Kids don’t want to do anything with me! Feeling guilty doing things alone

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have an 12 and 13 year old. Boy and girl. Both kids enjoy hanging out with their friends, playing outside with neighbors and engaging in an independent activities. They have always been more independent and a little bit more socially mature than other children their age. The phase that is killing me now right now is that they do not want to hang out with me or do family stuff together. It is a real struggle. Especially this summer since I am not working and have time at home. I do not want to sit at home and do nothing but often times my children this summer want to just stay at home, organize their rooms, watch movies, bake etc. I want them to go to museums with me, or to the pool or mini golf or whatever. We have been doing these things maybe once or twice a week together but often times they do not want to go. I would like to do these things every day instead of just sitting at home. These are the things I enjoy and instead of just staying home I have been engaging some of these activities by myself but I feel incredibly guilty. Do I just make the children go with me? They are fine at home and enjoy this time and like I said, they get rides from friends to go other places with their friends and will play outside and ride bikes with the neighbors that are also home. No, they are not involved in any camps. Is this normal. Should I force time together?

Is this a Troll post?

The above mix sounds great. And you don’t even mention screen addiction problems.

[Anonymous]

Adding - my kids are 14 and 16 and like to shop with me (thrifting especially as I recognize all the good y2k stuff bc I used to own it), getting nails done, and sometimes I can get them to come to the dog park with me.

Your son might be interested in the gym together.

I agree with more 1 on 1.

[Anonymous]

I mean your daughter might enjoy the gym too - sorry did not mean to imply anything there

[Anonymous]

Let then choose an activity and invite a friend or two. It might not be your first choice of activity - mine would go for escape rooms, indoor rock climbing, or tubing - but it gets you all out of the house AND they get to have fun with friends.

Also, I would do this with one kid at a time, each once or twice a week. They can invite more friends that way, not have to share everything with the sibling, not have to do the things their sibling likes but they don't, and you get out twice as much as they do .

[Anonymous]

I’m one of the PPs and my son likes to look at cars. It’s not my favorite choice of an activity but he is very happy going to one of those massive car lots, new or used and browsing so I do it with a smile. This is an example of a one on activity, that and a fast food lunch of his choosing. What are your kids into? Outings change as they get older.

[Anonymous]

^ and yes, he often brings a friend and I listen to them both talk all about the cars at lunch. It’s nice to get to know his friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thank you PPS, I went out and did some things by myself ( walked and went to hit some golf balls at the range). Daughter went to friends house and then practice for her travel sport and son and I played piano and made dinner together when I got back. That was nice and I’m feeling less stressed. All of my friends and their children (who are a little bit younger still in early and elementary) will do everything together all the time, hence the guilt. Sometimes when I tell my friends that I’m heading out to the pool without the kids, they act shocked like it’s strange for me to be going by myself, so that’s why I was thinking maybe I need to force my kids to do some of these things but if they are happy, healthy and they engaged with friends and their activities or just staying at home watching TV or reading a book then I can be fine with that too. My real issue is that I compare my parenting choices to those around me too often and always second-guess myself. My children are just different and don’t require as much hands-on. But I do miss spending the time and will find ways to make that happen without stressing myself or everyone else out in the process. Appreciate the helpful feedback.

I guarantee some of those parents are jealous.

[Anonymous]

What you’re describing sounds likes the holy grail to me, OP. I’d love a summer where I could go off to do my own thing while knowing the kids will act responsibly on their own. Cherish the moment and take advantage of it!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a teacher with a son the same age and I would describe him the same way. I think 1-2 times a week as you have been doing is a great compromise. I also love going to museums and things by myself so that part doesn't bother me. My thing is that is he is reasonably happy, getting some exercise daily and not on the screens past my limit (2 hours in summer) his summer is free for him to enjoy as he wishes. Reframe it as being proud that they are independent and trustworthy that you feel you can do these things alone!
I feel like kids this age are like housecats, the more you try to get their attention and approval the more they shy away. If you let them know you're open and then do your thing they may join more often.

That cat thing is so true!

[Anonymous]

You need to bake with them and watch the movies they want to see. Meet them where they are. Do you know how many times I had to go get Starbucks when my DD was 12-14?!

[Anonymous]

Do they have phones? If they do, that is likely why they want to mostly stay home. If they don’t, or have firm limits set on them, and they were truly staying home to read and ride bikes with neighbors, and bake, that would be amazing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do they have phones? If they do, that is likely why they want to mostly stay home. If they don’t, or have firm limits set on them, and they were truly staying home to read and ride bikes with neighbors, and bake, that would be amazing.

Busted!

[Anonymous]

I think you need to get a life. I bet they also hate it that you are always home! Go somewhere without them!

[Anonymous]

Wait until they’re 15, they’ll never want to spend time with you.

[Anonymous]

Yes, they have phones but I do have have screen time limits for summer and socials media for two hours daily.