Oh, and I am pretty sure, he has my ENTIRE family believing I am the crazy one and screwing our son up because I left him

The problem is, if he does not get his way or see our son whenever he likes, he gets super angry and very manipulative and controlling.

Ever since I left him, I feel empty and like so many different emotions are reappearing but I know that he is NOT going to stop until he either gets me back-or I get a restraining order and go to court.

I literally just left a toxic relationship with a narcissist.

I feel completely unsupported by my family. and I feel like I miss him even though he put me through so much abuse.
YES, I am in therapy.
YES, I am codependent.
YES, I have been tolerating this abusive behavior for 4 years
and YES, We have a 2 year old together.

I am in my own apartment now just now starting my life over again. I have no friends. I have no support system. and I know my son misses his dad.
Apart of me, just wants to walk away from even trying to be independent and just allow myself to be dependent on a man.
I know it sounds stupid but it is honestly all I know.
I am 23 years old. and I really feel like the weakest person ever and I feel like a terrible mother for leaving my abusive partner because our son loves his dad soo so so so sooo much!

I am codependent so my therapist suggested I cut off all dating for a year and try to do it on my own.
THIS IS THE FIRST TIME I HAVE EVER BEEN SINGLE. LIKE EVER.

I normally would just contact an ex if something happened and move on from the pain I was feeling but now, I am forced to focus on staying single and not going back to relying on a man.
I don't know why I am struggling with it so much. Why do I feel like I need a man? Why can't I be happy by myself?

I was so desperate to be have that fairy tale love, that I literally stayed in an abusive relationship because I was to scared and weak to leave, but also because I waskind of used to the abuse and apart of me liked not having to make the tough decisions. I liked the security of being taken care of.
But- It got to a point, that I could not stay any longer because my life, health was in jeopardy.
He had started having unprotected sex with prostitutes along with the emotional, financial, sometimes physical abuse.

I guess, my question is, how do I make this easier for myself?
When I am feeling this depressed and alone in my apartment how do I convince myself to not go back to him?

Anonymous wrote:I think the therapist told you to get on a forum bc maybe you were in denial and she needed you to hear the truth...

Yes. I was in complete denial. And posting on the forum was a huge eye opener for me. I'm now waiting to see if I'm approved for an apartment in my own name. And then getting out ASAP

Thank you guys for the advice. I can't put into words how much I needed to read this. It really helped me make a decision that is right for my son and myself. I do have friends, and family that can help me through this... But it will be hell to leave him, I am leaving him asap but the only problem is, do I keep his secret? He says he will "kill himself" if I leave him. He also says that I can't tell anyone about his secret. He is more worried about the secret getting out instead of losing us. I am worried if I leave, he will get crazy and harass me . i just am a little scared to leave. But I am going to leave because with the fighting and the confusing me by manipulating me into thinking it is my fault is confusing and physically making me sick. I do have a best friend who is willing to help me in any way and that includes help me get an apartment. Only problem is, when I do try to leave, he hides my keys, and blocks the doorway and says I can't take our son. and then if I say "i will tell everyone about your secret" he says all I do is threaten him and that I am not allowed to go anywhere because I am not thinking clearly.

You are right. I completely feel stuck.
He keeps making me feel like I am not "nasty" enough like the girls on the porn websites. and keeps trying to blame me. I feel like I am always the one apologizing when he is the one that did something wrong.

Even if he changed his number, agreed to therapy, you don't think I should try to stand by him through this in hope that he will change?

Yeah I work. I have money saved as well. I have had 3 serious relationships and have only slept with 3 men.. but I have never been single.

I do make money, but he does make way more than I do.
I am 23 and just starting out in my career.
He is 31 and has already established his career.

Because He honestly is a really great dad to our son.
And I think I am scared to be alone.

I know I must sound like an idiot.

I have been in a relationship with this man for 4 years, we were even engaged for 1 year.
We have a son together. I am in my early 20's and he is in his early 30's.
I have never been on a forum before so I am not sure if my therapist is right in recommending that I find support on a forum where people understand what I am going through.

To make a long story short, my now ex boyfriend (father of my 2 year old son) is claiming that he can't help but go to websites featuring prostitutes and trying to pay for sex.
He has battled with webcam with girls in the past and hardcore porn and dating websites. He has cheated on me several times (and that is only when I have caught him)
He will create email accounts and then register for these dating websites and these porn websites, webcam websites and cheat on me. He also goes to the strip club and has paid for sex with a prostitute. I found out over a week ago that this was still going on... and that he has been going on websites like www.eccie.com and www.backpage.com and finding girls who are cheap and texting them to hook up. He claims he only paid for sex one time but I don't believe him. He always lies to me when it comes to this.
I have talked to my therapist, and him as well and it looks like he has a sex addiction. He changed his number and he promised to go to therapy but I don't know how to deal with this.
He says I am not "nasty" enough for him... and tries to manipulate the situation like it is my fault that he cheats. But I know it is just his guilty conscience. I know he doesn't want to lose me but I am honestly so grossed out by this and it is messing with me emotionally making feel like I am not good enough and I feel I will never get over this and never be able to trust him again.
I am hoping he goes to therapy because if he doesn't there is absolutely no chance of us ever getting back together. I just don't know if he is really addicted or if he is using this as an excuse to be forgiven? I feel like my whole future is over or changing. and We are living together but we are just friends right now. I feel lonely and confused. Because he is embarrassed by what he has done he doesn't want me telling anyone so I have no one to talk too. I Honestly feel like I am only 23 years old and should not have to deal with all of this. He has been emotionally abusive and made me feel insecure for so long now. I feel like he has sucked the life out of me and I feel numb. I just worry because we have a son. and I want so badly for us to eventually work out and him to get better and not cheat or lie anymore. But I feel like I have been waiting for 4 years for him to change.

Idk.. any advice would be wonderful.. I just feel so confused and lost at this point..