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When you married you husband, did you sense that he could cheat?
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Anonymous
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I often wonder about this. I see so many women surprised that their husbands cheat, but I look at these men and it seems obvious to me. There is a set of women who are married to cheaters and not surprised. There are the ones that are married to good men and never deal with it. There are those who thought they had a decent man, and get crushed.
When I dated, I could tell if a man had a high chance of cheating. I avoided them. To me it seems so obvious, not 100% of course, but obvious when a man is likely to cheat. |
Anonymous
| Yes I agree. |
Anonymous
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I was pregnant when I married DH, but yes, I thought he could cheat. I guess I went into it thinking at least I tried to make a marriage work for my DD's sake. I definitely thought, "There's always the option of divorce" even as I showered that morning of my wedding.
But I do think a lot of women have better radars and people sense than I do. What would be the signs OP is looking for to avoid dating those men? I'll be entering the dating game next year (if I have any spare time...  )
Here's another question to ponder: if am man is great in bed, is that a sign? What if he's into something like blindfolds and restraints? I think now those should have been my red flags for cheating... |
Anonymous
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It's kind of like getting old, or fat, or death.... when you are young you have this sense in invulnerability, "it's not going to happen to me". You and the guy are so much in love. Life is easy. Dual income, no kids, thin and energetic, great sex.... It's difficult to imagine the things that CAUSE cheating happening to you. Like PPD, weight gain, exhaustion, stress, reduced sex, reduced emotional connection, anger.
I knew he was flirtatious. But I also knew that I loved him, and I would spend the rest of my life regretting it if I didn't try. I gambled, and I lost. |
zumbamama
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| I've had previous boyfriends whom I felt could cheat, and sure enough they did. But with DH, I've never felt that he would. He's way too whipped to even think about it... hehe! |
zumbamama
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I don't think being good in bed is a sign of cheating. In fact I've heard from countless girlfriends, the handsome charmers they fell for were awful in bed because they never stay with one woman long enough to know how to BE good in bed. The ones that want a long-time girlfriend are the ones who are going to work extra hard to please the girl...doing whatever creative stuff she is into : ) I think more likely signs of a cheater would be relentless roving eyes, being secretive, degrading attitude toward women or always wanting to do something else besides spend time with his woman. |
Anonymous
| DH was whipped too. I never thought he would cheat. But I also never thought my libido would reduce to nothing. |
Anonymous
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Yes, I knew he was capable of cheating. He had had an affair with a married friend behind his previous girlfriend's back.
Since he was miserable with that girlfriend and didn't have the skills to leave her, I have always hoped that he wouldn't cheat on me unless he was deeply unhappy and didn't have the courage to leave. After 20 years I know he hasn't been deeply unhappy but I don't know if he has been unhappy enough at times to cheat. I know he still loves me a lot even though I drive him crazy sometimes (the feeling is mutual) but I must admit I keep waiting to hear some day that he has done it. I wish I knew what it was like to feel confident that your husband would never cheat! |
Anonymous
| No and he doesn't. My first husband was a cheater, always thinking the grass was greener on the other side. I'm so relieved that I didn't have children with my first. My man sets a great example for our son. |
Anonymous
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One of my best friends in college gave me a piece of advice once and I think it is really true:
"He should always be more in love with you than you are with him." I now it sounds a little callous, but it is true. I would have to say that it works for me and my husband. |
Anonymous
This is also the case with me and my husband, except he still "cheated" (cyber/phone sex). It was at that time that I learned that it was a "habit" has he has had for years, way before we met. He claims that it is over - I do not beleive him. |
Anonymous
I read a story about some 90 year old woman who had been married for something like 75 years to the same man. When asked how she managed to keep her marriage together for so long, she said, "Easy. For 75 years we've both been in love with the same man!"
My husband thinks I should follow her model, I think, but the truth is I'm angling for the same one as the smart poster above. |
Anonymous
Yes, have to say that my husband is more emotionally dependent on me than I am on him. He has almost never lived alone while I still miss being single now and then. But I still believe that in a rash moment he could cheat on me. I don't know if that's just me or if it's him or both of us. |
Anonymous
| Well, my ex was "more in love" with me than I was with him. Didn't work. He finally got tired of being the giver in the relationship that he cheated, and then left. I don't really blame him. I'm now with someone I love as much as he loves me. I find it healthier all the way around. |
Anonymous
See, my husband has always been more in love with me than I am with him. It doesn't actually work. I thought that my role was to take as many worries from him as possible so he could pursue his brilliant career (and it has been brilliant). I did everything for the kids, but we still had dates and really great (and frequent) sex. I thought our marriage was perfect. But it turns out that he wanted me to NEED him more than I did. He became friends with a co-worker who NEEDED his advice and support far more than I did. It turned into an ugly emotional affair, which had my whole life in a tailspin. Throughout the 10 months that he talked to her about his and her hopes and dreams (not romance - just emotional intimacy), he claimed to still be passionately in love with me - even to her. It wasn't until I fell apart over their growing friendship that he realized what he was taking from me and giving to her. He cut off all contact with her, and we are closer than ever. But it could easily have turned into a physical affair - in spite of his loving me more than I loved him. It's the Knight in Shining Armor thing... |