I am a legally married gay mother of 2. Ask me anything
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Anonymous
Thanks for this thread OP - it's been a really interesting read! As to your friendship question, I agree with the poster below - our kids are 2 and 4, and at this point the vast majority of our new friends come through our kids/neighbors. We occasionally do something with work friends, but in terms of folks we see on a regular basis, it is folks who (a) have kids the same age as our that get along with our kids, and (b) live withing a few miles of us. And geographic proximity has a LOT to do with it. Luckily we live in a neighborhood chock full of little kids, but it's no coincidence that the folks we see the most / do the most with have a child to play with our eldest (2 yo trails along after the bigger kids) and live within a stones throw of our house. Developing friendships requires time, and it is so much easier to find that time if you just run into folks when out for a walk.
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NotSoAnonymous
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Q:, I have a young child and my husband and I would totally want to be friends with you if we knew you in real life because you seem nice!
A: well thanks! I am pretty nice; my mama raised me right. To the poster who asked if you just would want to be friends b/c I am gay, I am desperate enough for friends I don't know that I'd care so long as we had other things in common. Hell, I want more straight friends so that my kids see mother/father families. Does that make me a hypocrit? |
Anonymous
I am not PP, but I wanted to say that I am sorry that people made such hateful comments on the other thread. |
NotSoAnonymous
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I think I will do better on the friend front when the kids are bigger and we aren't slaves to the nap and 7 pm bedtime. We do have some young families here but they are both very religious. They have never been nasty, but it is obvious we aren't going to be BFFs. Our kids do play together. Another family has an older daughter that my boys love. Our families may turn into friends.
I have a lot of great colleagues but only one has recently started a family. As I said upthread, my wife is very shy so she has a hard time with new people. |
NotSoAnonymous
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Q:I am not PP, but I wanted to say that I am sorry that people made such hateful comments on the other thread.
A: Thank you. That was the reason I wanted to do this. I am not a boogeyman. I am a person. My family is real and already a part of your community. All I ask is for the respect and dignity we should all be granted as humans. I understand that people might be uncomfortable. I will say it again, I think we have a lot more in common than not. Me? I like folk music and hate autotune. I still listen to Nirvana when I feel angsty. I love hiking in the woods and reading historical fiction. My favorite food is steak and potatoes but most of my friends are vegetarian. I could use advice on how to get my 2 year old to transition to a toddler bed. I live for March Madness. I am fascinated by astronomy and space exploration. I want my kids to know the sound of sprin peepers more than sirens. I love my grandma so much it hurts and I wish we lived closer. There is so much more to all of us than who we fall in love with. |
Anonymous
I am so glad that you posted this comment. I am a SAHD and I live a few blocks from a gay family with 3 kids / 2 moms. They both work, so I don't see them much and don't know them well. I sort of assumed they had their own circle of friends because women seem to be better at men at reaching out and building a social network. But of course everyone is an individual, so averages don't often mean much. But who knows, maybe they are isolated. I can relate to the isolation because I was once there as a SAHD, but I was able to make friends through a Dads group and also through preschool. So I guess I should do something about it. BTW if SAHD's can find a home, anyone can. There are not that many of us, and we are terrible at admitting that we need friends, even worse at doing anything about finding them. Despite the self-sabotage, we end up with friends, and I am hoping the same is true for you. |
Anonymous
| OP, I have a gay male relative who makes really hateful comments about other gay males. He says always that since he is gay, he is allowed to say certain things. These are comments he would never say to their face atleast I hope not. Should I just ignore his hateful comments or correct him? I am not sure what to say or do. Is this mostly an immaturity issue (he is 26) ? |
NotSoAnonymous
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Q: OP, I have a gay male relative who makes really hateful comments about other gay males. He says always that since he is gay, he is allowed to say certain things. These are comments he would never say to their face atleast I hope not. Should I just ignore his hateful comments or correct him? I am not sure what to say or do. Is this mostly an immaturity issue (he is 26) ?
A: hmm. Sounds to me like he may be dealing with some internalized homophobia along with immaturity. If he is being truly ugly I'd ask him to tone it down. "Hey Bob, I'd appreciate it if you'd knock that kind of talk off. ". "Dude, shut up Mary, I am queer so I can say what I want." "Actually, no. You're being crude and offensive and you need to stop." |
Anonymous
Not to make light of the scenario but it reminds me of the Seinfeld episode when the dentist converted to judaisim and then justified his anti semetic remarks by saying he was Jewish. |
Anonymous
| Do you have any good crock pot recipes? I am seriously needing some new ideas. |
Anonymous
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Are you tolerant about someone's religious views?
Do you feel like everyone should accept how you live your life? Would you be okay with all gays being granted civil unions if they are allowed the same rights as marriage? If granted the right to marry, do you think churches should be forced to perform these ceremonies? How did you feel about the lesbian who was denied communion at her mother's funeral? |
NotSoAnonymous
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Q: Do you have any good crock pot recipes? I am seriously needing some new ideas.
A: http://allrecipes.com/recipe/spicy-slow-cooker-black-bean-soup/ I do this over brown rice cooked in veggie stock. Yum! |
Anonymous
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Anonymous
| I guess this is a question for all sides, but why do people tend to not take bisexuality seriously? |
NotSoAnonymous
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Q: Are you tolerant about someone's religious views?
Do you feel like everyone should accept how you live your life? Would you be okay with all gays being granted civil unions if they are allowed the same rights as marriage? If granted the right to marry, do you think churches should be forced to perform these ceremonies? How did you feel about the lesbian who was denied communion at her mother's funeral? A: I am extremely tolerant of varied religious views until those views impinge on my rights as an American citizen. I find your next question to be so odd. I don't spend my days looking at people around me and thinking about whether or not I accept their ways of life. I suppose you only need accept my right to the same respect, dignity, and set of rights as a citizen as yourself. I believe civil unions are separate but equal. We tried that once. I would not be opposed to civil marriage for all and religious marriage for those churches which allow it. Churches are not currently forced to marry any two people who walk through their doors with a license. That should not change. I think the communion thing is sad. It was her Mother's funeral. Who knows which other sinners were getting communion?? That said, I was raised Catholic and I have many friend and family who are Catholic. |