Moms Flaking Out on Playdates

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I read your OP more closely.

Nothing is wrong with you. Babies are boring.

But yes, it's asking too much to think you'll have adult interaction lined up every single afternoon.

+1

Your best bet if you really want a full social calendar is probably friends who don't have babies. People with no kids, or with older kids who are in camp/school or not napping who can get together for coffee or something in the afternoon, or in the evenings while your spouse or a sitter watches your baby. Because 1-2 playdates a week is actually pretty good, especially if you don't have morning availability.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can you switch your work schedule? Mornings really are the best time.

I think it is also a bit unusual to want adult interaction from friends every single day. I’m not judging it, I just think that fir many people once or twice a week is good. What about finding an afternoon sitter once a week and join an activity you enjoy just for adults?

Hmmm, so do other people have several days per week when they just interact with their kids and spouse (and maybe small talk with the sitter or cashier or another parent at the park)? And it doesn't feel lonely for them?

And I like the afternoon sitter idea, thank you!

Yes, most days.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't say I like playdates. Hire a babysitter and do something else with your time. Playdates were so stressful for me. I enjoyed myself when I was alone or on a friend date without kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can you switch your work schedule? Mornings really are the best time.

I think it is also a bit unusual to want adult interaction from friends every single day. I’m not judging it, I just think that fir many people once or twice a week is good. What about finding an afternoon sitter once a week and join an activity you enjoy just for adults?

Hmmm, so do other people have several days per week when they just interact with their kids and spouse (and maybe small talk with the sitter or cashier or another parent at the park)? And it doesn't feel lonely for them?

And I like the afternoon sitter idea, thank you!

Yes, most days.

Yes. And yes, it can be lonley. As someone else said, infants are honestly a bit boring. It sounds like you'd be happier working full time. No shame in that game.

[Anonymous]

I text a lot with friends as my work schedule prevents daily face to face get together. I don't feel lonely. Are there morning mommy and me classes you can join? I think you're asking a lot for daily get togethers q

[Anonymous]

I guess I'm an introvert because anything more than 1-2 playdates a week and interacting with the moms would have stressed me out back when my kid was 1. Yes, you're asking too much.

[Anonymous]

Go to the park at 3 and see if you can find your people there, or any other public place. You might find people on your schedule who are doing the same thing at the same time. From there maybe you can plan to meet at the same time/place on another day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can you switch your work schedule? Mornings really are the best time.

I think it is also a bit unusual to want adult interaction from friends every single day. I’m not judging it, I just think that fir many people once or twice a week is good. What about finding an afternoon sitter once a week and join an activity you enjoy just for adults?

Hmmm, so do other people have several days per week when they just interact with their kids and spouse (and maybe small talk with the sitter or cashier or another parent at the park)? And it doesn't feel lonely for them?

And I like the afternoon sitter idea, thank you!

Yep. And yep. It’s a season. It’ll pass

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've noticed that I feel pretty lonely when I don't have quality adult interaction every day. So I've made an effort to meet other moms with kids my age (1 year old) and schedule playdates.

It seems really hard to find times that are mutually convenient - work/nap/mealtime schedules are all too different, or people are out of town. I work in the mornings, which seems to be prime time for SAHMs to do kid stuff, and it's really hard to find people to meet up with in the afternoons. Then, even when we schedule something, half the time it's canceled because their kid napped late or someone's sick or grandma offered to babysit last minute so they want to take advantage of the kidfree time.

I don't get the feeling that these people are purposefully avoiding me, because they generally reach out later to reschedule. It feels more like they're busy and playdates are not a top priority for them. But the end result is the same - I have no one to hang out with and I feel sad and lonely.

I usually do have 1-2 playdates per week. And on the days I can't make it work, I do end up going to the park and chatting with whomever is around, but I've gotten bored with the same mommy small talk over and over.

So, I guess my question is, am I asking too much? Are there other moms who have managed to arrange a social life that involves meeting up with other adults every/almost every afternoon? How did you do this? And if you do not meet with friends every day, how do you avoid being lonely? Is there something wrong with me because I'm not happy just interacting with my sweet kiddo?

PS Have tried baby classes and they're not for us. My kid isn't interested and all the parents are interacting with the kids rather than talking to each other.

2 play dates a week is more than enough. You’re expecting way too much interaction. Where’s your husband? We’ve had three the whole summer. Also expand your network. Maybe try some non-mommy friends. They are way more fun. Leave your kid with his dad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've noticed that I feel pretty lonely when I don't have quality adult interaction every day. So I've made an effort to meet other moms with kids my age (1 year old) and schedule playdates.

It seems really hard to find times that are mutually convenient - work/nap/mealtime schedules are all too different, or people are out of town. I work in the mornings, which seems to be prime time for SAHMs to do kid stuff, and it's really hard to find people to meet up with in the afternoons. Then, even when we schedule something, half the time it's canceled because their kid napped late or someone's sick or grandma offered to babysit last minute so they want to take advantage of the kidfree time.

I don't get the feeling that these people are purposefully avoiding me, because they generally reach out later to reschedule. It feels more like they're busy and playdates are not a top priority for them. But the end result is the same - I have no one to hang out with and I feel sad and lonely.

I usually do have 1-2 playdates per week. And on the days I can't make it work, I do end up going to the park and chatting with whomever is around, but I've gotten bored with the same mommy small talk over and over.

So, I guess my question is, am I asking too much? Are there other moms who have managed to arrange a social life that involves meeting up with other adults every/almost every afternoon? How did you do this? And if you do not meet with friends every day, how do you avoid being lonely? Is there something wrong with me because I'm not happy just interacting with my sweet kiddo?

PS Have tried baby classes and they're not for us. My kid isn't interested and all the parents are interacting with the kids rather than talking to each other.

2 play dates a week is more than enough. You’re expecting way too much interaction. Where’s your husband? We’ve had three the whole summer. Also expand your network. Maybe try some non-mommy friends. They are way more fun. Leave your kid with his dad.

Three play dates, not husbands.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can you switch your work schedule? Mornings really are the best time.

I think it is also a bit unusual to want adult interaction from friends every single day. I’m not judging it, I just think that fir many people once or twice a week is good. What about finding an afternoon sitter once a week and join an activity you enjoy just for adults?

Hmmm, so do other people have several days per week when they just interact with their kids and spouse (and maybe small talk with the sitter or cashier or another parent at the park)? And it doesn't feel lonely for them?

And I like the afternoon sitter idea, thank you!

Yes, most days.

Yes. And yes, it can be lonley. As someone else said, infants are honestly a bit boring. It sounds like you'd be happier working full time. No shame in that game.

Yes you’d be happier at work with cool/ interesting co-workers who you’ll have lunch/drinks with.

[Anonymous]

If it helps, I also found that 15 months was sort of a turning point for when my kid got way way more interactive and I craved other adult company less during the day. But yeah I’m happier working full time and am a better, more present parent when I do so. No shame in that.

[Anonymous]

I can completely understand wanting adult interaction on a frequent basis. But 9 months is a tough stage because with two naps the time to meet up is limited and I agree with others that mornings are the most popular times. I've seen it work where there is a few SAHMs that live within walking distance and can meet up without much planning. If there's a regular time to meet usually 2-3 of the mom's can make it. But planning playdates at this age is just tough, especially if it requires getting in a car or going far.

Something that helped me was having a regular weekly zoom session with friends on a weekly basis. Usually at least someone could make it so I could have a meaningful conversation with a close friend.

[Anonymous]

How hard are you trying to make playground friends? During the pandemic we went to the playground every day at the same time and made friends that we would see a few times per week there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can you switch your work schedule? Mornings really are the best time.

I think it is also a bit unusual to want adult interaction from friends every single day. I’m not judging it, I just think that fir many people once or twice a week is good. What about finding an afternoon sitter once a week and join an activity you enjoy just for adults?

Hmmm, so do other people have several days per week when they just interact with their kids and spouse (and maybe small talk with the sitter or cashier or another parent at the park)? And it doesn't feel lonely for them?

And I like the afternoon sitter idea, thank you!

Yes. And it’s boring and lonely. So I’m in a bunch of group chats and on Twitter. That’s my social interaction. Many days it’s my only social interaction until DH gets home, and some days he has dinner with us and then goes out again. It sucks. I’m an extrovert.