SAHM and Dads: How did you know it was right for you?
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Anonymous
| We're thinking it might be right for us, but not sure if we're chickening out because we're not happy with daycare options. What made you decide to stay home? |
Anonymous
| I couldn't imagine leaving the primary care giving of my child to another person. Sometimes it sucks staying home, but I would suck it up any day to avoid having to have him in daycare or with a nanny (even the best nannies aren't going to love your child and give him the attention and affection that you could as his mother). |
Anonymous
| We had just relocated for DH's job and the economy was bad so jobs were not easy to land. In addition, DH's nEw job required lots of travel and unpredictable hours. |
Anonymous
| I felt very strongly that I didn't want anyone but my boyfriend and I being the ones instilling values and morals in our kids. |
Anonymous
| I couldn't bear the thought of missing that much time with my kid. And I worked a job that was demanding, but with mediocre pay and it didnt have much potential for advancement. DH works crazy long hours and the expectation is that he won't be leavin work early to deal with a sick kid, etc.. Maybe I would have dealt with having to leave DC for a career that I loved, but to add stress over always doing pick-up and being out with his illnesses to a career I hated? Yeah, it was a no brainer. |
Anonymous
I wanted to raise my own kids - not ship them off to "school" for 10 hours a day with someone who likely didn't really care that much about them. I think that it is the best thing you can do for young children. It broke both my DH and my hearts to look at daycare when our first was born. We looked at how destitute the daycare's were for babies (we looked at a ton of centers) and realized there was no way we were going to do that to our children. DH doesn't earn much, but he has untraditional hours which make it better that I am home. If you can do it, I really would. It is such a wonderful experience  .
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Anonymous
| It didnt make financial sense with the cost of childcare for two little ones. But, honestly, dh couldn't handle pitching in the share of help that would be needed if I worked too. He works hard and does help out with kids. But he couldn't deal with helping out with meals, grocery shopping, laundry, doc appointments, etc. (My job would have less flexability than his.) The division of labor works pretty well now. Though there is an underlying resentment that I get from dh for not bringing in an income and he often devalues what I do. We have issues, clearly. |
Anonymous
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As someone who went to daycare from week 6 of my own life with a wonderful caregiver who is still part of my life, I just want to say that I think people on this thread are being a little too down on the option of someone else caring for your child. I also think it's a more complex choice for many of us, although I've been assured before by other SAHMs on this thread that it is all sunshine caring for their little ones and there's nary a moment of self-doubt or frustration!
So here's my two cents: I knew being a SAHM was right for me because I did not adore my job or receive personal fulfillment from it; it kept me away from the thing I wanted to be doing (spending time with my child); and the commute plus the job stressed me out enough (I am a big old introvert) so that even when I got home I felt like I needed time to unwind and it was hard for me to continue being cheerful and loving and interactive with my family. That's how I knew it was right for ME. That said, I am highly educated and take a lot of joy in mental activity and challenges, and as much as I appreciate and love being able to stay at home, I find that I need to find outlets for my intellect-- besides story time and the playground  -- or else SAH begins to feel like the choice to stifle myself in favor of the next generation.
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Anonymous
Sorry, meant to say forum. |
Anonymous
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I chose to stay home for both practical and emotional reasons. Practicality wise: we moved to a new state when I was 7 weeks away from giving birth to my child. There was no way anybody was going to hire me when I was 7 weeks away from giving birth, so I elected to not work those 7 weeks and see how things went after the baby was born.
Well, after the baby was born, we found out just how much travel DH's new job that we had moved for entailed. He was gone about 3 weeks a month for a long time. When we realized how much he would be traveling, it made no sense for us to put DD in daycare so I could work. It would have run me ragged, to do all the nighttime feedings by myself, then get up in the morning and get us both ready, drop her off at daycare, go work a full day, pick her up, come home, and do it all night by myself again. It would have been a nightmare. So we decided I would stay home. The agreement has ALWAYS been that I plan to go back to work when she is of the age when she'll be in school full time, all day (age 5). But if the right job comes along, or I just decide I no longer want to do it, my husband supports me going back early. She is almost three, so if she were to go into all-day preschool now, it really wouldn't be as big a deal as it would have been when she was a baby. (She can tell me if someone is mean to her or bites her or whatever, she can do more for herself so I don't have to worry if a provider is rocking her or holding her enough as I would have when she was an infant.) Emotionally, I just didn't want to send her to daycare. Before we moved to the new state, I worked at a great job, and had every intention of going back to that job at 8 weeks post partum. I don't know, if we had stayed in that state, if I really could have done that. I loved the job, but I don't know if I could have put my baby in daycare. And I just have this feeling that the kids who have the highest self-esteem in life are the ones who spent the majority of their early formative years with their mom. Nobody loves you like your mom. I had the chance to be able to fill all the days of her first few years with total love. This is no dig against kids who go to daycare- they have some skills that my daughter doesn't yet, like, I don't know, counting to 50. She can't do that. I don't think daycare is bad. I just wanted the positivity in my daughter's life that would come from spending the first part of her life home with me. If it hadn't been an option, of course I would have sent her to daycare, and I'm sure she'd have thrived. But I did have the option, and I figured, you know, she has her whole life to be in school all day and then eventually she'll move away and be an adult and work. There's only a few short years there in the beginning where you really get to fully enjoy them and that's what I wanted to do. |
Anonymous
I hope you are trolling. Having kids out of wedlock is immoral, so this leaves me to wonder if you were concerned about exposing your children to positive influences? |
Anonymous
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I had no desire for my kids to be in a rat race from birth. We didn't want them to have to commute, to rush through evenings and mornings. I didn't want them to be in structured, educational activities 50 hours a week. I wanted to be able to cuddle my kids when they were sick. I didn't want to have to keep them up late or wake them up early just to spend time with them. I really didn't want our lives to be a stressful dash from morning until night. I didn't want to feel we were just trying to survive each day.
In order to really be able to enjoy each other and to enjoy life in a relaxed way and keep everyone's stress down - SAH made the most sense. The days are still busy and we are still tired but there is so much flexibility and so much less stress. I also like being able to be the one doing the hands on parenting and to have conversations throughout the day that instill the values that are important to us. My DH goes into work very early and is home by four. We are able to have family dinners, and relaxed evenings, spending lots of time together as a family and still getting the kids to bed early. Neither my DH or I are career/ wealth / success oriented people. We are far more into enjoying life and building relationships and spending time relaxing with friends and family so it worked for us. |
trollol
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And I hope you are trolling. Forcing your beliefs on others is immoral, so this leaves me to wonder if you were concerned about exposing your children to positive influences. |
Anonymous
boyfriend! LOL! such commitment! |
Anonymous
Thank you for writing this. I am a working mom who is considering whether working part-time might work after baby #2, for a variety of financial and work/life balance reasons. My first child has been in daycare since 12 weeks and he is doing just fine now at age 3, and he is not confused about the moral and behavioral standards in our home. I fully respect other women's choices since I know how difficult they are to make, though it would seem that the SAHM's on this board do not share the same level of respect. Railing against daycare when you have no experience with it just comes across as ignorant and judgmental. |