On "vacation" -- I want to throw DH's blackberry in the trash
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ThatSmileyFaceGuy
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She's using something to post here. On vacation I can aviod DCUM, work not so much. |
Anonymous
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I have come to realize that we all have a better vacation when we let DH spend a little time (sometimes he needs half and hour and sometimes he needs half a day) work on vacation. We make sure that we stay at places where he can get work done (cell signal for BB, internet connection, landline connection if overseas) and we build it into our day. Before kids, I would go and do a little window shopping in the morning, or see something that DH wasn't interested in, or go for a run. After kids, we go to the pool or the beach.
I am sure there are people who will criticize me for not making DH focus entirely on the family while away, but in reality he is only able to focus entirely on the family for the majority of the day if he is able to check in with work (he is a BigLaw partner) and make sure that the projects that he has going on are moving forward and that his clients are not having a crisis. This makes the whole vacation much more enjoyable for everyone because he can really relax. Also, I know what it feels like when he has colleagues and subordinates who go on vacation and drop off the face of the earth. Often what would have taken that person 10 minutes if they had been willing to call in will take the rest of the team hours because they are coming in late in the process to finish things and that person's vacation becomes a burden for everyone else. I never want my DH to be the cause of other people's ruined plans when with a little effort that can be avoided. If you choose to work in certain fields, you really just do need to accept that work is never entirely gone. I am a university professor. I work mainly by myself and can sometimes totally disconnect. But if a grad student is waiting for feedback or a friend needs me to get comments on their work to them right away, I make time on vacation. Family is really important, but we live within complex social systems and we need to think about the way that our actions and choices impact the lives of many different people within that system. |
Anonymous
If he's that busy, he's bringing in some money. So stop complaining. |
Anonymous
| Does your DH's blackberry allow you to SAH? If so, do not complain. |
Anonymous
Spoken like someone who's never needed to speak to someone on vacation. |
Anonymous
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Husband works in the finance sector and I own a small business. If we are on a family vacation we both leave the BB on the hotel safe. We check once in the morning and once at night. It took a lot of fighting to reach this stage. I love it, my husband still complains a lot....
ps. we do have "private" cell phones we keep by all the time in case family or a "true" work emergency arises. So far knock on wood it has never happened. Turns out we are really not that indispensable. |
Anonymous
Really? You think a husband gets a blank check regarding anything work related, because he makes enough money for her to have the privilege of staying at home? Don't forget that she stays at home, which allows him to pursue his career path without having to juggle child care demands the other 50 weeks of the year. OP, I have had those jobs and I have a wife who has one of those jobs. My career involved incident response, which is 24x7 and fast turnaround, and it was global so there was no off peak time. My wife's work is transaction related and involves negotiations with outside parties, who don't understand/care about vacation schedules. It can be tough, and sometimes there are critical issues that come up during a vacation, which sucks. But in general I would say this: 1. Big unavoidable work emergencies come up. But if there is one, you should know what it is and discuss as a couple how to handle it on vacation. 2. DH should plan in advance of his vacations to have a backup cover the fast turn-around emergencies. I start 1-2 weeks ahead in order to make sure they are up to speed on all projects. No planning = no plan. 3. Of course it's important to make sure that phone/email directs people to the backup. A message like "I will have limited access to email/voicemail" lets people know that they need to seek someone else out for the emergency. Having a backup does not good if clients/co-workers are unaware of his availability. 3. He probably is going to need to have a block of time each day to clear out some stuff, whether it's reading or responding to mail. But you should agree on a block of time for that to happen so that it does not intrude. Right now my wife has one of these jobs, and we would set aside time each day where I would either take the kids and go somewhere (pool/playground) or designate naptime/after bed and that was the time she can clear out the inbox. 4. Most important is that when he is with the family, he is fully present for the family. The kids won't miss 2-3 hours a day of his absence. But they rightfully get frustrated when he is not listening to them, all day long, because he is buried in his BB. Putting boundaries on email is good for the kids, and frankly even at work it is important to get out of the habit of letting your inbox rule your schedule. |
Anonymous
| Honestly, I love my husband's BB because it has allowed us to take more vacations. Before BB, he was always concerned about being gone too long or too frequently. Now with BB and wireless at the hotel, he can check in, do some things to help with or avoid a crisis, then we can go back to having fun. It has totally transformed our travel experience as he is much more relaxed knowing that everything back at the office is ok. |
Anonymous
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"Really? You think a husband gets a blank check regarding anything work related, because he makes enough money for her to have the privilege of staying at home? Don't forget that she stays at home, which allows him to pursue his career path without having to juggle child care demands the other 50 weeks of the year. "
Yes, as a matter of fact, I do. |
Anonymous
| DH and I have an agreement that while we're on vacation, he will check his email a couple times a day, at times that don't interfere with us having a good vacationy time. If what he finds in his email is something that needs more attention, we roll with that. He always puts up a vacation message indicating that he will be checking email sporadically and providing an alternate point of contact in his organization for people with urgent needs. |
Anonymous
| Just "misplace" his blackberry. That will teach him that life does indeed go on without him, and the world won't come to a screeching halt if he goes for a whole 2-3 hours without responding IMMEDIATELY to someone's mass e-mail that cc's 1000 people. |
Anonymous
That's manipulative and disrespectful. And, at least in our case, it wouldn't solve the problem. The day would then be derailed by looking for the BB, rather than checking email on it. |
Anonymous
This. The BB is a blessing and a curse, but at least it allows my DH to go out of town with us without being stressed out that something is spinning out of control at work. |
Anonymous
If you did that to me, I'd be tethered to a laptop or desktop. Is that what you want? This is such an ignorant post. You've obviously never had time sensitive high paid work. |
Anonymous
This is an important point. I have had plenty of vacations/weekends ruined by other people because they decided that their time off was much more important than mine and just checked out despite the fact that work still had to get done. |