why did you decide not to learn your baby's sex at the 20 week sono?

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[Post New]06/16/2011 17:35
Anonymous
Previous poster who found out at 12 wks--
Maybe it's different when you have had a bad loss. i didn't have the luxury of assuming that everything will be okay this time--have had a lot more on my mind than the gender this pregnancy. for me the real surprise is if the baby lives, at this point.
[Post New]06/16/2011 17:57
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Can't you be surprised at 20 weeks? I don't understand the argument that you "wanted to be surprised" and therefore had to be surprised at birth. Isn't it a joyous surprise whenever you find out? We were "surprised" at 20 weeks and surprised everyone else with the name in the birth announcement. To each her own.


There is a difference between someone telling you by looking on a screen, and you finding out yourself when you hold the baby and meet them for the first time. There is a difference between knowing during your pregnancy, and not knowing at all until the birthday.

Don't get your panties twisted, you know what people mean when they say that.

You are right, to each her own.



Actually, I honestly don't know, which is why I wrote that. I still don't see the difference about when you find out. Maybe that's why finding out at 20 weeks was so exciting for DH and I. And am not sure why my underware selection is even in your mind. You reply is exactly what's wrong with DCUrban Moms. People turn so negative on an anonymous forum even when someone is just being honest and trying to figure it all out. I'm 18 weeks now with DC2 and yes, will still find out in two weeks and be surprised. But thanks.
[Post New]06/16/2011 17:58
Anonymous
I can't believe anyone who has children can say "there are too few surprises in life." My girls surprise me everyday. Sometimes not good surprises.
[Post New]06/16/2011 18:49
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Can't you be surprised at 20 weeks? I don't understand the argument that you "wanted to be surprised" and therefore had to be surprised at birth. Isn't it a joyous surprise whenever you find out? We were "surprised" at 20 weeks and surprised everyone else with the name in the birth announcement. To each her own.


There is a difference between someone telling you by looking on a screen, and you finding out yourself when you hold the baby and meet them for the first time. There is a difference between knowing during your pregnancy, and not knowing at all until the birthday.

Don't get your panties twisted, you know what people mean when they say that.

You are right, to each her own.



Instead of making assumptions about others can't we all just celebrate being pregnant and being lucky enough to decide between finding out at 20 weeks and at birth? Congrats to all and good luck with healthy deliveries.
[Post New]06/17/2011 07:50
Anonymous
I'm a planner and we didn't find out at all. I too don't like the gender specific stuff - a pink stroller is way over the top. Plus I hope and pray for a second (struggling still with infertility), so I didn't want lots of one gender stuff for the first to then get other gender stuff for the second.

My ideal would have to be find out myself but not tell others. I did love how it drove my MIL nuts. She couldn't find out for her kids so I don't see what her fuss was: but it was a kick for me.
[Post New]06/17/2011 09:44
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:for us, it wasn't that we wanted to be surprised later rather than sooner. we waited for both kids because my husband had always envisioned hearing the midwife say: "it's a..." as the baby came out. and it turned out even better than that. my husband helped catch the baby, so he knew the sex when the midwife did and he's the one who announced it both times. i wouldn't trade that sort of news delivery for anything, particularly not for a random xray tech telling me that the alien looking thing on the screen is a boy or a girl. it was wonderful.


Wow. So you didn't get at all emotional when a "random x-ray tech" (nice respect for that career by the way!) allowed you to hear and see your baby's heartbeat for the first time at the first ultrasound? My husband and I cried a bit, both times, at seeing that first shot and hearing the heart beat.

Fine if you want the other experience but no way to denigrate others' experience.
[Post New]06/17/2011 11:22
Anonymous
We wanted to be surprised at the birth.
[Post New]06/17/2011 11:47
Anonymous
I did not find out with my first pregnancy and it made a very traumatic delivery more bearable because I still had that news coming. Also, I did not want to end up naming the baby before he/she arrived. My husband and I had a few names we were thinking about and finalized it based on the feeling we got after meeting our baby. This is just my thing, but I find it strange when people call their baby by their name while still in utero. But everyone feels differently, which is why it is nice to have choices.
[Post New]06/17/2011 13:34
Anonymous
This is a very interesting thread. We found out the first time and will probably find out the second time around, but still debating a bit. Oddly, I was more emotional at the u/s (in a good way) than during the delivery. Finding out was an incredibly special moment for me.

I really didn't bond with the baby or "feel" pregnant for quite awhile, and knowing the sex made a huge difference in that regard. I also experienced a tragedy in my life shortly after the ultrasound, and somehow knowing the sex and having that excitement to hold onto helped. But of course this isn't something we could have predicted.

It's interesting to me how many people who identify as control freaks chose not to find out. I too think of myself as a control freak and this is one reason it would be so hard for me to wait when I didn't have to.
[Post New]06/17/2011 13:45
Anonymous
For us, we knew there would be plenty of excitement on that day - we were meeting our baby that day after all! And the excitement and chaos of labor. And then deciding on and announcing the name, sending out those first pics and making those first calls.

About half way through pregnancy it's nice to get a little excitement - there is so much build up and anticipation but it it is a long, drawn out process - it's nice to have something definitive to lock onto about that time. That was how we decided anyway!
[Post New]06/17/2011 19:52
sybersus
Member Offline
Neither my husband nor I had a burning desire to know, and we thought that as a result, it would be more exciting for us to have it be a surprise. Plus, more incentive to push hard.

[Post New]06/17/2011 22:35
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:for us, it wasn't that we wanted to be surprised later rather than sooner. we waited for both kids because my husband had always envisioned hearing the midwife say: "it's a..." as the baby came out. and it turned out even better than that. my husband helped catch the baby, so he knew the sex when the midwife did and he's the one who announced it both times. i wouldn't trade that sort of news delivery for anything, particularly not for a random xray tech telling me that the alien looking thing on the screen is a boy or a girl. it was wonderful.


Wow. So you didn't get at all emotional when a "random x-ray tech" (nice respect for that career by the way!) allowed you to hear and see your baby's heartbeat for the first time at the first ultrasound? My husband and I cried a bit, both times, at seeing that first shot and hearing the heart beat.

Fine if you want the other experience but no way to denigrate others' experience.


not sure why you're getting so defensive. i'm not denigrating anyone. sure, i got emotional (so did my husband) when we saw a heart beat, but that has nothing to do with my point. my point was that i loved the way the news of my babies' sex was revealed to me. it was from my husband (who means the world to me) and a midwife (with whom i had developed a relationship for the past 30-odd weeks for the first and who, by the time we had #2, i had known for over two years) -- not some random xray tech. i mean random in the sense that i had no relationship with the woman and never saw her except for that 20 minutes or so at 20 weeks. the OP asked why people decided not to find out. i told her my reasons. you took offense. maybe you should have just moved along since you can't really add anything to help the OP understand why people wait.
[Post New]06/18/2011 08:13
Anonymous
LOL @ all these people getting mad because others have reasons to wait to find out the sex. You don't have to defend your choices- most people find out the sex so you are in the majority.

It's like people get so mad if someone does something different. What are you mad about? Nobody said that you are brainwashed, have a lack of self control, and missed out on a great bonding experience by using a medical device for your shopping purposes. People are just sharing their experiences. It has nothing to do with you and what you chose to do.

[Post New]06/18/2011 08:28
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:for us, it wasn't that we wanted to be surprised later rather than sooner. we waited for both kids because my husband had always envisioned hearing the midwife say: "it's a..." as the baby came out. and it turned out even better than that. my husband helped catch the baby, so he knew the sex when the midwife did and he's the one who announced it both times. i wouldn't trade that sort of news delivery for anything, particularly not for a random xray tech telling me that the alien looking thing on the screen is a boy or a girl. it was wonderful.


Wow. So you didn't get at all emotional when a "random x-ray tech" (nice respect for that career by the way!) allowed you to hear and see your baby's heartbeat for the first time at the first ultrasound? My husband and I cried a bit, both times, at seeing that first shot and hearing the heart beat.

Fine if you want the other experience but no way to denigrate others' experience.


not sure why you're getting so defensive. i'm not denigrating anyone. sure, i got emotional (so did my husband) when we saw a heart beat, but that has nothing to do with my point. my point was that i loved the way the news of my babies' sex was revealed to me. it was from my husband (who means the world to me) and a midwife (with whom i had developed a relationship for the past 30-odd weeks for the first and who, by the time we had #2, i had known for over two years) -- not some random xray tech. i mean random in the sense that i had no relationship with the woman and never saw her except for that 20 minutes or so at 20 weeks. the OP asked why people decided not to find out. i told her my reasons. you took offense. maybe you should have just moved along since you can't really add anything to help the OP understand why people wait.


I just found your tone rather self-righteous, that's it.
[Post New]06/18/2011 13:21
Anonymous
I didn't want to know but DH did. I just wanted the surprise, since they are otherwise so rare.

I was due in January, so we asked the sono tech to write it down and tape it up, and we stashed it away until Christmas morning, when we opened it with the other gifts. We always spend Christmas alone (or we used to--I expect loads of grandparents flying in this year...) so it was a fun way to make the morning more special for us. And it gave everyone a month to buy all the gender-specific stuff they wanted.

Nobody believed I could stand to have the answer tucked away in my house and not peek. I think my family thought we were doing it just to torture them. We saved the paper for the baby book.
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