone taking what their particular child needs or wants into account on this board.

Maybe because the kids themselves don't know who they are or what they want. However, you give your kid a gift when you teach work ethic, for example. Then when your kid does figure out what s/he wants, he will have the drive to pursue it.

Great point. Sounds like Carol Dweck, whose writing has truly inspired my approach to being a parent. We try to offer realistic assessment and praise (when warranted) of our kids' effort without stressing the result. I think it's helped them develop the intrinsic motivation to try to do their best as often as possible, but to also not consider themselves failures if/when they come up short. And I feel like the same approach can be applied on a macro level to the college admissions process - focus on finding the best fit and not stress too much about whether or not their college destination is "good" enough.

Anonymous wrote:

baltimoreguy wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I guess I am not hearing anyone say very clearly that they understand who their child is, or what they want. Many 18 year olds are not ready to make any choices. We sent our youngest to community college for two years, and let him work while he was there. He came out with 3.8 and then transferred to UVA, which is a Great state school. No pressure, and now he knows what he wants to accomplish and where his passion lies.

I don't hear anyone taking what their particular child needs or wants into account on this board.

Maybe because the kids themselves don't know who they are or what they want. However, you give your kid a gift when you teach work ethic, for example. Then when your kid does figure out what s/he wants, he will have the drive to pursue it.

Great point. Sounds like Carol Dweck, whose writing has truly inspired my approach to being a parent. We try to offer realistic assessment and praise (when warranted) of our kids' effort without stressing the result. I think it's helped them develop the intrinsic motivation to try to do their best as often as possible, but to also not consider themselves failures if/when they come up short. And I feel like the same approach can be applied on a macro level to the college admissions process - focus on finding the best fit and not stress too much about whether or not their college destination is "good" enough.

PP that you're responding to here. Yes, I've read Carol Dweck myself. The premise is that your kid will actually try harder when the motivation is internal, as opposed to rewarding As with cash, for example.