Q:To date, there are no special doctors that can make two women conceive a zygote. Sorry for the technicalities, but my kids don't believe in Santa either; and gasp OMG, I told them that there is probably no heaven or hell, so live for the moment.


A: You are being deliberately obtuse, and obviously we have different standards by which we raise our children. I am a scientist- my kids will understand how they came to be- hell, I have a photo of each of them when they were just 5 cells. They also will not question that I am their mother. I don't need to debate it with you- it is a title I might not have been given due to DNA, but one I am proud to earn every day as I raise these amazing people.

Pp- is there something in my previous post that didn't sit well or was unclear? I said "A: Yes, I would because my child *does* have two mothers. If they pressed for biology I would tell them that we went to a special doctor to get help, and that our family is possible due to the kindness of a man who donated the sperm that helped create Bobby and Billy."


So- Linda and Betty are Billy's moms. They went to a special doctor... Etc. I could really blow your mind and say that I know women who have harvested eggs from one partner and implanted in the other. Mostly though, I don't pry into people's biological relationships.

Q/C:From another lesbian parent of twin boys - maybe our paths will cross at some point. We also have a hard time making new friends!

A: I hope so!! Twins are an experience unto themselves. I would love to meet more twin moms.

Q:Is it true that lesbians couples prefer boys to raise?

A: I don't think so, due to our struggles with infertility my wife and I were just praying for healthy babies. I do know more lesbians with boys than girls and wonder if that has anything to do with the frozen sperm thing.

For the record, I am doing this on my phone which is why you see the edits. I am really only catching egregious ones and don't have the heart to go back and fix other typos and grammar errors, but that is a nice feature of logging in. That and it tells me when you all reply.

Q: Do you think or have you observed gay parents generally being more strict than straight parents? I know a black friend of mine was always told by her parents that she had to be exemplary b/c society would judge her more harshly than her white counterparts. So they were pretty strict. I know it's not quite the same thing but I'm curious. =)

A: I don't think so. I think your friend's mom was probably worried about negative stereotypes regarding people of color (lazy,loud,etc). A more similar worry that I sometimes have is that people will judge my sensitive sweet boy who likes to sing and dance more than rough and tumble. He is who he is- I have no idea what his sexuality will end up, but I think people might judge my wife and I for not pushing him to do more traditionally "boyish" things. I realize this is stupid, but I still worry.

Q/C:My kids are in the minority in their school and my fears are probably similar to, or the same as yours. It's not easy.

A: it really isn't. Like I said, I do think as parents we share a lot of the same hopes, fears, and anxieties about our kids. Otherwise we wouldn't hang around this joint.

Q: Ok, I hope this is not presumptuous but I have a general LGBT question. What is the proper etiquette when interacting with a transgendered person? How do I know what pronouns to use, etc.? Also, you've shed some light on this already, but any other etiquette you'd like us to know about how to best interact with gay couples/families? (i.e. introducing the wife)

A: Transfolk- chances are everyone had had an interaction with a trans person whether they know it or not. I am not trans and don't speak for them, but a good resource is http://www.t-vox.org/index.php?title=Trans_101
I believe that respect goes a long way in avoiding misunderstanding. Using "it" is never appropriate for a human being.

I really don't think there is a lot of etiquette. Treat us like you would your other friends. Don't be rude (ie- can I watch? Who is the man? Etc) and you'll do fine. Oh and as for the boyfriend vs partner vs husband/wife. Follow cues if you don't know.

Q: So, speaking of crockpots, is there anything you can do with chicken other than cook it to shredd-Ed-ness? I'm new to this slow cooker thing...

A: I'm from the Midwest. Throw condensed soup, chicken breasts cut into chunks, frozen peas and carrots, and then.... A can of biscuits. Cut each into 2. Toss it all in and you get chicken and dumplings-- so good on a cold day! Obviously not great for you, but as cookie monster would say, a good sometimes food.

Q: My question for you is, have you or will you seek out schools for your children that have other gay parents as well? Are you concerned about teasing/bullying related to your sexuality and how do you handle or intend to handle this issue?

A: We haven't yet. Honestly- we don't earn enough to send the kids to private. They're twins. We live in Fairfax Co and have good public schools. We'd like to someday move to Arlington.

My biggest fear is that my kids are bullied for something they have no control over. I hope we are raising strong, confident kids who could stand up to that. It is the thing that brings out my mama bear instinct above all else. I do intend to meet with principals and teachers beforehand to answer questions and open communication. I don't mind being the only, or the first, but I will likely be neither.

Q: Maybe there is a way to "invite" or make it feel safe for him to come out? Or a way to say, if you are gay, it's okay and I love you. appreciate any thoughts you may have!

A: Wow. That's a tough one. He could be struggling with a lot of things- that may or may not have anything to do with his sexuality. I'd just say Alex, I've noticed you seem withdrawn and sad a lot. You are my brother and I love you so much, I hope you know there's nothing you could say or do that would change that. Is there anything i can do to help, I am a good listener..."

Just open the door and hope he walks through. Call out homophobic family members if they make comments. It sucks to hear people you love do that.

Q: What were your opinions on the lesbian (bisexual?) Sex and the City star who made the comments on being gay is a choice? How did your wife and fellow gay friends feel?

Even straight people felt it was a horrible thing to say, so I imagine it was horrible for the LGBT community. Who are the people within the LGBT community that feel this way? Do they tend to be bisexual?

A: Good question. The thing is, I think, so what if it IS a choice for some people? Do they then forfeit their rights?

It caused such an uproar because it is not the experience of a lot of glbt people- to feel that we chose. We also live in a world where children are sent to "reprogramming" camps, where men and women of faith go to counseling for years to try to live against for what many of them is innate. These are things happening now, not some distant past. GLBT kids are killing themselves...

It's just- it probably is something some people can choose, but it isn't for everyone and it is literally killing some of them.

Q: Are your periods in-sync? If so, is it pure hell during PMS time?

A: That has happened in previous relationships for sure. It is hell but also convieninet in other ways if you understand my meaning.

I work at a Christian preschool and I have met a few gay couples when on playground with my son. As soon as I mention that I work at a christian school I get then sense that they are pulling back. I am not sure how to respond to this. Also as a side note my mom came out a few years ago but I was not raised my gay parents (they got divorced when I was 17). I guess my question is "what's the best way to say I'm Christian but not homophobic?".

A: I fully admit this is one of my personal faults. One of my now dear friends wears a cross necklace. When we met (in a work setting) I was careful to not talk about personal things. Eventually we got to know one another an things were fine. I need to give people the benefit of the doubt, but have been hurt before (oh the dramatics!)

Easiest way to signal all is well is to say something nice like "oh what does your partner think about Bobby's haircut or My husband and I are going to Boston this weekend- where do you and Linda like to go?". In my experience people who are unfortable pretend the rest of my family doesn't exist.

Q: Have you ever had a boyfriend? How old were you when you had a girlfriend?

A: I had boyfriends in high school. I had my first girlfriend at 18.