Thinking about breaking up with my girlfriend-writing on the wall?

[Anonymous]

I’ve been with my girlfriend for about a year and a half. We discussed moving into together this time next year. We had been pretty up front with each other in that we weren’t ready to make the move to that yet plus there are rental leases involved so we would have to wait for those to be up before anything. Suddenly she has started talking of buying an home in her name and talking about how she doesn’t see herself staying in DC for very long, maybe a few more years at the most.

Is the writing on the wall that this relationship is over? We both saw each other as “the one” but my gut is telling me that maybe that isn’t the case anymore. We have such good communication and I plan to ask more about what she sees in the future but didn’t want to ruin her family trip this week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve been with my girlfriend for about a year and a half. We discussed moving into together this time next year. We had been pretty up front with each other in that we weren’t ready to make the move to that yet plus there are rental leases involved so we would have to wait for those to be up before anything. Suddenly she has started talking of buying an home in her name and talking about how she doesn’t see herself staying in DC for very long, maybe a few more years at the most.

Is the writing on the wall that this relationship is over? We both saw each other as “the one” but my gut is telling me that maybe that isn’t the case anymore. We have such good communication and I plan to ask more about what she sees in the future but didn’t want to ruin her family trip this week.

In life long marriages, one spouse may lose their job and have to relocate. A child may need a trial medical treatment that causes relocation. A parent may be terminally ill and closer caretaking may be requested. I think you just don't want to admit you're looking for reason after reason to become one of the 40+ never marrieds who wonder why there are so many male factor infertility ICSI treatments around here. Stop assuming the grass is going to be greener and propose NOW and move into the house. There's always a negative and you didn't list any horrible red flags with her.

[Anonymous]

PP, I think OP’s point is that his GF is showing signs that SHEdiesnr see a future with OP, not the opposite.

And yes, OP - your GF’s actions reflect just that. You need to be direct and talk to her about it.

[Anonymous]

Yes writing is on the wall. Bail now.

[Anonymous]

It seems the writing is on the wall. She's acting like she doesn't see you as part of her future.

There's a weird idea out there these days that relationships only end if people are incompatible or have some fatal flaw. The truth is sometimes, a lot of the time things with really great people end, sometimes people we thought we had a future with. There's no one, there are many potential ones, eventually we make it work with someone who agrees to a future with us.

[Anonymous]

Is she talking about renting in DC for a few more years and moving somewhere where she plans to buy a home in her own name? If so, dtmf. Doesn’t sound like you are great communicating. Why aren’t you on this trip?

[Anonymous]

I wonder if GF brought up the topic to see how you would react? Need more info and further communication before declaring a red flag. Maybe she had a rough day or is feeling insecure or some other external factor.

[Anonymous]

Op Here…

LOL, first off, I haven’t noticed any infertility centers but then again, I’m not a 40+ male looking for one…the conspiracy theories here are amazing at times!

Without giving too much away, I already own my home free and clear. That being said, we’ve talked that when her lease was up next year, she’d move into my home.

And I was invited on her trip, just came back from a trip with her and family but decided not to go away with her this weekend so I could take some time to visit my family.

[Anonymous]

I don’t think you should assume that she wants to move into your house. Maybe she would rather you two pick a house together. If she does move into your house and you get married, will you add her to the title?

My boyfriend owns his own home. I didn’t pick it out. It’s his, not mine. I don’t like it. Yet he assumes I should be moving into a house he bought, that I had no say in selecting.

[Anonymous]

Maybe that’s her way of seeing if you want to commit.

I was not interested in moving in with my boyfriend. I wanted my boyfriend to propose to me. If he said, let’s try living together and would like to get married. That is very different than just moving in together.

Did you want her to pay you rent?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op Here…

LOL, first off, I haven’t noticed any infertility centers but then again, I’m not a 40+ male looking for one…the conspiracy theories here are amazing at times!

Without giving too much away, I already own my home free and clear. That being said, we’ve talked that when her lease was up next year, she’d move into my home.

And I was invited on her trip, just came back from a trip with her and family but decided not to go away with her this weekend so I could take some time to visit my family.

Okay. So Why are you posting here? You are such great communicators talk to her.

[Anonymous]

I understand what you are saying OP. She must've casually said something like:

You: So, your lease is up in 6 months. Are you going to move in here?

Her: Actually, I think I want to buy a place, but not around DC. I think I'm over this area, want to try something else. (no mention of you or your plans or relationship)


OP, I think you should have asked right then if she wanted you to move with her, versus whether she wants to end the relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It seems the writing is on the wall. She's acting like she doesn't see you as part of her future.

There's a weird idea out there these days that relationships only end if people are incompatible or have some fatal flaw. The truth is sometimes, a lot of the time things with really great people end, sometimes people we thought we had a future with. There's no one, there are many potential ones, eventually we make it work with someone who agrees to a future with us.

And a lot of it is timing.

[Anonymous]

Just talk to her. You need to have a conversation, not conjecture.

[Anonymous]

Maybe she was looking for a proposal and not an offer to move into your house a year out from now. She may think you are not very serious, so she is starting to ponder other opportunities life has for her.