Letting your kids drink at home?

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[Post New]04/26/2011 15:49
Anonymous
There's serving your kids wine with dinner if you're having some, and then there is throwing a kegger with your kids' friends over. I don't think the "European approach" condones the kegger. Teaching your kids to respect alcohol and to recognize they don't really need it doesn't mean you teach them to binge drink or buy for them on demand. I know this thread may be led by a troll, but I just don't get the permissive parenting.

Is there anything you think you kids should be taught not to do?
[Post New]04/26/2011 15:51
Anonymous
dedicateddad wrote:I hate to agree with and therefore "feed the troll" per se but I'm afraid that I can't disagree with it. I think that perhaps the LSD is the only thing I would prefer to keep my kids away from and might not allow in my home but as a parent of twin 14 year old boys it began to make more sense for my wife and I to give them the basement area where they can have some friends over and do what they are going to do anyway...but now they have a safe place. We also RARELY purchase liquor for them...no reason for inexperienced kids to get alcohol poisoning...but we will buy them a case of beer and let them all get a little crazy and have no risk of them trying to get behind the wheel of a car or do something stupid.


My question to bring to the table is in regards to sex...our boys are really just getting interested in girls and we have taught them about being safe...what do you other parents think about providing condoms and a safe CLEAN place for the kids to experiment sexually...


What is wrong with you people? 8th graders or high school freshmen?
[Post New]04/26/2011 15:53
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:This is the original poster: I only buy the booze, I don't purchase anything illegal. However, if they want to do that on their own, my wife and I provide a safe environment where they won't be at risk of being arrested or even worse. Think twice before you judge, our system works. The kids are going to do it anyway, why not monitor it?


Buying beer or wine for underage kids is illegal. Moron.
[Post New]04/26/2011 15:53
dedicateddad
Member Offline
Anonymous wrote: My mom is European and had this same sort of mindset and I am really screwed up from it. She let my BF sleep over all the time and surprise, surprise, I ended up getting pregnant. I had to get an abortion, which was extremely traumatizing. To my mom even that was no big deal...her "have an abortion and have a party" mentality really f-ed me up...

To the dedicateddad, don't make the same mistakes. Talk to your kids, by all means, but don't go over the top with this.




And the "anonymous" complaint I made in the previous post was not directed at you! Thanks for giving me something to think about. The idea of being flippant about having an abortion is contrary to everything I believe in....it is a serious decision that is not to be taken lightly. That being said I would encourage my daughter to have an abortion if she had gotten pregnant at an early age...even though it can be emotionally devastating so can being a teen mom...but I am disturbed by the thought that anyone could put abortion and party in the same sentence!
[Post New]04/26/2011 15:56
Anonymous
dedicated, I could not agree more. It is not as if my wife and I are buying the kids poor-quality alcohol at a corner shop. We only shop at Whole Foods, and try to buy organic wines/liquor/beer in order to stay on the healthy side. Also, teens have to learn their limits, and we would rather have them safe at home than driving drunk or going to wild beer parties.

Nice touch by throwing in that it's organic, Troll. I like that.
[Post New]04/26/2011 15:58
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:Also, teens have to learn their limits, and we would rather have them safe at home than driving drunk or going to wild beer parties.


OP, I think you're the one who may need to learn limits...

BTW, parents who condone drinking raise kids who drink. Here's results from one little survey:

"If parents need more encouragement to speak to their children frankly, the survey broke down teen drinking results even further. Among students who said their parents thought drinking was acceptable, 79% reported drinking in the previous month. Among those who said their parents found teen drinking unacceptable, that number was 45%." Looks like the rate is 100% for your kids...
[Post New]04/26/2011 16:02
Anonymous
Frankly, I expected a more enlightened response from this community. My wife is from Belgium, and I did a semester abroad in France when I was in college, so maybe we're a little too exotic for this forum.

Our oldest is going to an Ivy League school in the fall, one is in advanced AP classes in high school, and our youngest wants to pursue a career in the military as an officer. I think they're pretty good kids, no different from anyone else's.
[Post New]04/26/2011 16:04
Anonymous
OK, here's a serious response. We do let our teenagers drink in our house - initially it was a half-glass of watered wine on Friday nights once they were Bar Mitzvah (we're Jewish obviously), now that they're closer to 18 if we're having wine with dinner they're welcome to have a glass too. BUT I would be seriously upset if I found out they were allowed to drink at a friend's house, in the basement, in larger quantities. I do discuss drinking with them - quite a bit - and I feel that another parent facilitating drinking beyond what we consider appropriate limits diminishes the impact of our message. If they choose to get liquor in shady ways, at least they'll also experience some healthy guilt.

Another thing for you to think about - I have friends who have multiple alcoholics in their families, and they have told their kids that they should not even be trying liquor until they are in their twenties, with more mature brains. If you allow them to drink at your house, are you first questioning them about any genetic disposition to alcoholism? Because again, you are sending a message which is the opposite to what their parents have sent (for very good reasons) and you may be causing problems you haven't even thought about.
[Post New]04/26/2011 16:05
dedicateddad
Member Offline
Actually the families that I am referring to in my Euro experiences were exactly like that. Maybe not every night, and I'm not advocating that either but from time to time if the kids were having a gathering the parents made sure that all the party favors were supplied and at least in the case of the Greeks that I lived with they would also make sure that there was a supply of marijuana so the kids wouldn't be out trying to buy from street dealers. I am sure I am not the only parent on this site that smokes pot...I might be the only one out talking about it but I know that the way I was buying drugs was way more risky in my teens than in my adult life....I can understand wanting to keep your kids from getting locked up over something harmless....like a beer party or wanting to smoke a doobie. I know I am using stupid terminology and everything to downplay the seriousness in this thread but really? If you found out that your kid's friend had a party for the end of the school year and the parents gave them a safe place to be themselves and experience things for themselves you would sue? You litigious people are more of what is wrong with the world than I am....but that's just my opinion and I can already feel a pretty serious backlash coming from this post...
[Post New]04/26/2011 16:30
dedicateddad
Member Offline
Anonymous wrote:OK, here's a serious response. We do let our teenagers drink in our house - initially it was a half-glass of watered wine on Friday nights once they were Bar Mitzvah (we're Jewish obviously), now that they're closer to 18 if we're having wine with dinner they're welcome to have a glass too. BUT I would be seriously upset if I found out they were allowed to drink at a friend's house, in the basement, in larger quantities. I do discuss drinking with them - quite a bit - and I feel that another parent facilitating drinking beyond what we consider appropriate limits diminishes the impact of our message. If they choose to get liquor in shady ways, at least they'll also experience some healthy guilt.

Another thing for you to think about - I have friends who have multiple alcoholics in their families, and they have told their kids that they should not even be trying liquor until they are in their twenties, with more mature brains. If you allow them to drink at your house, are you first questioning them about any genetic disposition to alcoholism? Because again, you are sending a message which is the opposite to what their parents have sent (for very good reasons) and you may be causing problems you haven't even thought about.



Thank you for the thoughtful and serious response....you have a pretty good system in your house. Better than most I would venture to say, and I do teach my kids about the dangers that persistent alcohol abuse pose. But frankly I am not of the belief that alcoholism is a valid disease....it is a fundamental lack of impulse control that usually transcends alcohol but almost always manifests itself in alcohol because of the numbing effects. When they are too wasted to care then "the alcoholic" gets what they wanted....no, not drunk. They got away from responsibility and guilt and that is habit forming like crazy!
[Post New]04/26/2011 16:33
Anonymous
16:04

I allow my DCs to drink in my home (they are 16 and 19), with or without friends present.

The entire logic behind my "permissive" approach is that it prevents my children from going out and engaging in riskier behaviors by presenting a more enjoyable (and vastly safer) alternative. If I were to bar their friends from the festivities, or demand some sort of parental approval, I would undermine that purpose and send my kids straight back out into the night.

So, sorry, but I'm not going to do that. If you are unable to discipline your teens such that they would drink under my roof, well, that's between you and your kids, isn't it? Demanding that I risk the well being of MY children so that I can help you raise yours? No thanks.

And to those who would sue over your son or daughter having a few beers? Get over yourselves. In any case, it's no concern of mine -- I'd far rather find myself in a courtroom facing your sorry little civil suit than in a morgue, identifying my children's bodies.
[Post New]04/26/2011 16:55
dedicateddad
Member Offline
Anonymous wrote:16:04

I allow my DCs to drink in my home (they are 16 and 19), with or without friends present.

The entire logic behind my "permissive" approach is that it prevents my children from going out and engaging in riskier behaviors by presenting a more enjoyable (and vastly safer) alternative. If I were to bar their friends from the festivities, or demand some sort of parental approval, I would undermine that purpose and send my kids straight back out into the night.

So, sorry, but I'm not going to do that. If you are unable to discipline your teens such that they would drink under my roof, well, that's between you and your kids, isn't it? Demanding that I risk the well being of MY children so that I can help you raise yours? No thanks.

And to those who would sue over your son or daughter having a few beers? Get over yourselves. In any case, it's no concern of mine -- I'd far rather find myself in a courtroom facing your sorry little civil suit than in a morgue, identifying my children's bodies.



I agree with you pretty much wholeheartedly...well...not so much drinking without their friends around. I want to open up the world of the social drinker and show them responsibility in my own actions when I am entertaining guests. We had a bar b q on Easter and one of our neighbors became visibly intoxicated and my 14 year old kids were ready to jump in and help him out. They weren't like the other neighborhood kids who were laughing and talking about how funny it was, they were trying to help him out. When I was there age I would have just followed my neighbor around and waited for him to set his drink down so I could sneak drinks from him!!
[Post New]04/26/2011 17:00
Anonymous
Hahaha! This is not real. Easy to tell.
[Post New]04/26/2011 17:07
Anonymous
PP seems to be under the influence of hallucinogens. Parents, beware his house.
[Post New]04/26/2011 17:13
dedicateddad
Member Offline
Whether or not the thread started out real...there are at least a couple people here trying to have a discussion about the topic the troll brought up.
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