How to be a likeable person?

[Anonymous]

I am just not a likeable person. I have never been liked my whole life. I don't know what it is about me.

[Anonymous]

Be interested in other people. Ask them questions and laugh at their jokes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Be interested in other people. Ask them questions and laugh at their jokes.

+1

And don't be negative. And don't turn everything back into a conversation about yourself. For example, someone says 'I'm making lasagna for dinner tonight' and then you tell a long story about the last time you ate lasagna it gave you diarrhea and you've sworn it off forever. That's unlikeable.
'

[Anonymous]

I'm told I'm likable. I figure my strengths are: 1) basically never asking anything of anyone; 2) a quick smile and laugh; 3) frequent jokes; and 4) being considerate of how what I say will make a person feel.

[Anonymous]

Sit back and listen first. Don’t be needy. Develop interests to chat about.

[Anonymous]

Why do you think you’re not a likeable person?

[Anonymous]

Be easy going and not high maintenance. Not someone with no opinion. Someone who says, How about Mexican? when asked where to go to dinner. But also someone who does not care if it's not Mexican and goes with the flow.

Don't tell long boring stories.

Smile.

Ask questions about other people.

If you are not funny (most people are not), at least have good energy and go along with the joke or laugh at it.

Be kind and generous to those in your orbit.

Be aware how your behavior impacts others and adjust accordingly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sit back and listen first. Don’t be needy. Develop interests to chat about.

+1 and don’t complain or be negative.

[Anonymous]

Although you may really have flaws to fix, attitude is important. I found it a lot easier to make friends when I stopped slipping into, “nobody likes me.”

[Anonymous]

Practice socializing in low risk situations like with relatives

[Anonymous]

Talk less.

Smile more.

[Anonymous]

keep your negativity to yourself.
be quick to compliment others.
be prepared to respond to others words with simple phrases like, 'oh that sounds like fun, are the kids/your parents/your spouse excited?' - it doesn't matter that it sounds like fun or not.

[Anonymous]

I’m also unlikable and in my situation it’s because I’m very socially awkward. I try too hard to act friendly/outgoing and this comes off as just…weird. But I’m working on it!

[Anonymous]

I'm unlikeable too, OP, but I have slowly improved on it over time by watching what other people who are likeable do. I made a checklist of what I should do in conversations -- it was nice during COVID because I could sit there with my cheat sheet in most conversations and no one was the wiser. For what it's worth, this is my checklist for what I call "disciplined conversations" (i.e. have the discipline to stick to the checklist):

Don't skip the pleasantries
Acknowledge everyone and say names
Make each person feel human
Don't be eager to share or show smarts
Spend time on the inconsequential
Stand in a position of nonjudgment
Be in the moment
Respond to and take interest in everything
Listen
Allow 2 seconds of silence before speaking
Be curious and receptive to other's ideas
Show vulnerability
Give gratifying reactions
Gently guide (versus abruptly steer) to your point
Describe others positively
Ignore the petty
Use humor

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:keep your negativity to yourself.
be quick to compliment others.
be prepared to respond to others words with simple phrases like, 'oh that sounds like fun, are the kids/your parents/your spouse excited?' - it doesn't matter that it sounds like fun or not.

This is sycophancy and screams fake. Not likable. Fake.