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Anonymous wrote:I send cards to siblings and siblings in law. I also text the siblings in law and call my siblings. I don't think it's necessary though, but it's something I like to do. I try to pick out funny cards, so then we both get a laugh.
People still call for bdays? Lol pretty sure I just text friends and whatnot for bdays
Anonymous wrote:Do you give your BIL or SIL a birthday card?
If married do you give your siblings a birthday card just from you or do you sign it from you and your spouse?
It depends if they gave a card to DH and not me yes I would be offended because i would feel like they don't accept see me as a "real" member of the family. Now if they didn't give DH one either then no I wouldn't be offended
Anonymous wrote:soexcited123 wrote:Anonymous wrote:I go in the other room when I get any phone call- a friend, my parents, siblings, etc. It is not so I can bad mouth DH. It's so he can continue peacefully doing whatever he is doing without listening to me tell stories about things he was there for. He does the same thing. Why would he want to listen to me tell my mom about how we spent our Saturday when he experienced it too? I also sometimes talk about sensitive subjects like my sibling with mental health issues. I tell my husband about her but I feel my mom deserves the respect of a private conversation first.
I do get that but once you marry isn't your family also his family? Why wouldn't your mom want her SIL to know about certain things? I would think most parents assume their child probably tells their spouse things.
Personally I think if it's a member of my family it is my business..in laws are still family
No. I can see from this post that you don’t grasp the concepts of privacy or boundaries at all. My DH might want to have a conversation with his mom about some sensitive issues his sister is having that DO NOT INVOLVE ME. That doesn’t make it a secret - it just literally means it isn’t my business.
Anonymous wrote:OP are you washing your fruit and vegetables?
What are you talking about?
Anonymous wrote:soexcited123 wrote:Anonymous wrote:When my mom calls I usually leave the room unless I'm in the middle of a project that can only be done in that room (like if I'm cooking I stay in the kitchen). I figure my wife will find it easier to read, watch TV, listen to music, whatever else she was doing. If my mom called with a question that involves my my wife (like when we're free to get together) or something else my wife needs to know about right away, I'll come back out and tell her.
My wife calls her parents almost every day when walking to the metro. If I'm ready at the same time we'll both be there when she calls; if we walk separately I don't care if she talks to her parents without me. I trust her. If I'm bugging her and she wants to tell her parents that, it's ok with me, though I don't think that's what they spend most of their time discussing! Besides, if my wife were keeping a big secret from me, I doubt she'd tell her parents about it.
I guess it's a worry that my husband is confiding in his mom about an issue we are having in our marriage and I would rather him go to me about it or an unbiased party such as a counselor. I like to keep any issues between us. Yes before anyone asks I apply the same rule for myself as well. I don't confide in my parents or ask for advice about issues in our marriage
Op, this is a good reminder that people have autonomy. You can’t control others, only you control your actions. Just because your husband wants to talk with some privacy doesn’t mean he’s actually talking about you. You’ve been together 14 years—get over it.
There is autonomy but wanting your spouse to keep the inner happenings of your marriage private is a completely normal request and in fact most trained counselors would agree thats the best practice.
Anonymous wrote:I go in the other room when I get any phone call- a friend, my parents, siblings, etc. It is not so I can bad mouth DH. It's so he can continue peacefully doing whatever he is doing without listening to me tell stories about things he was there for. He does the same thing. Why would he want to listen to me tell my mom about how we spent our Saturday when he experienced it too? I also sometimes talk about sensitive subjects like my sibling with mental health issues. I tell my husband about her but I feel my mom deserves the respect of a private conversation first.
I do get that but once you marry isn't your family also his family? Why wouldn't your mom want her SIL to know about certain things? I would think most parents assume their child probably tells their spouse things.
soexcited123 wrote:Anonymous wrote:soexcited123 wrote:Anonymous wrote:When my mom calls I usually leave the room unless I'm in the middle of a project that can only be done in that room (like if I'm cooking I stay in the kitchen). I figure my wife will find it easier to read, watch TV, listen to music, whatever else she was doing. If my mom called with a question that involves my my wife (like when we're free to get together) or something else my wife needs to know about right away, I'll come back out and tell her.
My wife calls her parents almost every day when walking to the metro. If I'm ready at the same time we'll both be there when she calls; if we walk separately I don't care if she talks to her parents without me. I trust her. If I'm bugging her and she wants to tell her parents that, it's ok with me, though I don't think that's what they spend most of their time discussing! Besides, if my wife were keeping a big secret from me, I doubt she'd tell her parents about it.
I guess it's a worry that my husband is confiding in his mom about an issue we are having in our marriage and I would rather him go to me about it or an unbiased party such as a counselor. I like to keep any issues between us. Yes before anyone asks I apply the same rule for myself as well. I don't confide in my parents or ask for advice about issues in our marriage
As a former MIL (my son has been divorced for five years) I can tell you what they are talking about: You.
You might think this is inappropriate or whatever but you know why he's doing it. There are issues in the marriage and much as you would wish he would just address them with you he has decided to confide in his mother and get counsel from her.
So, there you go. Good luck.
Also, I forgot to add you would sit there bad mouthing your DIL. How nice. Why didn't you tell your son he should be working it out with his wife. I can't believe you really think its acceptable for a grown man to ryn to mommy when he is having marital issues. Again what if his wife wishes to keep those issues private. Of course you are going to be biased towards your own son. How is that helpful for a marriage to go to a biased party. I am truly shocked how many people on here thinks its ok to run to parents when you're upset with your spouse.
Also you literally just proved my point by saying they are talking about me when that's originally what I was worried about. So yes they are hiding something. We are going to counseling btw
Anonymous wrote:OP, are you experiencing a manic episode?
Nope but literally one poster said she sat there complaining about her dil to her son and her son joined in on bad mouthing his wife and I can't get over that people find that acceptable. It doesn't seem like in that case the wide was the problem rather a grown man running to mommy about his marital issues and a MIL who was awful
Anonymous wrote:I always leave the room if I’m on a call with someone chatting (other than a quick logistics call). I think it is rude to the person I am in the room with to be on a phone call with someone else. I also think it is important that the person I am speaking with on the phone knows that they can speak with me about things without someone else hearing part of the conversation. With my parents, I want for them to be able to share questions with me and for me to be able to answer without them feeling that my kids or husband are listening. my mom used to ask me my thoughts on things that are pretty private to her, and I don’t think she would have if she thought there was someone standing next to me hearing my responses. Same thing with my dad these days.
What are some questions your parents might share that your spouse cant be privy to?
Anonymous wrote:soexcited123 wrote:Anonymous wrote:When my mom calls I usually leave the room unless I'm in the middle of a project that can only be done in that room (like if I'm cooking I stay in the kitchen). I figure my wife will find it easier to read, watch TV, listen to music, whatever else she was doing. If my mom called with a question that involves my my wife (like when we're free to get together) or something else my wife needs to know about right away, I'll come back out and tell her.
My wife calls her parents almost every day when walking to the metro. If I'm ready at the same time we'll both be there when she calls; if we walk separately I don't care if she talks to her parents without me. I trust her. If I'm bugging her and she wants to tell her parents that, it's ok with me, though I don't think that's what they spend most of their time discussing! Besides, if my wife were keeping a big secret from me, I doubt she'd tell her parents about it.
I guess it's a worry that my husband is confiding in his mom about an issue we are having in our marriage and I would rather him go to me about it or an unbiased party such as a counselor. I like to keep any issues between us. Yes before anyone asks I apply the same rule for myself as well. I don't confide in my parents or ask for advice about issues in our marriage
As a former MIL (my son has been divorced for five years) I can tell you what they are talking about: You.
You might think this is inappropriate or whatever but you know why he's doing it. There are issues in the marriage and much as you would wish he would just address them with you he has decided to confide in his mother and get counsel from her.
So, there you go. Good luck.
Also, I forgot to add you would sit there bad mouthing your DIL. How nice. Why didn't you tell your son he should be working it out with his wife. I can't believe you really think its acceptable for a grown man to ryn to mommy when he is having marital issues. Again what if his wife wishes to keep those issues private. Of course you are going to be biased towards your own son. How is that helpful for a marriage to go to a biased party. I am truly shocked how many people on here thinks its ok to run to parents when you're upset with your spouse.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:soexcited123 wrote:Anonymous wrote:When my mom calls I usually leave the room unless I'm in the middle of a project that can only be done in that room (like if I'm cooking I stay in the kitchen). I figure my wife will find it easier to read, watch TV, listen to music, whatever else she was doing. If my mom called with a question that involves my my wife (like when we're free to get together) or something else my wife needs to know about right away, I'll come back out and tell her.
My wife calls her parents almost every day when walking to the metro. If I'm ready at the same time we'll both be there when she calls; if we walk separately I don't care if she talks to her parents without me. I trust her. If I'm bugging her and she wants to tell her parents that, it's ok with me, though I don't think that's what they spend most of their time discussing! Besides, if my wife were keeping a big secret from me, I doubt she'd tell her parents about it.
I guess it's a worry that my husband is confiding in his mom about an issue we are having in our marriage and I would rather him go to me about it or an unbiased party such as a counselor. I like to keep any issues between us. Yes before anyone asks I apply the same rule for myself as well. I don't confide in my parents or ask for advice about issues in our marriage
As a former MIL (my son has been divorced for five years) I can tell you what they are talking about: You.
You might think this is inappropriate or whatever but you know why he's doing it. There are issues in the marriage and much as you would wish he would just address them with you he has decided to confide in his mother and get counsel from her.
So, there you go. Good luck.
Well I mean if I was stuck married to OP id be complaining too.
This is the first thread I made and honestly you don't find a problem if a married man is going to mommy to complain about his wife? Wouldn't a counselor be the best unbiased party for that? You read all the time it's best for married couples to not get family/friends involves in their issues. Maybe your ex DIL divorced your son because he went to mommy about their marital issues instead of his wife. I would divorce a man child to who went running to mommy with relationship issues. You sound like a peach of a MIL and your son sounds like a peach of a husband.
Anonymous wrote:When my mom calls I usually leave the room unless I'm in the middle of a project that can only be done in that room (like if I'm cooking I stay in the kitchen). I figure my wife will find it easier to read, watch TV, listen to music, whatever else she was doing. If my mom called with a question that involves my my wife (like when we're free to get together) or something else my wife needs to know about right away, I'll come back out and tell her.
My wife calls her parents almost every day when walking to the metro. If I'm ready at the same time we'll both be there when she calls; if we walk separately I don't care if she talks to her parents without me. I trust her. If I'm bugging her and she wants to tell her parents that, it's ok with me, though I don't think that's what they spend most of their time discussing! Besides, if my wife were keeping a big secret from me, I doubt she'd tell her parents about it.
I guess it's a worry that my husband is confiding in his mom about an issue we are having in our marriage and I would rather him go to me about it or an unbiased party such as a counselor. I like to keep any issues between us. Yes before anyone asks I apply the same rule for myself as well. I don't confide in my parents or ask for advice about issues in our marriage
Anonymous wrote:It's incredibly rude to have a conversation on the phone with someone else in the room, and it's beyond rude to listen in on someone's conversation. So most normal people leave the room when they're on the phone.
Marriage doesn't mean you cease to be able to have your own relationship with your family of origin. My husband has his relationship with his parents, I in turn have a separate, different relationship with them. He has his own relationship with my mother, I have mine. What he's not entitled to is MY relationship with my mother, which you seem to think is fair game after marriage. It's not.
You sre misquoting me where did you get that I was saying marriage means you don't have a relationship with your family of origin? Or what do you mean by me thinking I'm entitled to his relationship with his mother? Yes I think he shouldn't be confiding in his mother about things and hiding them or not telling me. I don't know what is so serious or deep in the mother son relationship that they need this big private convo. What do they talk about? Maybe this also has to do with the fact even after we got engaged she planned a family vacay and specifically told my fiance not to bring me never addressed my name on any xmas cards to him or made me feel welcome into the family.
Anonymous wrote:soexcited123 wrote:Anonymous wrote:I always leave the room when I’m talking to my mom. My DH doesn’t care. You sound a bit controlling and transparency is not always a good thing. Let your poor husband breath. I’m extremely close to my grown son and we talk everyday. I wouldn’t be too thrilled with his wife if she made him feel uncomfortable with this .
Well it sounds like you have some boundary issues with your son. Everydat how about taking your own advice and let your grown son breathe. Also you say you wouldn't be happy if your sons wife gave gim a hard time well what goes on in their marriage is not your business. Also why would transparency not be a good thing? Part of a marriage is being transparent. If my husband talked to his mom everyday I wohld feel like he didn't fully cut the cord. Also why wouldn't you wanna talk to your DIL? Isn't she family as well.
Wow. You're.... interesting.
What kind of response is that? You are literally the pot calling the kettle black by saying to let.my husband breathe but you call your grown son everyday and dont even wanna include your DIL. It sounds like you can't let your grown son breathe in his marriage. Also you never answered any of my qiestions
Anonymous wrote:I think it's respectful to leave the room if you are going to be a phone call. No one likes listening to 1/2 of a conversation and I'd rather read my book, do my work, watch TV in peace.
Privacy? What we he be talking to his mom about that he couldn't talk to me about. Call me crazy but yes I expect my husband to tell me everything and not hide things.