Is 13 too young or normal age to identify as gay?

[Anonymous]

13yo DC has told me that they are gay. I am of course supportive. Gave them a hug and told them that I love them no matter what. I guess my question is, is this a typical age when people know one way are the other? I asked DC when they had an inkling, and they said around 4th grade.

It’s only been a week and nothing has changed in our relationship, but I’d love some thoughts/advice on how to navigate this. At the moment, they are at a progressive private middle school where there are a number of LGBTQ+ families and students, but I’m a little worried about the transition to a large public high school next year. Thanks for any advice!

[Anonymous]

Totally normal age. Think back to when you were thirteen-were you agnostic about which gender you would be day be interested in?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Totally normal age. Think back to when you were thirteen-were you agnostic about which gender you would be day be interested in?

Good point, though it’s hard to say because at that age I went to a very conservative all girls religious school and had little to no interactions with boys.

[Anonymous]

Well, I think the question can apply to anybody: when did you know your sexual orientation? I experienced major crushes, maybe even sexual attraction, by the time I was 11.

There is a lot of good advice out there but the most important thing is to just be supporting and loving like you are. Your kid will get some hate, and at home what they need is a refuge from all that.

You can also support them in things like the books they read, their clothes, etc. I bought DD a pride shirt and it meant a lot to her. She also does GSA and I am happy she found lots of friends through that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Totally normal age. Think back to when you were thirteen-were you agnostic about which gender you would be day be interested in?

Good point, though it’s hard to say because at that age I went to a very conservative all girls religious school and had little to no interactions with boys.

NP and I for one can say I very much knew I liked boys at 13. And younger than that, too. Kids just come out earlier now because it is finally. More accepted. But all those people who didn’t come out until adulthood—many/most knew before 13.

[Anonymous]

Absolutely normal. Do not question it. Just be open minded and accepting. Slowly, casually let people know. It doesn't have to be an announcement.

[Anonymous]

Continue to be there for your kid but don’t harp on it. Let them bring it up. Only because most 13 yo don’t want parents constantly talking about who they are attracted to.

One of my children told us when she was 10 and we handled it similar to you but then didn’t mention anything for years. We didn’t avoid the topic, but she just wanted us to know and then life went as as normal.

Now all our kids are teens and know we are supportive of all. To be honest, none really want to talk about their crushes to mom and dad and none have been in a serious relationship yet. But they know we are here for them if they ever do want to talk. My point is being straight or gay is just one part of who they are.

[Anonymous]

Large publics are even more accepting.

Def look into the Gay-Straight Alliance (GSA). My straight daughter is a member to support her friends. It's a very welcoming and open minded group of teens.

[Anonymous]

My brother knew at age 6. Is 62 now.

[Anonymous]

11:53 here again I disagree with the poster above’s advice. I didn’t let anyone know. I didn’t hide it and supported DD but that’s her news to share if she wants. Just like my son would have been horrified if I told the relatives when he started liking and texting girls. I gave my daughter the same privacy to share what she wanted with who she wanted.

[Anonymous]

I think it’s normal to know. I think the current emphasis on it means we ask our kids to lead with their sexuality, as if that were the most important thing about them. I’d be supportive, but not emphasize it going forward.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s normal to know. I think the current emphasis on it means we ask our kids to lead with their sexuality, as if that were the most important thing about them. I’d be supportive, but not emphasize it going forward.

PP again. This exactly. If you asked my daughter to describe herself, she would tell you about her sport and her accomplishments there. It’s the most important thing in her life right now along with her friends. Your kid is still your kid. This is one part of them but don’t lead with it. Unless they want to.

[Anonymous]

Op here, thanks for the responses, they are very helpful! I absolutely am not questioning anything. We’re going on as normal, and I haven’t brought it up, nor will I. My plan is to let DC take the lead on how much we talk about it. I do know that they are very comfortable talking to me and I want to keep it that way!

DC has asked me not to mention it to anyone yet (even DH) but promises to tell dad themselves. Just wondering how much I should push telling DH?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:13yo DC has told me that they are gay. I am of course supportive. Gave them a hug and told them that I love them no matter what. I guess my question is, is this a typical age when people know one way are the other? I asked DC when they had an inkling, and they said around 4th grade.

It’s only been a week and nothing has changed in our relationship, but I’d love some thoughts/advice on how to navigate this. At the moment, they are at a progressive private middle school where there are a number of LGBTQ+ families and students, but I’m a little worried about the transition to a large public high school next year. Thanks for any advice!

Uugh. Think about that, OP.

[Anonymous]

Yes, thirteen is the age to identify, especially for girls. My daughter told me she was bisexual at age 13. And since she has not had a relationship ever, I guess she just knows like a lot of kids know. I mean, I guess she will want to be sexually active with all genders someday. And she knows because it’s intuitive. Right?