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It is jaw-dropping how many of our sons and daughters graduating next month do not have FT job offers. Many with offers are now having their start dates moved later/staggered. Not saying this to alarm anyone, just to say to the poster your son is in good company.
I would be pretty freaked out if I got that email. Most of us would fire off a reply we might later regret. But it sounds like you're looking to take the high road and truly support your daughter and whoever wrote this. I might write the person back with a sincere apology and thanks for bringing it to your attention. Nothing questioning her...short and sweet. I would not bring up the email right away to your daughter. There's plenty of time for that. But I would consult with folks you trust at the school and a counselor for children your daughter's age. Your daughter may be going through something. Why take a chance on that?
I'm so sorry you're going through this. Suicide is so scary and we can't get the normal community support.

Sounds like DH's depression is so serious that it lead to an affair. Without the affair, he's even more destabilized. Is suicide something that has happened before in his family? This can be really hard to find out. But that's usually the "why".

Whether or not to hospitalize is a really tough call and best left to a clinician, medical or mental health professional. Please don't put that burden on yourself. One of the psychiatrists I work with told me about IPAC, part of Inova Fairfax. It's an urgent care for adult psychiatry. Same-day psychiatric assessment and medication management, which is what folks mostly get when they're hospitalized. Regular business hours, not 24-7. For others possibly reading this, not for teens. Lots of highly trained psychiatry interns and residents: https://www.inova.org/locations/inova-psychiatric-assessment-center-ipac

Medication a must (it does wonders).
At least 2x a week individual therapy. Medication provider will likely have people to refer to and there's always Psychology Today.

For work, I'd maybe recommend talking to a lawyer. The Women's Center, I believe, has lawyers who will give free consultations.

I have not read every word of the comments as I'm in the car now, but if you are not, I really hope you give yourself some time in therapy to process this and learn how to support DH and the kids. It's a lot and at a certain point friends can only do so much. You've got this.
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