why did you decide not to learn your baby's sex at the 20 week sono?

[Anonymous]

This is coming up for me and I'm trying to weight the pros/cons.
I found out with my daughter, but thought it might be fun not to this time around.

Would be interested to know others' experiences.

Also, if you didn't find out at 20 weeks, but did before the birth, please share this account.

Thanks!

[Anonymous]

My answer probably doesn't matter because I did find out at 20 weeks--I was on the fence but DH really wanted to know. But I just wanted to say I can't think of any reason to notfind out at 20 weeks but to find out before the birth. The whoke point is to be surprised AT THE BIRTH. If you plan to find out before then, why not find out as soon as you can??

[Anonymous]

We went through IVF for DS -the whole process seemed to take the mystery out of things, so this was our way of reclaiming some of that. I loved learning the gender on the day he was born!

[Anonymous]

Because I feel like there are so few surprises in life and why not have a great one! I think it helped me through the last few weeks when you just want the baby OUT already. I also feel like when people tell me the sex of the baby and the name beforehand I am somewhat less excited when it actually arrives. I know that's weird, but it's true.

[Anonymous]

I loved the announcement on the day my daughter was born. I really can't say why I wanted to wait. I just did.

[Anonymous]

I agree with PP 11:21 - how many good surprises in life do we still have? We both didn't want to find out with DC#1.

With the 2nd, we were split. To compromise and because we knew we couldn't find out later - even if we wanted to, we had the tech write down on an card and seal in an envelope what the gender is. While we haven't opened it yet (at 29 weeks now), we know that at any time we can. And that's been a good way for us to handle it. Not sure if others have done that too.

[Anonymous]

I didn't find out with my first. Didn't want to with the second but the sonographer slipped. I am usually a control freak, but loved the idea of being surprised. I also felt like we weren't necessarily meant to know since for ages women didn't have the choice to find out. I had no preference on gender and really wanted that moment when the doctor announced "it's a boy" or "it's a girl". As an added bonus, I felt like very few people bought us clothing and stuff that we didn't truly need for our showers since there isn't that much gender neutral clothing. All our baby stuff other than clothes is gender neutral and I love that because I can reuse or pass along anything. I also find it more exciting when you don't know the gender/name/etc. in advance of other people's babies.

At first I was really bummed to find out what I am having the 2nd time around. The positive of that is I can better prepare DC#1 and DH and I never agree on names so this time we only have to come up with one we agree on.

[Anonymous]

Why my sister is glad she didn't: She already had a son and a daughter, so there was no need to "prep" (although, not really sure you need to anyway), she had clothes and gender-neutral accessories for both outcomes, and they thought the surprise would be fun. and it was--it was very exciting for them, as well as for the rest of the family to find out on the birth day.

Why I am glad we did: Once we knew the sex (this is our first) the whole experience seemed so much more real, and our baby became not just "the baby" but "she/her." Hard to explain, but we were on the fence, and we're both really glad we decided to find out. Possibly because at the 20 week appointment, we couldn't find out (uncooperative baby!) and had some extra time to think it over. Driving home after that appointment, we were happy our baby was healthy, but both realized how badly we wanted wanted to know! We found out at 26 weeks.

I think it's a personal choice that has both pros and cons for everyone. If you're undecided, why not wait... you can always find out later on in the pregnancy if you change your mind.

[Anonymous]

I like surprises. That, and the gender expectation beast. I figured the kid could wait until s/he was born to start dealing with stereotypes. He's now a fabulously well-adjusted 9 year old boy.

[Anonymous]

I didn't find out but I let the tech tell my partner. He's good at not letting things slip and I think he got a kick out of keeping it from me. Well I did find out when I was 32 weeks. I had to BEG him to tell me and he only agreed because I was supposed to have minor surgery the next week and I was completely distraught at the thought of having surgery while pregnant. Knowing what I was having was the only thing that cheered me up I still feel like it's kinda a surprise since I didn't hear it from the tech's mouth.

[Anonymous]

Our baby was a complete and unexpected surprise (we were both infertile and told nothing but IVF would get me pregnant). We decided one surprise (the biggest one of our lives) was enough so that's why we found out. But if the baby had been planned, we probably would've just waited.

[Anonymous]

I really thought we were having another boy. My husband's family makes boys. So I wanted to have another few months where I could think we were maybe having a girl. (Not that there's anything wrong with boys, I am crazy about my boy!) I knew I'd love a boy or a girl once they arrived, and a surprise is fun.

We had a girl. (We still sometimes call her him though!)

[Anonymous]

The sex of my baby was a surprise when I heard it at 12 weeks (CVS). Good enough for me.

[Anonymous]

There are few happy surprises in life and I want to embrace this one.

[Anonymous]

I didn't have a 20 week sono, or any other sono for that matter and I wasn't going to have one unless there was a medical reason.

Plus, the surprise was nice, but it was shocking how people could not/would not accept that we did not know the gender.