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Elementary School-Aged Kids
Letting your kids drink at home?
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Anonymous
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Ok instead of brow beating lets just actually look at the behavior (disclaimer: I am not a parent, but am a 24 year old graduate student who was allowed to drink at home, in the basement, with friends. I will be the first to tell you that if I had not been doing it there, I would have been elsewhere, which by the way we frequently did. party at the park? pool hopping? friends parents out of town? These things really do happen).
Why is teen drinking such a big deal? Not because kids are drinking but the way kids are drinking. Is it really the availability of alcohol? I would argue no. In fact I would argue that it is more a product of strict parents saying absolutely not and then turning around to have a drink. It looks fun, it looks adult, and kids have to experiment without any guidance. If they have to hide it they may take the opportunities they DO get to binge. I would say that the intentions are not off as long as parents are aware that that is your mentality. I don't think you should have to call them, I think if they are so concerned these are questions they should be asking YOU when you both discuss the kids sleeping over. You are entitled to your own beliefs as long as you don't lie to parents for the kids. As for having them be in the basement, I would encourage you to treat drinking as a privilege. Be a frequent presence in the basement so your child learns that drinking in moderation is rewarded by having that privilege and binge drinking/getting wasted makes that privilege go away. If grades slip, no more privilege, if chores aren't done, no more privilege. You'd be amazed at what a motivator a little bit of respect is! That way they can learn to control themselves while drinking, and may even end up being great role models for the kids of these strict judgmental parents when they are in college funneling everything they can get their hands on! |
Anonymous
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Reasons not to provide alcohol to your child:
1.There's an interesting article out about permissive alcohol use in homes and increased risk of alcohol related events such as blackouts and fights. http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-1381379/Letting-children-drink-home-makes-teens-likely-develop-alcohol-problems.html?ito=feeds-newsxml 2. It's illegal. http://www.dontserveteens.gov/realstories.html There are some great examples here if you'd like check them out. Lastly, there is no trauma center at Georgetown (just an ER). Washington Hospital Center, yes. Howard, yes. |
Anonymous
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"Lastly, there is no trauma center at Georgetown (just an ER). Washington Hospital Center, yes. Howard, yes. "
Tee hee. |
Anonymous
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Rockville law: Sec. 13-53. A person may not profanely curse and swear or use obscene language upon or near any street, sidewalk or highway within the hearing of persons passing by, upon or along such street, sidewalk or highway.
Do you follow the law to the letter? In New Orleans, it is legal for someone under 21 to drink in their parents presence, because there they respect the parents right to make parenting choices. Clearly not so here... |
Anonymous
Did your mother abuse drugs when you were in utero? |
Anonymous
Are you related to Cliff Claven? |
Anonymous
LOL at believing something written by some foreigner. We are in the United States lady. |
Anonymous
| Coming late to this party and utterly flabbergasted. You "dads" realize your children are not mini adults, right? You are not their friends. 14-year-olds don't metabolize alcohol the same way that you do and the fact that you think it's okay to provide them with alcohol and the place to drink it is unbelievable. Grow up and please don't invite anybody else's kids over for a drink. |
Anonymous
| 16:27 Please remember this thread when your child goes off to rehab or fails out of college because they had no concept of responsible drinking. I hope that is the worst thing that happens when they are out binge drinking because of their uptight parental units. |
Anonymous
| I know parents like OP. They are out there. There are more than a few parents who serve alcohol like this. |
Anonymous
Believe me, I'm far from uptight. Crazy liberal here who, nonetheless, believes in responsible parenting for my young teenagers. BTW - I'm not talking about sharing an occasional glass of wine at dinner with them - but the irresponsible behavior reported here, encouraging drinking at home with other young kids so they "learn" how to drink and do drugs. That is not responsible. Your belief that lack of drinking while young results in binge drinking later just isn't accurate. I also think it's kind of funny to believe that just because you're supplying them alcohol and/or pot at home that they are not out there doing it in other places. |
Anonymous
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If your kids aren't out drinking, then that is great. I'm glad they don't have to face those difficult decisions. 14 is a little young, agreed. But having a senior in high school have a party where people will be drinking when an adult is present and no cars are involved seems like a MORE responsible decision, not less. It's the parents who demand to be completely hands off and pretend it isn't happening as they leave their kids home while they are away and have 20 drunk teens driving away from their house at 3 am that worries me. Think back to your craziest high school party. Was it the one where the parents were there? Because mine sure wasnt...
FYI teaching your kids about having a glass of wine at dinner among primarily adults is not contextually relevant and the behaviors learned there aren't likely to translate to the adolescent social world. When is the last time you saw two teenagers sharing a glass of merlot over a delicious meal and talking politics? Teaching them how to make good decisions and behave responsibly in the context that it will be occurring when you are no longer there to guide them is not the same thing as encouraging drinking and not as irresponsible as you want to make it sound. |
Anonymous
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This guy came to the forum for an open discussion, not a lecture from parents who have no ability to consider different parenting strategies? Interesting I bet your kids feel equally as unable to express what they are really going through with you considering your tendency toward judgements...
So who is the worse parent? The one whose kids are open and honest about what they are doing and accept guidance? Or the kid whose over at the house whose parents have NO idea what they are doing and the kid doesn't feel comfortable enough to tell them. Is it really this guys responsibility to inform you, or your kids? If you feel it is everyone else's, you are better off slipping your kid some antabuse so they CANT drink. Then you don't have to worry about them, or judge the other parents. You'll just know they are vomiting their guts out because their parents couldn't be open enough with them. But on the bright side, I doubt they'll want to drink anymore.... |
Anonymous
| 19:29, your post doesn't make a lot of sense. It's not that black and white. If I don't condone my kids drinking at home it doesn't mean they run to somebody else's house to drink. As a matter of fact, so far, my kid does feel comfortable telling me what is going on. My kid has been to parties where a parent is home and the kids were drinking and getting high. I was appalled that the parent would let this happen. When did it become a bad thing to set limits for your children? A 14-year-old is a child. I wonder what the motivation is of the parents who are letting this happen. I doubt it is because of some belief that their child is better off, I think it's because they want to be the 'cool' parent. |
Anonymous
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I won't make assumptions about your child, and you shouldn't make assumptions about other parents motivations. It is fine that you don't agree with other parents parenting strategies, everyone is entitled to that and you don't have to let your child attend functions at that house. Maybe your child doesn't run to other people's houses to drink, and thats wonderful that you don't have to deal with that. He sounds like a very respectable kid. But the reality is many adolescents are looking for any opportunity to party they can, and many will lie to their parents to do it, even when the parents think that they would tell them what they are doing/feeling. Lets imagine your child was one of these kids (or maybe perhaps the original poster's kid was) who might be pressured into taking the opportunity to experiment with alcohol in dangerous places or risk getting in a car with a peer that had been drinking. Would you really be so judgmental about the parent who was so concerned that they'd rather be there to supervise incase something went seriously wrong?
It sounds like you have a great kid and thats wonderful that he is open with you. But I'd be interested if the parents who are struggling with the fact that they are aware that their kid is drinking regularly and have had trouble with how to stop it share your opinion. Please don't confuse the desire to be cool with the desire to protect your teenager. |