Bad Art Friend
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Anonymous
I've wondered about that. Did they encourage her to sue, not realizing what it would mean for them? Or was Larson's lawsuit an unpleasant surprise? |
shan1212
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Well who's to know, of course, but my guess is that the same foibles that led Larson to make so many poor choices here would translate into her not having the guts to tell her friends that their emails were now part of a court case. You'd think at least one of them would bothered to read them back in February or whenever they were submitted, and that would have caused a whole thing among the group. So then Becky Tuch wouldn't be saying, oh wow, I had no idea what the real story was now. But I'm making a lot of assumptions. Who knows. If she did tell them, I'm sure it was in a "OMG you guys will not believe what I had to do because of this crazy stalker lady" way. I'm not a lawyer and I haven't really understood the debate that's going on here, but I have previously mentioned my desire not to dehumanize anyone (I'm the one with the school board story). I try so hard in my daily life not to hate even people who really caused a lot of harm directly to me (thinking of something I'm not willing to share here that was a personal trauma). So that makes me curious about how wrapped up in this case I am. We primates bond in certain ways, and we enforce social mores in certain ways. I don't want to get sucked into some kind of instinct to run off the bonobo that the pack leader doesn't like, or to be the pack leader, or whatnot. What's refreshing about Dawn is her healthy relationship with her own trauma and shame. She didn't go to divinity school for nothing. When I see Celeste Ng posturing the way that she is, I think she's dealing with her own insecurities. I don't read her actions as malice and cruelty. I read her actions as a kid on the playground saying, "Nanny nanny boo boo, you can't hurt my feelings!" And that gives me a certain level of sympathy for her, which doesn't mitigate the harm she's caused (not least of all to the disabled and donor communities) but at least exists alongside it. ETA: I also read Larson as deeply insecure. My oldest just started middle school and I'm trying to figure out how to teach her to stand up for herself while also understanding that hurt people hurt people. Today a pack of girls found her placing sticky notes with positive affirmations around the bathroom. They said, "What the f*ck is this sh*t?" and they tore down all her sticky notes and threw them in the trash. My kid hid in a stall until they left and then pulled them out of the trash. One of them came back in and caught her, and she stood her ground and said, "These are nice messages for people. Why aren't you happy for people to read nice things?" A big crowd gathered until the PE teacher intervened. Oh my word, these things are so hard. This pack of girls almost certainly comes from a public housing unit and have had very different experiences than my daughter. I want her to teach her that people's cruelty isn't about her -- it's about them. But also, I want her to stand up for herself, but not if it will get her beat up. All this is to say that hurt people hurt people, and they still deserve compassion. But you can feel that compassion over here on the other side of your firm boundary that doesn't allow them to harm you. |
Anonymous
Thank you to whoever posted this Arthur Chu thread— I needed to read it. He’s talking about something so important that gets glossed over all the time in our culture. I’ve been through this and yes— people do not understand what it means to “let it go” when you’ve been harmed in this way. It all resonated, but this is the thesis and I just want to put it here for anyone else who needs to hear it: https://twitter.com/arthur_affect/status/1448821135706001445?s=21 |
Anonymous
| That's a great thread. Agree that it covers a lot of the issues associated with "let it go." |
Anonymous
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I really like Arthur Chu!! I have discovered him because of Bad Art Friend.
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Anonymous
I’m a Jeopardy! freak so I know him from that, and that he periodically burns himself on social media. He’s had some raw takes - well, one - that I agree with. I posted the thread, and I was legit moved by his insight. It takes some depth and some feeling to make the argument against “let it go,” to defend the essential dignitary value of a person not agreeing to say she, too, erred — when she absolutely didn’t. It impresses me. |
Anonymous
| Arthur Chu's commentary on this has been 100% on point. |
Anonymous
Yes, I am a huge new fan. |
Anonymous
+1! Another DP |
Anonymous
This is because of the unethical and misleading story by Kolker and the NYT. They misrepresented the timeline and in the process damaged their reputations. |
Anonymous
Ew can Sonya just stay out of Asheville? She doesn’t deserve it. It is a kind place. |
Anonymous
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This comment, by Elizabeth Alexander in the NY times comments section, nails it:
"In my own career as a composer I often encounter creators of music who are overeager, insecure, clingy, pushy, boastful, inappropriately chummy, and downright annoying. I know many who seek affirmation on social media on a regular basis. Their solicitations for encouragement can be cloying. At times, I distance. At times, I wince. But honestly, the intense pain underneath their actions is so nakedly apparent that I can’t imagine adding to it by making fun of them. If music and art don’t lead us to becoming more compassionate people, it has failed at its most important task." |
Anonymous
Re Dorland? Doesn’t seem to (have you only read the NYT article?) Don’t know about Larson. Not a “nailed it” comment, especially given how patronizing it is. |
Anonymous
After reading that thread, which starts so memorably with the “Dig two graves” maybe Confucius quote I’d never heard (“Before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves.”) I decided that (1) I want to hear his story of pain and desperation, and (2) he is obviously the best writer among all those we’ve been discussing. |