College Pressures Starting Already?!!!

[Anonymous]

My DD is a rising 8th grader in a good school (where she will attend high school as well) and she came home yesterday freaked about what she should have been doing already to get into a good college. Apparently some of her classmates are taking high school summer school electives and have already started their volunteer hours.

Seriously, already?!!! When I was her age no one talked about college acceptance until after they took the PSATs at the end of sophomore year in high school. I am not ready to start calming college anxiety for a girl who hasn't even started 8th grade yet!

Is this common nowadays?

[Anonymous]

You have to start early if you're looking to make her stand out of the pool. I was college minded by my freshman year because I was looking for, and received, an academic scholarship. That was 15 years ago.

[Anonymous]

DS is 10 and we talk to him matter-of-factly about what it will take to be considered for a top college. We have also begun to take steps to position him on that track.

I'm not sure that being candid about this to him and engaging him in the discussion is tantamount to active "pressure." Maybe passive. I'm cool with that. He has big professional dreams of his own -- which he can discuss intelligently and without prompting -- and as an adult with more life experience I know damn well that he can't just show up the fall of junior year and announce ok! Ready to work and get going on that college package. Well, he could, but certain doors will be closed to him.

[Anonymous]

You do have to start lining up the right classes in grade school to get into the right classes in high school if DD wants one of the top schools. However we are in NYC and getting into the Specialized High Schools and private schools are what is on the mind of every 7th and 8th grader I know now. The fact that your DD is already in the school where she will attend high school clears that hurdle at least.

Yes, sadly - it is pretty common among good students.

[Anonymous]

OP,
My child starts college in the fall. His classmates in elementary school (a DC public) had college on the brain! They became aware of "good colleges" very early. Later, in private school, some people were more intense about it than others. We did SAT prep before any of our friends (at my child's request). The thing is to calibrate your expectations to the realities of acceptances rates and the crap-shoot factor! I have two friends, one whose child was a hyper achiever, the other who was more laid back. They are both attending the same top 10 school. Why? The laid back one got great scores and did something very interesting with language study.

[Anonymous]

It's actually good to start early to make sure she has what her top choices want in terms of academics. I would be less worried about high school electives and volunteer hours now - but would start looking into what she does want to do.

I started taking bag-pipe lessons in 8th grade and continued thru high school - and got pretty. Weird, but I do think it gave me a little edge in admissions - it was what every alumni interviewer asked be about. My kid is an athlete and has no interest in a learning a weird instrument but we did get advice on what position he should play in what sport to give him the edge when applying to the Ivy League Colleges.

[Anonymous]

You people are SICK. If you see everything in your child's life transactionally (will this help him get into college? No? Then whats the point?) you will (1) rob them of their childhood, (2) Increase the likelihood of mental illness -- trust me on this one, my DC just graduated from high school and I saw the wreckage all around her., (3) and, it will be counter-productive. A child who has been programed is a child who doesn't learn to think for herself. This is why we are producing so many good little soldiers who will work, work, work but couldn't create something if their life depended on it.

There was a girl in my 7th grade class who started researching colleges because "you need to start early." Senior year she attempted suicide. True story. You may think your child is just fine with all of it but you won't know until later that it isn't the case at all.

If everything is pointed to that one task of getting into college, what happens then? How well prepared are they to take control of the rest of their lives?

In 10th grade you can start thinking about colleges. There is absolutely no need to do so before then and it could cause more harm than good.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You do have to start lining up the right classes in grade school to get into the right classes in high school if DD wants one of the top schools. However we are in NYC and getting into the Specialized High Schools and private schools are what is on the mind of every 7th and 8th grader I know now. The fact that your DD is already in the school where she will attend high school clears that hurdle at least.

Yes, sadly - it is pretty common among good students.

I hear that kids as young as third grade start studying for the entrance exam to the NYC specialized high schools - wild.

Competition to get into the top universities is tough, OP. Luckily my DS knew what college he wanted to go to when he was a kid and never wavered and it wasn't an ivy or top 20 university. Made our lives much easier!

[Anonymous]

I'm suprised that all of the PPs except one think that college pressure for young kids is normal. This thread is whack.

[Anonymous]

If your daughter is a top student at a private school on the east coast, I'm surprised she is just hearing about the college talk now. My kids friends started talking college and college acceptance in fifth and sixth grade. I'm sure it is different in public school and with average students but for the private school kids, most of the parents chose high school because it was a "feeder" to top universities and chose the grammar school because it was a feeder to the high schools that fed into the top colleges.

It is just life for these kids. Not a lot of kids get into Harvard or Yale with a laid-back attitude.

We do send our two kids to a great private school and they are good students but DH and I graduated from a small liberal arts college and have been steering our kids to that school. It's a good school but not a top university and they will have no trouble getting into it - thus less high school pressure. If they want Ivy, they can go for graduate school.

[Anonymous]

At my dc's private school we were advised to not talk about college during their 9th grade year and give our kids a chance to enjoy high school and immerse themselves in their classes. We know that ds wants to go to college but does not want to visit anywhere or be talking about specific schools. That is fine with us and consistent with the guidance we are receiving from his high school.

[Anonymous]

My 8th grader knows the hoops that people jump through to get into the top schools, but she also knows there is a college in this country for everyone. Those two things combined are giving her the power to make choices and plans accordingly.

[Anonymous]

9:47 here. College discussions/pressure didn't start for me until high school, and it came from other students and school. Once in high school, I would try to emphasize figuring out what your child wants to do, not just getting into college. Help your child figure out what he/she wants to do in life, then work backwards on what to study in college in order to get there.

[Anonymous]

I'm a teacher. We discuss college readiness beginning in K. We encourage diversifying activities and volunteer work in middle school in preparation for HS where it starts to "count". 8th grade is certainly not too early to begin thinking about college. But I wouldn't get worked up about everyone else is doing. Find activities/classes/sports/volunteer opportunities that your child is interested in and just make sure she's always involved (even through the summer). The "pressure" is only there if you let it be...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You people are SICK. If you see everything in your child's life transactionally (will this help him get into college? No? Then whats the point?) you will (1) rob them of their childhood, (2) Increase the likelihood of mental illness -- trust me on this one, my DC just graduated from high school and I saw the wreckage all around her., (3) and, it will be counter-productive. A child who has been programed is a child who doesn't learn to think for herself. This is why we are producing so many good little soldiers who will work, work, work but couldn't create something if their life depended on it.

There was a girl in my 7th grade class who started researching colleges because "you need to start early." Senior year she attempted suicide. True story. You may think your child is just fine with all of it but you won't know until later that it isn't the case at all.

If everything is pointed to that one task of getting into college, what happens then? How well prepared are they to take control of the rest of their lives?

In 10th grade you can start thinking about colleges. There is absolutely no need to do so before then and it could cause more harm than good.

Anything interesting on the docket for you today out there in manassas / Des Moines / Tampa / San Antonio? Isn't there a listserv for you there? We are in DC and this is how it is here.