Please explain Southern-style communication to a clueless Yankee

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I dislike Southerners - William T. Sherman should've completely destroyed the south and kicked everyone out into mexico.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Gotta say that to a Northerner, Richmond is pretty Southern. It was the capitol of the Confederacy, after all.

Yeah, and considering Robert E. Lee's home was in Arlington and one of the main confederate forces was the Army of Northern Virginia, you're gonna have a hard time convincing this northerner that Northern Virginia isn't the South. Hell, MD is below the Mason-Dixon Line, so I'm kinda suspicious of them. VA's not even in the discussion.

As for all you squabbling over whether Texas, Kentucky, etc. are somehow different, from where we sit - you're all the South. (Don't take it personally, we feel the same way about the great undifferentiated Midwest.) Although I think it goes both ways - how often have I heard Southerners talk about the "Northeast" as if it's one big place, when it's obviously not. I'm from NJ, and I think Mainers are a different species, while people from Vermont might as well be from a different planet.

I'm a Southerner who's been posting in this thread and I think most of us would say NJ was the northeast but Maine was New England. I definitely get that they're different.

Sadly, most Southerners have to Google this kind of information. Not that they would admit it, of course.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I live in the south in a very rural area.

Something else you need to know...
If someone calls you “honey” or “sweetie,” it is not condescending. Nor is it flirting. It is the way people talk here. It is simply a term of endearment.
And, southern people are not afraid to strike up a conversation with you while you are waiting at the doctor’s office or while waiting for your car to be serviced.
They just like to talk. They are friendly like that.

+1 overall, a good-hearted group of people

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Gotta say that to a Northerner, Richmond is pretty Southern. It was the capitol of the Confederacy, after all.

Yeah, and considering Robert E. Lee's home was in Arlington and one of the main confederate forces was the Army of Northern Virginia, you're gonna have a hard time convincing this northerner that Northern Virginia isn't the South. Hell, MD is below the Mason-Dixon Line, so I'm kinda suspicious of them. VA's not even in the discussion.

As for all you squabbling over whether Texas, Kentucky, etc. are somehow different, from where we sit - you're all the South. (Don't take it personally, we feel the same way about the great undifferentiated Midwest.) Although I think it goes both ways - how often have I heard Southerners talk about the "Northeast" as if it's one big place, when it's obviously not. I'm from NJ, and I think Mainers are a different species, while people from Vermont might as well be from a different planet.

I'm a Southerner who's been posting in this thread and I think most of us would say NJ was the northeast but Maine was New England. I definitely get that they're different.

Sadly, most Southerners have to Google this kind of information. Not that they would admit it, of course.

Sadly, some northerners, such as the PP, have to be snarky and condescending. Not that they would admit it, of course.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think one of my favorite long-standing southernisms that I employ often, is when I hate/am annoyed by/want to ignore something, I refer to it as "nice."

"She's really nice."
"Isn't that so nice!"
"What a nice new house!"
"Thanks for having us for lunch. It was so nice."

Hah! I do the same thing, but I use the word, "lovely:"

"Isn't that lovely!"
"That is just lovely."
"I love it! It's lovely!"
"Lovely, just. . lovely."

Mine is sweet. Someone's kid is acting a fool and they apologize: "Awww... she's sweet. "

Hilarious - and spot on! My go-to is "lovely". You have to be practiced in the art of social niceties and subtleties to decipher the meanings of compliments and invitations. The bottom line is that no Properly Raised and Polite Person would ever say anything rude outright. Makes for some interesting social navigation if you aren't used to it!

Wow, Southerners are more rude than I ever expected!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is so funny. I have lived in both North and Southern U.S. and I find Northeners FAR more polite. I suppose the directness is preferable to passive aggressive by most.

+100000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I grew up in Northern California and I say please, thank you, excuse me (it really irritates me when people don't say this in particular). I also offer my seat to pregnant women, the disabled and elderly, but I don't expect or really want to have doors held for me simply because of my gender. OTOH, if I'm carrying a package or toting a suitcase, I appreciate people of either gender doing that for me. I have taken many meals to neighbors in need -- probably because I grew up in a small town where that was common -- and generally try to say what I mean and mean what I say.

I've always liked New Yorkers and New Englanders for their forthright manner. I married a Midwesterner and find that folks from that part of the country are unfailingly warm and friendly in a very genuine way. When I moved here it took me a while to get used to Southerners, but I now count quite a few as friends. Until I got to know them well, though, I did find their tendency to gush when they were obviously annoyed a little phony -- e.g., "Bless her heart" said in response to someone bragging about her precocious child. At some point, though I realized that my own response as a westerner is no less phony, though said in a rather skeptical tone -- e.g., "Realllly."

Absolutely. They say what they mean and mean what they say. No playing games.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think one of my favorite long-standing southernisms that I employ often, is when I hate/am annoyed by/want to ignore something, I refer to it as "nice."

"She's really nice."
"Isn't that so nice!"
"What a nice new house!"
"Thanks for having us for lunch. It was so nice."

But what would you say if your really did like the lunch, house etc.?

I'd be saying similar things, but my body tone, body language, the tone and repetition in which I am saying it would be more natural, less wooden and less repetitive, more spontaneous-sounding. I would be mixing up the word choices more, soudning more natual and not forced, not just repeating the same frozen 1-2 adjectives over and over.

I do this to my MIL when I want her to shut it, and I've heard the story a zillion times, or I have no idea who the person is. It goes right over her head (she is southern, I am northern, so let it rip - haha!)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel Southern men do more of the things such as: holding a door open for a female, letting a female step forward onto an elevator first, opening a female's car door, etc. Also: letting older people walk in front of you (such as exiting an elevator first, or stepping onto an elevator first), or giving up a seat for an elderly person (basically, anyone older than you) or for females. I never really paid attention to these things before, thinking them the natural order of the universe , but when I went to college (Midwest, but drew people from every region of the US, so what I am mentioning next is not targeting Midwesterners), I found myself pretty shocked and actually hurt or offended if people did not do these things! I know it sounds silly now, but I did feel like these folks were being rude and were just generally a bit more clueless than the people I had been used to at home. I had a boyfriend and a BFF from Calif. and I used to talk to each of them about this and they both thought, individually, that it was absolutley insane for me to pay attention to these things, and that they were so much more enlightened and easy-breezy to treat everyone, regardless of gender or age, etc., in the same egalitarian fashion. However, I to thsi day still prefer to follow the "rules" I listed above, and I must confess I do feel most comfortable around folks who do these things too! So, this is all to say: Northerners (and other regions), it's not that we consider you rude, but it's just we've had it so hammered into us -- and reinforced by the social norms around us -- that it IS what Polite Peole (with a capital P and P) DOOOO, that yeah, the first knee-jerk reaction, when you see someone NOT doing it is, "Bless your heart, so-and-so just stepped onto the elevator in front of me." Or, what-have-you.

FWIW, my DH (born and raised in northern New Jersey) does all of these things...his mother insisted on it.

Really? Southerners (including the men) seem rather hostile for no reason, to me.

[Anonymous]

Reading this is making me so happy I left the South forever. If you are whitetrash with roots it's awesome. If your dad is gay (like me), it's a living hell. I was told "bless your heart" every damn day by some horrid church lady.

All I can say is my dads prayer: Dear Lord, please deliver me from your followers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:9:37 again- "I'll pray for you" = I hate your fucking guts.

Please ignore the troll.

[Anonymous]

Southern manners? Passive aggressive bullying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Has anyone mentioned saying that you don't know someone well when asked about a person you don't like?

This.

And the PP who explained the multiple uses of "bless her heart" was correct. It can be a sincere statement of concern, code for "she's an idiot," or something in between. Depends on the context.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think one of my favorite long-standing southernisms that I employ often, is when I hate/am annoyed by/want to ignore something, I refer to it as "nice."

"She's really nice."
"Isn't that so nice!"
"What a nice new house!"
"Thanks for having us for lunch. It was so nice."

But what would you say if your really did like the lunch, house etc.?

I'd be saying similar things, but my body tone, body language, the tone and repetition in which I am saying it would be more natural, less wooden and less repetitive, more spontaneous-sounding. I would be mixing up the word choices more, soudning more natual and not forced, not just repeating the same frozen 1-2 adjectives over and over.

I do this to my MIL when I want her to shut it, and I've heard the story a zillion times, or I have no idea who the person is. It goes right over her head (she is southern, I am northern, so let it rip - haha!)

From your comments, it would seem that your MIL is putting up with a lot when she's around you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Southern manners? Passive aggressive bullying.

This.

The fake niceties are vomit worthy. Be real, be true and don't blanket your nastiness with catchy phrases that you call "politeness".