Stay in mediocre relationship or risk being alone?
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Anonymous
It's not "the dating world" at 50. It's being 50. Part of you is mature. And oddly part of you is pretty immature ... "deep emotional connection". I doubt your husband would be -now- what you say, if he were right in front of you today. |
Anonymous
Definitely not. I like being with someone and having a companion and I would be unhappy on my own. But this is not the soulmate long-term relationship that I wanted and dreamed of, the deep connection with someone in my "old "years. |
Anonymous
| I'm in your position except 10 years younger, and I've decided to stay put. I'm very pessimistic about finding someone better, and I absolutely want a partner (despite being an independent introvert). It is demoralizing to always wonder if I could have found someone more intellectually stimulating, but then I remember how few men I find physically attractive, and they'd have to be attracted to me too, and we'd have to be able to live together compatibly, and it just seems too great a risk to give up what I have. |
Anonymous
I am coming to the realization that you can feel very lonely even sitting in the room with your partner, taking trips with them, talking about the news, whatever. Cut and run. No need to settle. I'm older than you and I'm not giving up. |
Anonymous
I hate to say this but this post is starting to get to something I am feeling from your posts. No one is going to hit all the magical marks of your beloved dead husband. If he were here, he would be human and doing things that annoying and you would not have a 100% connection. You have to stop comparing this guy to your husband. |
Anonymous
| If you want deep conversations hire a therapist once a week. |
Anonymous
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Anonymous
| He sounds like a friend with benefits. It's too bad you live together because that makes it difficult to find someone else that is more what you are looking for. |
Anonymous
| NP. The question is if you will get tired of him, if he will start annoying you. "Easy companionship" can descend into irritation very easily. |
NYC212718
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I've been divorced for over 15 years, had a few short relationships since.
I think the most important thing is to be happy with yourself ALONE. I'm not talking about loneliness which can exist even if you're with someone, I'm talking about being ALONE and HAPPY. Being alone and happy IS my anchor and my peace. It helps me realize that any man I now let into my life needs to ADD to my peace and not take away from it. Settling is not an option for me. There are things I require, and I know it's not too much for me to ask. I'm not looking for a perfect man per se, but I am looking for a self aware man who TRIES to see outside of his own lens to make sure I'm getting my needs met as well. Honestly, men aren't hard to please, but women are hard to please based on the fact that most men don't have much emotional IQ. That is something they must work on in order to date me. And until then I will remain single and happy alone. I don't have to energy to raise a man to be an emotionally available man. That is something that must come from himself within, and I am worth it. This is just my take. I have settled in the past and I simply don't have the energy for that. Why should I pour energy into a man who can't pour energy into me? |
NYC212718
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I don't think it's wrong to want your partner to want to have deep conversations with. Telling someone to have those talks with a therapist is really dismissive. |
Anonymous
| Men are a dime a dozen. Why do you think you would have a problem finding a better match. |
Anonymous
Finding a good man is harder |
Anonymous
| Hi OP. So sorry for your loss. Widow here too. My husband was not the most emotionally available person, and I do miss his companionship. A few years into the dating scene now in my late 40s, I'm finding the dating pool meager at best. I think the man you are with has some good qualities, but he will not and should not be your everything. If he is decent with travel, companionship, and finances, and he is an overall good guy, I think this is a good relationship. Find the deep conversations with friends and others capable of having them. Accept him for all that he is. Neither of you will likely change much. If you can accept his lack of emotional connection and satisfy your need for emotional connection with friends, ask yourself if the relationship is then sustaining. If not, you know what you should do sooner rather than later. |
Anonymous
| OP, do you not love him? I get that there isn’t an intellectual connection but if there isn’t an emotional connection that you are friends with benefits. Sounds like you want more. Why not break up and see what else is out there? YOLO |