Moms Flaking Out on Playdates
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Anonymous
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I've noticed that I feel pretty lonely when I don't have quality adult interaction every day. So I've made an effort to meet other moms with kids my age (1 year old) and schedule playdates.
It seems really hard to find times that are mutually convenient - work/nap/mealtime schedules are all too different, or people are out of town. I work in the mornings, which seems to be prime time for SAHMs to do kid stuff, and it's really hard to find people to meet up with in the afternoons. Then, even when we schedule something, half the time it's canceled because their kid napped late or someone's sick or grandma offered to babysit last minute so they want to take advantage of the kidfree time. I don't get the feeling that these people are purposefully avoiding me, because they generally reach out later to reschedule. It feels more like they're busy and playdates are not a top priority for them. But the end result is the same - I have no one to hang out with and I feel sad and lonely. I usually do have 1-2 playdates per week. And on the days I can't make it work, I do end up going to the park and chatting with whomever is around, but I've gotten bored with the same mommy small talk over and over. So, I guess my question is, am I asking too much? Are there other moms who have managed to arrange a social life that involves meeting up with other adults every/almost every afternoon? How did you do this? And if you do not meet with friends every day, how do you avoid being lonely? Is there something wrong with me because I'm not happy just interacting with my sweet kiddo? PS Have tried baby classes and they're not for us. My kid isn't interested and all the parents are interacting with the kids rather than talking to each other. |
Anonymous
| Um, who is having playdates with infants during a pandemic? |
Anonymous
| You need to chill out. People are just trying to survive the pandemic |
Anonymous
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Morning is by far the most predictable time with young kids. And that's the time you aren't available. When I made plans with my babies the best time was always around 9am. 3pm was tough, because a late nap, or a long nap, or a cranky wake up, or a missed snack could just derail the whole thing.
Do you have friends that do NOT have kids? Maybe schedule a time to walk with them in the afternoon. Sometimes get a sitter, sometimes bring the baby. |
Anonymous
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It can be a lot harder around 1 when kids are on varying nap and eating schedules (some on 2 and some on 1). It will probably be easier to coordinate once kids are more consistently on one nap in a few months.
That said, I’ve always found afternoons harder if it involves traveling anywhere further than the playground 2 mins away or my backyard - there’s such a limited time between when she’s up and has a snack and is ready to go and when I start making dinner. Plus I have a 2yo to contend with who adds 10 mins minimum to every step. So I could be someone who wants to get together but just can’t make it happen consistently in a non stressful way. I really wouldn’t take it personally |
Anonymous
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I'm surprised you can get anyone to agree to anything in the afternoon. Kids this age nap. Why isn't your kid napping?
And I wouldn't wake up a baby for a play date. |
Anonymous
| Also in that age range, kids are often transitioning from 2 naps a day to 1 nap a day. So lots of 1 year olds might not have a rock solid daily schedule to plan around. |
Anonymous
My kid naps 12:30-3:00, which leaves plenty of time for an afternoon outing. |
Anonymous
In the mornings, plenty of people seem to be. I should clarify it's all outdoors. I haven't ever had anyone say that they're not comfortable getting together at a park for a stroller walk or to have the kids climb around a baby playground. |
Anonymous
Ok. Kids that age typically start napping anywhere from 12:30-2 and sleep anywhere from 3-5. By later in the day, you're getting into getting ready for dinner, older kids' activities, etc. You're asking why people are flaky and it's probably because afternoons with a baby can just be tough. |
Anonymous
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Can you switch your work schedule? Mornings really are the best time.
I think it is also a bit unusual to want adult interaction from friends every single day. I’m not judging it, I just think that fir many people once or twice a week is good. What about finding an afternoon sitter once a week and join an activity you enjoy just for adults? |
Anonymous
I'm not asking why people are flaky - I get it, and I'm not taking it personally. I'm just wondering how other moms who don't have mornings free handle this. Like, am I just doomed to loneliness because I have a job? Or is there some way to not be lonely without having regular get-togethers with friends, since it seems logistically impossible 
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Anonymous
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You have 1-2 play dates a week. That might need to be enough.
Are there any afternoon classes you could join? That would provide some structure and community. |
Anonymous
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I read your OP more closely.
Nothing is wrong with you. Babies are boring. But yes, it's asking too much to think you'll have adult interaction lined up every single afternoon. |
Anonymous
Hmmm, so do other people have several days per week when they just interact with their kids and spouse (and maybe small talk with the sitter or cashier or another parent at the park)? And it doesn't feel lonely for them? And I like the afternoon sitter idea, thank you! |