Kids don’t want to do anything with me! Feeling guilty doing things alone

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[Post New]07/09/2024 07:42
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Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:Yes, they have phones but I do have have screen time limits for summer and socials media for two hours daily.


Then they are probably wanting to loaf around and text all day, when they are done baking cookies.m
[Post New]07/09/2024 07:45
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Anonymous
Do you have friends? Go out with them!

Like others have suggested, do one family outing a week, let them have a say in what you do (maybe you each alternate choosing so you do have a voice also) and let it go, this is a season in your life. This is totally normal and actually good for them. My teen stays home too much because of social anxiety and I wish they would go out more, but I can’t force them. I could use more alone time and don’t get it, so I’m envious of you on two levels. But I know the grass is always greener on the other side. I hope that you find a balance this summer.
[Post New]07/09/2024 07:47
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Anonymous
At that age I found it easier. Now at 17 it is very hard to find something ds wants to do as a family.
[Post New]07/09/2024 11:45
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Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:I have an 12 and 13 year old. Boy and girl. Both kids enjoy hanging out with their friends, playing outside with neighbors and engaging in an independent activities. They have always been more independent and a little bit more socially mature than other children their age. The phase that is killing me now right now is that they do not want to hang out with me or do family stuff together. It is a real struggle. Especially this summer since I am not working and have time at home. I do not want to sit at home and do nothing but often times my children this summer want to just stay at home, organize their rooms, watch movies, bake etc. I want them to go to museums with me, or to the pool or mini golf or whatever. We have been doing these things maybe once or twice a week together but often times they do not want to go. I would like to do these things every day instead of just sitting at home. These are the things I enjoy and instead of just staying home I have been engaging some of these activities by myself but I feel incredibly guilty. Do I just make the children go with me? They are fine at home and enjoy this time and like I said, they get rides from friends to go other places with their friends and will play outside and ride bikes with the neighbors that are also home. No, they are not involved in any camps. Is this normal. Should I force time together?


I def "force" family time but force is in quotes b/c my kid generally enjoys them and time with us. This is not b/c I or my DH are special but we've always done a LOT of things together throughout childhood and growing up. It's understood DC is part of a family and family spends time together. Now that DC is older, we make a lot of space for activities, friend time, etc. so not spending as much time together (sniff, sniff) but that is what they are supposed to be doing at 16, 17, 18, and up. But, yes, we still do things we all enjoy: time on the water, SUP'ing, waterparks/themeparks, working out, movies and concerts, etc.
[Post New]07/09/2024 16:01
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Anonymous
Thanks again everyone . We are all going mini golfing tonight (kids are both bringing friends and this part motivated them).
[Post New]07/09/2024 19:05
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Anonymous
Once or twice a week seems pretty good to me! I guess my bar is much lower.
[Post New]07/09/2024 22:08
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Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:I have an 12 and 13 year old. Boy and girl. Both kids enjoy hanging out with their friends, playing outside with neighbors and engaging in an independent activities. They have always been more independent and a little bit more socially mature than other children their age. The phase that is killing me now right now is that they do not want to hang out with me or do family stuff together. It is a real struggle. Especially this summer since I am not working and have time at home. I do not want to sit at home and do nothing but often times my children this summer want to just stay at home, organize their rooms, watch movies, bake etc. I want them to go to museums with me, or to the pool or mini golf or whatever. We have been doing these things maybe once or twice a week together but often times they do not want to go. I would like to do these things every day instead of just sitting at home. These are the things I enjoy and instead of just staying home I have been engaging some of these activities by myself but I feel incredibly guilty. Do I just make the children go with me? They are fine at home and enjoy this time and like I said, they get rides from friends to go other places with their friends and will play outside and ride bikes with the neighbors that are also home. No, they are not involved in any camps. Is this normal. Should I force time together?



You're a grown woman. You should either get job or find your own friends.
[Post New]07/09/2024 22:28
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Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I have an 12 and 13 year old. Boy and girl. Both kids enjoy hanging out with their friends, playing outside with neighbors and engaging in an independent activities. They have always been more independent and a little bit more socially mature than other children their age. The phase that is killing me now right now is that they do not want to hang out with me or do family stuff together. It is a real struggle. Especially this summer since I am not working and have time at home. I do not want to sit at home and do nothing but often times my children this summer want to just stay at home, organize their rooms, watch movies, bake etc. I want them to go to museums with me, or to the pool or mini golf or whatever. We have been doing these things maybe once or twice a week together but often times they do not want to go. I would like to do these things every day instead of just sitting at home. These are the things I enjoy and instead of just staying home I have been engaging some of these activities by myself but I feel incredibly guilty. Do I just make the children go with me? They are fine at home and enjoy this time and like I said, they get rides from friends to go other places with their friends and will play outside and ride bikes with the neighbors that are also home. No, they are not involved in any camps. Is this normal. Should I force time together?



You're a grown woman. You should either get job or find your own friends.


Ouch. I do have friends! And we hang but they have younger children and this are always around their children or planning activities with their children which made me question my own choices. I do have a job. I don’t have to work this summer but I’m still getting paid. Imagine that!
[Post New]07/09/2024 22:31
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Anonymous
It's really hot out. Maybe that is playing into their reluctance? I sure as heck don't want to play putt putt in this weather.
[Post New]07/09/2024 22:33
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Anonymous
I don't think I hung out with my parents much at that age. I hung out with cousins and friends my own age. Maybe my mom and aunt and cousins and I would shop or go to a movie together but the aunts were socializing together and the kids were socializing together. We did eat meals together however. Do you do that?
[Post New]07/09/2024 22:38
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Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:Tweens and teens are more focused on their peers than their parents. Their behavior is developmentally appropriate and you should enjoy your solo outings with zero guilt.


+1000

It’s normal.
[Post New]07/10/2024 07:48
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trippy
Member Offline
Hey i’d say this is just apart of growing up. It’s fairly common. Especially when kids are entering the tween/teen years. Time goes by so fast, and i’ve been told by my parents, to hold on to every memory. This is normal behavior, sometimes it’s just hard to step back a bit. That being said, maybe ask to play monopoly or clue, go to the movies, there’s a new spy museum, maybe a fair or the circus? Ask if there’s something they might want to do. Bumper cars, go carting, go get fro yo. I promise you from wha you’ve said there’s no need to worry or feel guilty.
[Post New]07/10/2024 11:39
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Anonymous
It's pretty normal, they like their home worlds a lot around that age. Sounds like they're keeping busy teen style (ie not depressed) so I would leave it. I do weekday outings myself but invite them most of the time, and most weekends we do one family thing. We do less pool and museum and more coffee shop for dessert, thrift store and ice cream, etc. The pool especially seems to feel too kiddish to them. They like festivals and community events sometimes, and farmers markets sometimes. They also like water activities, obstacle courses, indoor rock climbing.
[Post New]07/10/2024 14:27
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Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:I don't think I hung out with my parents much at that age. I hung out with cousins and friends my own age. Maybe my mom and aunt and cousins and I would shop or go to a movie together but the aunts were socializing together and the kids were socializing together. We did eat meals together however. Do you do that?


Yes, we eat dinner nightly together most nights except sports two days a week and if they have plans with friends. Breakfast and lunch occasionally.
[Post New]07/10/2024 14:37
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Anonymous
It is the age, and for some, it will pass. My daughter was like that but after 16 she started enjoying outings with me or DH again.
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