why did you decide not to learn your baby's sex at the 20 week sono?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Previous poster who found out at 12 wks--
Maybe it's different when you have had a bad loss. i didn't have the luxury of assuming that everything will be okay this time--have had a lot more on my mind than the gender this pregnancy. for me the real surprise is if the baby lives, at this point.

I think it's different for everyone. My sister lost her first child and she chose to have the sex be a surprise at birth for the second. She didn't care about the sex, she just wanted a living child.

[Anonymous]

We found out the gender with all four of our babies (ultrasound @ 20 weeks, ultrasound @ 20 weeks, CVS @ 11 weeks, and ultrasound @ 16 weeks). We lost the middle two babies and I am very glad I know their gender, since I know so little else about them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I didn't want people to buy me stereotyped gendered clothes. I hate that stuff. I didn't want for *me* to be suckered into that stuff.

I wanted to meet my child with as few as possible expectations about what s/he would be like.

Yes! Exactly why we will not be finding out the sex of the baby.

[Anonymous]

Did not find out with #1 and are not finding out with #2 because: 1. The surprise thing - not to say that you are not surprised when you find out earlier - just that finding out at delivery feels like the 'ultimate' surprise. 2. I am somewhat superstitious/cautious and we had a loss before my son, and I just felt like if God forbid we had a loss again and later it would be harder if we knew the sex, picked a name etc. - I know that is morbid but that's just me. 3. A few people said such obnoxious things about how it affected THEM when 'people' didn't find out the sex and it just made me feel perfectly comfortable not knowing and not sharing... I know that's kind of a jerky reason but it just solidified my original position of not wanting to know. Good luck to you OP!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did not find out with #1 and are not finding out with #2 because: 1. The surprise thing - not to say that you are not surprised when you find out earlier - just that finding out at delivery feels like the 'ultimate' surprise. 2. I am somewhat superstitious/cautious and we had a loss before my son, and I just felt like if God forbid we had a loss again and later it would be harder if we knew the sex, picked a name etc. - I know that is morbid but that's just me. 3. A few people said such obnoxious things about how it affected THEM when 'people' didn't find out the sex and it just made me feel perfectly comfortable not knowing and not sharing... I know that's kind of a jerky reason but it just solidified my original position of not wanting to know. Good luck to you OP!

We opted to find out the sex before delivery with both babies, but I also refused to tell the name or commit to a name until the baby was born - same reason as you in that I felt like it would be jinxing it our something. And agree, it's no body's business what the sex or name is - it's not about them!

[Anonymous]

#1: Found out a 20w u/s.
#2: Chose not to find out, discovered on birth day.
#3: Decided we wanted another delivery room surprise; however, ultrasound tech inadvertently told us. DH and I decided not to tell anyone, didn't even tell anyone we knew! It was our little secret and just told people it was a surprise when they asked.

Far and away, I loved the second experience of a total surprise the best. But, to each her own. I completely think it's up to you and it's your experience, so enjoy it no matter how you choose to do it!